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a tangled mess of inconsistencies
I found my first gray hair two mornings ago. I took a sick day. I mean, not because of the gray hair, of course, that would be awfully fragile of me. No, I just needed a day to sort my head out. Oh, and I had a nasty hangover.
But back to the gray hair … I’m sure that most people who have experienced this already are groaning that I am traumatized enough to build a post on it. I’m sure most of you have been for years fastidiously pulling away these defiant threads, inconsistent with your young, sprightly selves. (Or so it makes me feel better to imagine.) Ironically, I have been doing a silent, miniature, girl-panic for weeks now because I cannot believe that with the amount of hair I pull out of my hairbrush each morning that there is any hair left on my head. Not this one though – this one was here to stay – it took a real, stubborn effort to evict it.
I wondered if it was time for me to settle down. Nice logic, right? But, it’s all downhill from here, isn’t it? First single gray hairs, then the saggy boobs, I might as well just skip the extended ‘practice phase’ and go straight to making babies.
And I got to thinking about my parents. I am sure like many of yours, my parents got married at ages far below what most of us consider desirable. Most people I know eschew getting married young - why on earth get married when you have your roaring twenties/thrilling thirties ahead of you?
But, there’s one thing to be said of getting married early. At least when my parents were my age they were getting some action regularly, as much as I shudder to imagine it. I mean, isn’t it more abnormal to be sleeping alone as I approach my ‘peak’ years?
Last week, I found myself lucky enough to be dating, with some frequency, two boys. Two very sweet, well-intentioned boys. Sounds like I’m in the right direction towards curtailing the dry spell, right? But, I couldn’t sleep. It seems that when all that’s running through your head is this and this and this, perhaps you are not quite ready to get back involved. So, at the end of the week, I broke it off with two boys. Two very sweet, well-intentioned boys.
Mother: You broke it off with both of them? So, you’re back to zero.
Deb: Not really zero, Mom, at least half a step ahead of zero, don’t you think?
Mother: You know it may not be this fairy tale you are hoping for. When I met your father, I didn’t think he was perfect, but I don’t regret choosing him.
Deb: I’m sure Dad would love to hear that.
Mother: I just don’t know how realistic you’re being.
Deb: Here’s the thing. I’ve been there. I’ve been in crazy, insatiable love. And maybe it didn’t work out, but I know what it feels like. I want that. I’m okay being alone if I don’t find it, even if that means denying you grandbabies to spoil. I know this: the day I settle for something less than that, Mr. Crazy/Insatiable will walk in the door. I’ve been there, it happened to me. I learned my lesson.
Mother: … But … but … no … grandbabies … ?
Anyway.
So, the update is, I’m still pretty much in-the-dry, unwilling to settle, unable to commit, and one gray hair further into denial. But you know what? I’ve been sleeping like a baby again.
comments (12)
~sigh~
Yeah... I experienced "crazy/insatiable" once, too. Unfortunately, she came with a side-order of "whackaloon", so it didn't quite work out.
1 | Alex | October 2, 2003 10:31 AM
Ditto Alex.
Still won't settle though. Chin up Deb.
Relax 'bout the greys though. Looks good on some.
2 | Dan | October 2, 2003 11:09 AM
but how did you know after just one week? or was it you? i guess it sounds like its you.
i wish i had kids when i was younger. there is just so much that i will be too old to do with them when they get old enough to do the fun stuff.
3 | hubs | October 2, 2003 11:14 AM
ok first off deb I think you and I need to get a martini or seven together-I discovered my first gray hair this summer and I was hung over this morning-unfortunately I had to go in and teach anyway ( I have taught hungover a few times-thank god my students know I suffer from migraines and basically the symptoms look the same)-but same as you I am panicking about the settling down thing-as for cutting things off-not nec. a bad thing-there's a difference between not being able to get a date and choosing not to go out with particular people
4 | bunni | October 2, 2003 12:56 PM
Did you just mention "action" and "parents" in the same sentence? nonononono! I was brought by the stork. Yeah...yeah.
btw, when my mother was my age, the stork was just about to drop me off.
5 | Lux | October 2, 2003 02:11 PM
I just had a girl that I dated here at my work come up behind me and pluck out gray hairs from my head. Then she laughed at me. I'm turning 27 in 26 days and I've got gray hair. Well, at least I can look at my bald friends and marvel that I have hair at all.
6 | paul | October 2, 2003 02:42 PM
i'm hoping that as long as i keep dying my hair, i won't have to find some random long grey hair in the mix. at least that's the plan.
7 | sassylittlepunkin | October 2, 2003 02:44 PM
UH sassy, hate to say this, but I've by dying my hair for years. I still find grey hairs though so maybe an alternative plan is in order.
Just thought of a quote in regards to the time panic:
"It is sobering to think, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he'd been dead for two years."-Tom Lehrer
8 | bunni | October 2, 2003 04:04 PM
Deb I agree with you a hundred percent, make sure it's right because getting seperated/divorced is tons more sucky then you could ever imagine it to be.
9 | Happygirl | October 2, 2003 07:16 PM
Deb
I agree with the above. Keep your head up...that guy will come along who is perfect for you. I know because I think that girl has come along for me...but I will keep you posted on this. I think you deserve a guy who is perfect for you that you are totally in love with. I think you are being realistic...you want to make sure that once the new car smell wears off you will still love him.
10 | Geekypete | October 2, 2003 11:25 PM
I don't care what color my hair turns, as long as it doesn't turn loose. If you think the first gray hair on your head is bad...wait till it migrates south. You know you're getting old when you find your first gray pubes.
11 | Howard | October 3, 2003 08:12 PM
I think you just inspired me to visit New York this autumn. And your next post too. Let me just buy some stuff from the new Lands End catalog.