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new york whacko club
I went to the gym at 5:30 this morning. I thought it was an ingenious idea. I’ve been going out every day after work, and, since I won't give up the beer, I don't want to get soft-around-the-middle. I figured I’ll bang out a great workout before my day even begins, I’ll be all invigorated when I get to work, and the evening will be mine to do guiltlessly what I please with it. Plus, we all know the early bird gets the …
… last free treadmill?! I have never seen the place so packed.
You know what’s wrong with decades of people being told not to run in the Park when it’s dark out because it's unsafe? All the crazies came inside. And I’m fairly certain they’re all at New York Sports Club.
Examples:
- Sign on the rowing machine: Stop using if you feel pain or if you faint. If you faint?! I’d like to think that somewhere in your unconsciousness, you’d know that your workout is pretty much over for the day. If you need a sign to explain that to you, I am really scared to meet you. Most especially at 5:30 AM.
- You, on Treadmill 12, juggling three red balls whilst jogging. Yeah, I was staring. I was impressed, you had such form, style, and you barely looked as if you were concentrating. But you know you’re completely berserk, right?
- To the guy on the Elliptical trainer, working at zero intensity and a break-neck speed, smoke practically coming off the machine. Why am I certain that you’re just terrible in bed?
- You, on the bike across from me, staring at my rack. Isn’t it a little early for this?
- And to the girl in the yellow top on Treadmill 4, running sideways. Come on, now, I don’t care how good it is for your hips, you’re in public.
And all I could think was, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! What are you doing up so early?! Don’t you have hangovers to sleep off?! Don’t you have romping to do with your significant/insignificant others?! Don’t you value your beauty sleep?! I mean, seriously, you people do this all the time?!
So, um, I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?
comments (15)
5:30...AM...gym...the horror..oh the humanity.
I am very much against gyms or anything kind of exercise early in the morning. Except for THAT of course. Anything else, no thanks.
1 | Dan | October 15, 2003 09:59 AM
5:30? In the morning?
Deb, have I told you lately that you are out of your goddamn mind? :p
2 | Alex | October 15, 2003 10:04 AM
Even 5:30 is a little early for THAT, I feel.
3 | lux | October 15, 2003 10:23 AM
I don't think it's every too early (or too late) for THAT.
4 | Alex | October 15, 2003 10:37 AM
I'd have to agree with Alex...never too early or late!
Apparently there is a whole world that happens during the 5:30/6am timeframe. Whole lotta crazies up that early - these people have no nightvision cause they have to go to bed at dusk in order to get up at 5am.
But oh yea, welcome to the club. ;)
5 | sf | October 15, 2003 10:46 AM
Ah, joggling. That was a big craze...IN THE 70'S!
It's never too early to catch a nice glimpse of a rack. Gets your heart rate going faster than an expresso.
Sideways? It's bad for the hips - especially on a treadmill. But the bonus is you get to see her fall if you watch long enough.
And I'm going to be more careful what setting I put my Elliptical trainer on from now on.
6 | TheYeti | October 15, 2003 11:05 AM
I went to a gym once and it was full of scary people. There were these women who would lift weights while staring intensely at themselves in the mirror. They looked like serial killers in training. Ghastly.
7 | eurotrash | October 15, 2003 12:46 PM
It's really never too early to check out some rack.
8 | Frankenstein | October 15, 2003 12:59 PM
i've never belonged to a gym. going to a gym at 5:30 in the morning is absolutely out of the fucking question.
9 | hubs | October 15, 2003 01:18 PM
Ditto Alex. Never too early for THAT. What better way to start the day?
10 | Dan | October 15, 2003 01:21 PM
5:30 is not the start of the day. If the sun is not shining, it is not the start of the day.
Or maybe it's just that I have yet to be convinced otherwise...
11 | lux | October 15, 2003 03:04 PM
I would weight 4000 lbs and need a crane to lift my bloated corpse out of my house if I had to exercise at 5:30 AM.
I agree Lux, it is to early even for THAT. I have been known to mumble "Get off me I'm sleeping" and pull blankets over my head if bothered before 10:00.
12 | Happygirl | October 15, 2003 05:57 PM
Man, everyone else has already said it, there's no time limit on rack staring. I don't care what the time, weather, current state, if there is a rack, it will be goggled at. Thats' what they're there for.
13 | paul | October 16, 2003 12:06 PM
You want really deeply scary gym tales? Go to the gym at 9pm on a Saturday night. Look carefully. Memorise the faces (and the intensity of the craziness).
Go back to the gym at your normal hour and look around you. Yep, they're still there.....
14 | Vanessa, London, UK | October 19, 2003 01:45 PM
i think all gyms in new york are crazy at any hour.what about other guys who are always checking out my dick....at 5am!