really. it hurts me as much as it hurts you.
Little T just got dumped via text message: ‘I’m sorry. I’ve really punked out on calling you these last few weeks. I’m just not able to be in a relationship right now. Take care.’
They had been dating for about three months; his best friend was coming into town a few weekends ago and he told her they would hang out. He apparently meant without her, because she hasn’t heard from him since. Until today.
‘Jesus Christ, T, that’s even worse than Carrie getting dumped via Post-It note on Sex and the City!’
That’s me, by the way, always with the most heart-warming response. But, she doesn’t mind.
‘Seriously. This is the worst way ever to be dumped. It’s almost funny.’
‘It really is. But, the cool thing about bottoming out is that really, it can only go up from here.’
Last year I was dumped over IM. I’m going to argue that it has a smidgen more class than the text message dump, but only because it’s a two-way conversation. Kind of.
Me: Haven’t heard from you in a few days, did you have a good trip?
Him: Yes, it was very nice…
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: Yes, sure, of course…
Me: You just seem a little off.
Him: Well, maybe a little…
Me: Is there something you need to tell me?
Him: No, not really.
Me: Are you sure?
Him: No, not really.
Me: Maybe you need to tell me something?
Him: Er… ah… um…
… And then on, really – you know the rest. As I said, just a smidgen.
I’ve got no time to write out a more endearing or sumptuous post today - some days are just like that - so I am going to lean on you to fill in. Tell me your 'got dumped' war story, the very worst one, if nothing else to make Little T feel better. That is, until she gets to her after-work cocktail, of course.
was he not in london? i thought it happened over the phone in a bathroom or something like that. anyway, glad to hear you had a great weekend.
My worst was in person, but the timing was hideous. In the span of roughly 24 hours, I found raw sewage seeping into my house from a mainline back-up outside, had a major, horrible, sob-inducing work crisis, and was unceremoniously dumped by the man who just the previous week had been talking marriage with me. But break-up by TM is crappy. What a loser!
His loss T!
My sob story: got engaged-after dating a year and a half, him in NYC me in NC, found a job in NYC, replaced me in the job in NC, sold my house, 3 days before I was to fly up to NYC to sign my employment contract an e-mail stating "I've changed my mind."
He wouldn't return my call - I gave him 24 hours or my pride gave him 24 hours to return the call. Haven't heard from him since - been 4 years now.
Again, T his loss!!!
Worst story: After he told me that he'd started dating someone else--while we were together--who was less high maintenance than me (i.e. she didn't care if he didn't call for a week or showed up at her house at 2am or made her pay for every single dinner even though he had a full time job and she was in school--all things I had railed into him for), he asked me if I'd mind going to brunch with his parents and grandmother the next day because his new lady friend "was just not the type of girl you introduced to family...."
4 | Regan | June 2, 2004 01:49 PM
I am usually a wallflower on Smitten (great site!) but this was too good not to comment. I am sorry to hear about the way you were dumped...but ask yourself do you really give a shit about someone who does not have the balls to face you? Karma ALWAYS comes back to bute those who wronged in the ass...
Anyway on to my worst story...got tix to a sold out concert (in DC) and emailed my girlfriend to let her know everything was all set for that evening...soon after I get an email meant for her other boy's eyes...this other man turned out to be a roomate and friend. Seems they had been carrying on for a little while and she sent one of the worst emails I have EVER read to the wrong freaking guy!
Now on to the Karma things...She got fired from her job due to a few "issues" and they left town soon after this. It turns out the friend and ex were about to get married and she decided that she would try same sex dating and broke it off right before their wedding!
5 | BSmith | June 2, 2004 02:02 PM
I was dumped in the middle of my 21st birthday party by my boyfriend of four years who had stood me up the night before to lose his virginity to a woman he knew through work.
He wanted to wait until after my birthday, you know, so he wouldn't ruin it for me, but it just kind of came out.
I didn't think my story was all that bad, until I told a friend about it and she told me that it was "worse than the girl she knew who got dumped on Valentine's Day."
So here it is: We dated a year and half, endured long-distance drama, talked twice a day while he was in Korea, discussed marriage and religion and kids' names and all that fun stuff, applied to the same grad/law schools for the fall, were planning to live together this summer, perhaps get engaged. I went to visit him in Korea for Christmas and New Year's, spent two good weeks there, away from my family and friends; then, the day I got back, he called and dumped me. Told me that I was "too negative" and had too much of a temper (because this was new information, apparently, a year and a half into our relationship). Now, you tell me, if you're dumping a girl for her "temper," do you really think it's a good idea to break/demolish/crush/insert-you-own-cliché-here her heart--and with no warning whatsoever--over the phone?
Alas, I do not wish bad things for him. I trust that fate and karma will see it through.
Hang in there, T.
What an ass! His loss T!
Two stories, brief, but colorful.
1) THE STEALTH BREAKUP
My best friend in college became my boyfriend. We dated for a wonderful two months. No problems at all that I was aware of. He got sick from his birthday through Valentine's Day, I nursed him through it. As soon as he was well, he called me into his room late one Thursday night, broke up with me, and then went away for the weekend, leaving me to answer questions about the state of our relationship. (Post-Script: It took years, but we made it back, and he's now one of my closest friends again. But boy, those interim years were rough.)
2) THE FADING INTO OBLIVION BREAKUP
After college, I had a relationship rerun (Cindy Chupack's term, love her!) with a former boyfriend I met up with in NYC. We "dated" for about three months. One night, he said goodbye, that he'd call me about plans for New Year's, and then never called. I naturally assumed he'd been hit by a bus and was lying in a hospital somewhere, so I called his roommate to make sure he was ok. He was ok--no bus. Roommate promised he would have Paul call me. That was in 1995, and I'm still waiting.
