smitten | redefinitions

redefinitions

Friday Night, Part I

‘I’ll be there by 6 PM’ = ‘I assumed you knew I meant 8:30 PM.’
‘We will get a bite to eat on the way there’ = We will arrive starved, snack on cheese and crackers, get drunk quickly on wine.
‘This cheese is a little stinky’ = You are later told you 'smell like feet'.
‘I am not looking to buy anything.’ = Rings! Earrings!
‘I shouldn’t buy this.’ = ‘You take cash?’

Friday Night, Part II

‘I have never been to a karaoke bar before.’ = ‘I was here six months ago.’
‘I had fun the last time I was here.’ = ‘I came with Dave, Mitch and these three models that looked like they were from Destiny’s Child who took the roof off the bar with their singing and left me feeling pale, short, tuneless, and drunk after I drowned such feelings of inadequacy in a bottle of sake.’
‘Mary’s party? No, I didn’t sing anything, I just watched.’ = Son of a Preacher Man, Paradise By The Dashboard Light, Waterfalls, Maria …
‘I think I’ll call it a night.’ = ‘Sure, I’ll go to Mona’s for one more round.’ = 'I’ll have three.'
‘Oh, those hand-rolled cigarettes are too strong for me.’ = ‘I’ll have three.’
‘I know we skipped dinner, but I’m not very hungry anymore.’ = ‘Cookies? I LOVE cookies!’
‘Don’t fall asleep in the cab. Don’t fall asleep in the cab.’ = ‘Lady, wake up. We’re here.’

Saturday Morning

‘I was out cold. I didn't hear you come in last night.’ = ‘You train wreck. I heard you fumble with the lock, walk into a wall, throw your clothes on the floor, and then belch loudly.’
‘No, you didn't reek of booze and cigarettes.’ = ‘It was so vile, I had to roll over and breathe into my pillow.’
‘No, you weren't snoring, or not that I heard at least.’ = ‘You drowned out jackhammers. I had to check to make sure you hadn’t sawed through the bed.’
‘Your new earrings kind of look like paper clips.’ = My new earrings kind of look like paper clips.
‘I got the ring because it matches your eyes, baby.’ = ‘I got it to hold me over until you upgrade it.’

Ahh, a last round at Mona's: always such a good idea at the time.

1 | C | April 18, 2004 08:19 PM

Oh Deb... you're hilarious. This was the funniest thing I have read in a long time, you're a riot.

Next mani/pedi I say you, the Fish and I make it a threesome. You game??

2 | Ari | April 19, 2004 11:19 AM

Oh yes please.

You think we could sell tickets over the internet to mildly harmless foot fetishists?

3 | deb | April 19, 2004 11:46 AM

brilliantly hilarious post, deb!

4 | sassylittlepunkin | April 19, 2004 02:54 PM

i love this post = i love this post.

5 | julia | April 19, 2004 11:23 PM

I loved it to = I bet you do a kickass version of «Brass in pocket»

6 | nils | April 20, 2004 08:18 AM