Oops! The title is from Everything But the Girl - "Low Tide of the Night" - off the Tempermental album.

For years, I thought that 'love' was just the far end of the 'like' spectrum. If I was dating a girl and really enjoyed spending time with her, really liked her a lot, I would start to ask myself, "am I in love? Is this enough 'like' to push me all the way into 'love' territory?"

Then, about a year back, I fell in love. I mean, Love with a capital L. And I realized that 'like' and 'love' were two completely different things. Getting emails from this girl would knot my stomach. I'd lie awake at night thinking about her. Whole poems, whole songs worth of lyrics, suddenly seemed relevant and personal and amazingly true.

Six months later, due to age difference (she was reaching the point where we'd walk by a Baby Gap and she'd unconsciously veer towards the door) and geographic distance, we broke things off. Which, while sad, was the right thing to do.

But now, when I go out on a date, I'm looking for something completely different than I was before. Not a girl I really, really like. Not a girl I can try and convince myself could be the one if I would just stop being so selfish or commitment-phobic or whatever else. But a girl I could love. Really love.

So, I applaud you, Miss Smitten. Because 'really, really like' is a hard thing to give up. Even if, in the search for Love with a capital L, it's the right thing to do.

He sounds like a great guy, so I guess you have to keep reminding yourself that there must have been some equally bad qualities to your relationship to cause you to not be happy. Its hard when you remember everything rosy to understand why you broke up. Or visa versa, if you only remember the bad stuff, you constantly wonder why you spent all that time with him instead. The key is to find the not-to-happy balance.

do the right thing for both of you. leave him alone. don't call him. don't get back together. you broke his heart. that is a very serious decision and i'm sure you put a lot of thought into it before it was made. so do both of you the favor of not prolonging any pain. it's best left.

Sorry to be harsh, but don't do it. I did (twice with the same girl) and all I can do is hang my head in shame. I found it easy to think of the really good times, and there were many, but while I can still remember the fun times, I give myself about 5 minutes until I remember the reasons we broke up. It was so easy to run back to her when I was living alone in a new city with not much of anything to do but work. I was depressed and she lifted me out of that, only to realize a month later that we had gone back to our old pattern and not only was I miserable, but I had to end it once and for all, a task that she had done the previous two times. It was messy, really messy, but I found the one for me and I'm glad that I didn't settle like was expected.

You have just descibed to a tee the feelings I had about my ex for over 2 years. I was the one who broke it off because deep down, I knew it wasn't the lifelong love I was looking for.

And because I missed him, I stayed "friends" with him where basically I let him take out all his pain over the break up out on me because I felt guilty for not caring for him as much as he did me. This unhealthy co-dependence lasted 2 years where I never let myself truly move on and find someone else. Luckily, this little farce finally ended when he found a girl that was made for him. The only regret is that we truly couldn't transition from exes to true friends.

The kindness thing for both you is not to call. You will miss him for a long time but eventually it will fade. I know for me, I still have moments where a song or a phrase will bring back a happy memory and it brings a smile to my face along with a tinge of sadness that we were not meant to be. But then I think of how happy we are with other people and I know our rocky paths was well chosen.

it's a funny, murky, bittersweet territory that our minds and hearts find themselves in when we think about our old relationships, isn't it? hindsight tends to color things, and sharply at that, either making things seem rosier and glossing out the bad, or making just the most horrid points stand out. i think about my exes all the time, and mostly i wonder how (or, if ever) they think of me and what we had. and it's those moments that sort of defy the colorings of hindsight that i hold on to, like the smell of their sheets, the weight of their arm thrown over me while we slept, the goofy jokes, the little looks... all the small bits that add up to so much. our memories are the only things we really own in this life... amazing how that works out.

Man, that did hit close to home. I have a love now... but it's not a great love. It's not an inspiring, fiery love. But I feel.. obligated to this love. And because of that, I consider going back, because she and I really are great together, even if it's not the sunshine of blinding pure love, it's still love. I dunno, this is a fantastic post and lots of food for thought.

I recently found this woman who has this affect on me...which has been unknown to my senses up until this point. I have had other dates/girls activate these senses in me...but never to the degree and depth that I feel now. I keep thinking...I can't believe girls can have this affect on me. I lay awake at night...tired but thinking about her...and daydream during my days about her. When I talk to her it's like the easiest thing on earth...and new bonds are always being formed. I see older couples and think...I could grow old with her. I have liked other girls...for many reasons...but I like this girl for reasons I have never had before. Reasons I didn't know were important. She makes me want to do anything for her without thinking. Love is such a strong word...but part of me wonders if that small series of 4 letters could encompass what's going on...and what may continue.

Must be that time of year as I am feeling a little sad about my X right now too.

Happygirl is right. It's that time of year. He sounds lovely, but you did the right thing. If it were the wrong thing, the regret you'd feel wouldn't be feeling quite like this, would it?

Oh my gah. Speaking of That Time of Year, you all have reminded me that on this exact day *mumblemumble* years ago, I was harshly dumped on my vulnerable nineteen-year-old arse by the charming fuckwit who had just given me mono.

Theme song for the day: "I Hate Myself for Loving You" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Saw this and it reminded me....

Top five things I miss about Laura: One - Sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all-time laughs in the history of all-time laughs. She laughs with her entire body. Two - She's got character...or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She's loyal and honest and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character. Three - I miss...her smell...and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it. Some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just...feel...like home. I really dig how she walks around. Its like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects. And it's not that she doesn't care, its just...she's not affected I guess. And that gives her grace. and Five - She does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep. She kind of half-moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times. It just kills me.