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things I do that girls don’t do, or so we’re led to believe

We all know that Eurotrash rocks the house. This was so refreshing to read, I had to write my own. I want to read yours too - boys also. Have fun with it. Post it in the comments box, or on your site. But first, have a good laugh at my expense:

  1. I drink Guinness, I love single malt, and I don’t ever order cocktails that are fruity, pink, or contain tiny umbrellas. If I ever get on vacation to some tropical island where such tiny umbrella drinks are all the rage, I’d rather be doing this.
  2. I belch, loudly. When someone else in the room releases an impressive belch, I say ‘niiiice’.
  3. I hate shopping. I believe that new, fantastic clothes should be instantly purchased, hemmed, and transported onto hangers in my closet. Until I find a way to make this happen, I need to be in and out of a store in five minutes or I lose interest.
  4. I do not wear nylons. Ever. If it ain’t skirt weather, I ain’t wearing no skirt.
  5. I don’t do laundry. I hate it with an intense passion and always send it out.
  6. I love potty humor and practice it regularly.
  7. I am friends with girls who, instead of saying things like ‘How are you feeling today?’ and ‘You look soo pretty!’, say ‘There’s nothing wrong with you that two drinks can’t fix,’ and ‘Go home and fix yerself, woman!’
  8. ‘Girl-talk’ with such friends is highly unusual in that although we do often discuss male anatomy and the details of recent trysts, we often don’t talk about the opposite sex at all. I know – wild, right?
  9. We often discuss the frequency of our poop.
  10. The last time someone told me I was pretty, I think I responded, ‘I’d rather be FIERCE.’
  11. I am flattered, very flattered, when a date says I’m as fun to hang out with as a bunch of guys.
  12. I’m not into hypersensitive men. I mean, you don’t have to be a caveman or anything, but the first time you wax on about your feelings and emotions instead of throwing me down on the bed and having your way with me, I’m outta there.
  13. I don’t ‘coo’ when I see babies. Usually, I am hoping they won’t droll on me or attach themselves to my leg, or, god forbid, cry. If I am ever nuts enough to have children, however, they will be gorgeous and loved by all. (Just like their momma, hahaha).
  14. When someone talks to me about marriage, I only imagine the Deb-shaped hole in the door that will be there in ten seconds if you don’t stop talking this nonsense right now, Mister.
  15. I’m really not looking forward to meeting your mother.
  16. If I fart in bed, I will quickly pull the covers over your head and trap you in my special aromatherapy chamber.

Just kidding on that last one.

comments (14)

What's that I hear? Is it? It is! The mating call of the independent city woman! Watch here as she tries to show interest in boys in their 20's, then spurns them for better prey.

Truly a fascinating creature, she is known to tear suburban soccer moms into small pieces in a rage after hearing a long IKEA story.

What are you trying to sell here honey? You think the guys that would appreciate what you're offering have the cajones to step up to the plate knowing they can't intimidate you by buying you a cosmopolitan?

I laugh heartily at the Deb-sized hole in the door. I weep recognizing it is a "Friends" reference.

1 | The Yeti | September 23, 2003 09:51 AM

Nice list. You sound like some of my (platonic) girl friends. Except none of them like Scotch.

2 | Dan | September 23, 2003 10:14 AM

I liked your list and so, like you, I mimiced the format and posted my own on my blog-it's too long to cut and paste-so come and enjoy! ( oh and thanks for adding me to your links)

3 | bunni | September 23, 2003 01:30 PM

See, you're the type of girl I go for. I like an independent woman who can appreciate a nice fart or dick joke. In fact, it's essential to appreciate a fart or dick joke, since I make them all the time. Man, you missed a pretty significant rant on my blog about women wanting sensitive men. I think it's bullshit. Even the most simpering hippie gets physically ill when her boyfriend starts crying after stubbing a toe or getting into a fight.

4 | paul | September 23, 2003 02:03 PM

I drink beer after sex.

Thats all.

5 | sf | September 23, 2003 02:25 PM

Okay, I posted my things that make me more girly. I'm girlier than I thought.

6 | paul | September 23, 2003 11:49 PM

I drink beer during sex sometimes does that count?

7 | Happygirl | September 24, 2003 07:11 AM

hahahahahahahhhahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahhhaahhahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha oh man that last one busted a piece of my intestine someplace. I thought I was the only one who messed with people like that. And then one fateful day the blanket-fart-trap was done to me, and i have never enacted its horror on my girlfriend again. it was funny though

8 | JiN - from bunniblog | September 24, 2003 08:59 AM

i'd rather be fierce too.

9 | hubs | September 24, 2003 11:05 AM

LOL.

No mention of pubes though. I *can't* be the only person in the world who does that.

Can I?

10 | Eurotrash | September 24, 2003 11:43 AM

15. I’m really not looking forward to meeting your mother.

lol! You could market t-shirts with that slogan.

What a great list. I'm going to do one of my own.

11 | Lux | September 24, 2003 03:05 PM

I've made people gag from a single fart. I'm afraid pulling the covers over their head would kill them. Great list, by the way.

12 | Howard | September 24, 2003 10:23 PM

It's up now.

13 | Lux | September 26, 2003 12:06 PM

Mmmm. Guinness. How I love its frothy goodness.

14 | Niki | September 26, 2003 12:15 PM