smitten | just when I had started looking out for locusts ...

just when I had started looking out for locusts ...

Although I do not usually consider myself a fragile person, with moods victim to whims and winds, days and days of dreary weather really brings out the fatalist in me. I start throwing out dismal-ities (yes, not a word, I know), certain that nothing will ever go right again:

I am never going to find someone to take over my lease.
I am never going to find another job.
I am never going to be able to pay rent without living skinny until my next paycheck.
This burn will never heal. My toe will never heal. I will probably bang up the other as soon as it does.
Alex will tire of being my bandaid and Neosporin supplier. He will raise his prices, or move to a different corner.

And unlike other things in my life, I cannot intellectualize (actually a word, who knew) my way out of it.

Looking out over the Hudson River from my workplace this morning (a rare redeeming quality of my job), I saw something bluish, just a sliver on the horizon. I forget the term for it, but it might be what they call ‘clear skies’ to be possibly backed up later by something that makes me squint my eyes. It has put me in an exuberently good mood.

Me? Mood swings? I don't know what you are talking about.

comments (5)

I know exactly how you feel. The sun came out today in DC for the first time in what feels like months, and my life looked instantly brighter. Not better, really, just brighter. :) It's amazing what rain and freezing temperatures (in April—did I mention that it was April, for crying out loud?) can do to a person's outlook. Mood swings? Nah. I say just blame it on the weather.

1 | Julie | April 15, 2004 11:15 AM

You probably wouldn't do too well out here in Seattle.

They tell me it's the Suicide Capitol. Wooo! Number one! Number one! Woooo!

2 | flamingbanjo | April 15, 2004 12:53 PM

I had a dream last night, and for some reason, you were in it. I dreamt that you were starting a new job that you were excited about (even though it didn't pay a lot). Maybe I am psychic? Or just whacked in the head for dreaming about someone I don't even know?

3 | beth | April 15, 2004 01:00 PM

I watched the weather channel all week (because I am THAT exciting) and since NYC has been the undeserving recipient of many days of rain, I would say that your low moods are definitely not your fault.

4 | sugarmama | April 15, 2004 01:32 PM

I think there's some kind of scientific jargon to describe that - "seasonal affective disorder" or something to that effect. I've got it too. Except that in my case, since I'm not lucky enough to have any windows at work, it always seems as if the crap weather waits until I'm NOT at work to show up. Like last week, when I was on vacation. Rained or snowed every friggin' day. I had all these elaborate plans that I was going to accomplish, but due to the weather, I just felt incredibly lethargic and hopeless and spent most of my time holding the couch in place with my heinie.

Man, I'm a bitcher. I need my own web log.

5 | bionicroach | April 15, 2004 11:55 PM