(Post-Script: Thanks be to Google, I discovered that he was recently married. This has led me to believe that he thinks we broke up. Otherwise, this is some major-ass cheating going on here!)
coincidentally, i suffered through my one year anniversary of getting dumped just yesterday. worst day of my life, was talking of marriage, still think about her every damn day type stuff.
anyway, after a month of no sex (not for lack of trying, mind you), followed by a week of virtually ignoring me, we struggled through 20 minutes of "but, but, buts." she ended things by basically asking "what if i'm missing out on something better?"
so i learned how to read the signs a little better. i also learned how much suck comes from hearing a breathy "i am so in love with you," and then getting kicked to the curb a month later.
we don't talk at all.
rose, that was cold cold cold. i feel for you. you, too, T. but BSmith is right, how much heartbreak can you feel for someone who does that?
The only thing worse would be breaking-up via her blog comments.
like BSmith, i'm usually just a reader, but this subject brought me back to the time my ex and i were in that are we or aren't we phase. it ended up being the latter when i found out about his new girlfriend after i clicked on the link of new site updates he sent out via a mass email. the link took me to a page of photos of said new girl... except that she wasn't so new. this was the woman he'd been having an online affair with the whole first year we had been dating. the same month he and i split up, she moved from the east coast to the city he's in... go figure.
3 weeks before we were supposed to leave on our vacation, he decided that he wanted to be single again after dating for three-and-a-half years. Those were his exact words. What he failed to mention of his own accord and I later drew out of him (after finding her phone number on my way out post break-up conversation) was that he was actually seeming *someone else* on our soccer team. As in the soccer team that we both played on. Oops. Minor omission.
That was just over a year ago.
Not so bad, in the end - it certainly could have been worse. He now refuses to speak with me, though, for the weird reason of being unhappy about thinking of the person that he thought he'd
spend the rest of his life with, with somebody else. Seems like some backwards perspective, for a dumper, rathen than the dumpee.
First-time commenter on Smitten and I have chosen a post that asks me to show my dirty laundry *Grin*
Okay, here's the story:
I had had a very bad year-chicken pox as an adult, having a major project collapse on me etc etc and he bore it out with me. So I thought we were going to last.
Just when things were starting to turn the corner in all other aspects of my life, this is what happened:
I had to change trains twice to get to where I could take the GREs and when I got back, I was getting ready to go to his housewarming party (a house which I found for him when his lazy ass didn't bother to, prefering instead to swan off to Argentina for the summer WITHOUT ME), the phone rings and he dithers around a bit when I say that I'm just about to go over.
Then he says: "I don't think we should date anymore".
I scream at him and call him a bastard and then I burst out in tears and you know what the bastard said?
"Don't do that--now you're making me feel bad!"
My boyfriend came to my house to spend the night before heading back to college after winter break (I had graduated the year before). Couldn't manage to talk to me or put an arm around me except when it involved him having an orgasm. Picked a fight with me the next day, broke up with me over the phone the day after that. Reason? "I'm so messed up right now, I just can't put you through this anymore." Two weeks later, he's dating one of my friends. Apparently, he didn't mind putting HER through it.
Hmm... how does your boyfriend dumping you by dedicating Robert Palmer's "I didn't mean to turn you" on rate?
And for the record, I am literally, sick of/from men. It managed to manifest itself physically. They are such an accomplished gender. *lol*
Oh, after a miserable three month inner debate, I dumped him by leaving a message on his voicemail.
Yes, this would have been a cheap way out, until I found out he was, at that very moment, making out with a coworker who would be the New Girlfriend after he listened to his messages.
the first time seeing each other on campus after winter break...
Me: Did you have a good break?
Her: There's something I have to tell you.
Me: Um, sure...what is it?
Her: I'm a lesbian.
18 | fs | June 2, 2004 04:56 PM
Now T I will tell the upside of another break-up story...and give you lesson two...there are blessings in every "curse".
I was living with the gfriend (another one) and I realized that it was not going to work. We broke up and I moved out quickly...losing all of the "friends" I had made via her circle.
I go on a weekend to the Catskills with a co-worker and a few friends to drown my sorrows and the FIRST person I meet when I get to our destination became someone very special...so special in fact that we are getting married later this month (8 years later...friends for the first four). So while schmuck boy may be the bad side...who knows what the summer has in store? Smile and good luck.
19 | BSmith | June 2, 2004 05:02 PM
i got dumped by a guy over email last year - well, i guess i sent him an email ultimatum since i hadn't heard from him in a while and hadn't seen him in forever because he was so busy with work, but really it was him who dumped me because he was so busy. whatever.
and then there was the guy i was fooling around with at the end of college who i had no intention of dating once we graduated, but figured i could use him as a date for our senior gala. we talked about going together, and then a couple days later, after we'd already gotten tickets, he im'ed me to see if we could "talk", then over the phone told me he couldn't just hook up with someone - it had to either be a serious relationship or a one night stand - so we should stop seeing each other, and he wasn't sure if he was going to go to gala anyway. well, he did, with some trampy looking girl, and played it like there was no problem with what he did. the boy doesn't know what he was missing.
text messages for me too!
So he's blown off our first big real girlfriend/boyfriend dinner-wine-candles-sex type of friday night date HE insisted we should have. To go out to drink with some buddies of course. I say fine (he's done all this before) and refuse any contact with him over the weekend. On wednesday night at about two a.m. the following text exchange takes place:
HIM: E, I miss you. I want to keep seeing you.
ME: I don't know if that's such a good idea.
HIM: I can't do the nice little boyfriend act you want right now. I thought you knew that.
(Actually it had been I love You:s and HIM wanting to talk serious and commitment the week before, but yeah, whatever)
ME: Well, I don't think this kind of half nothing is doing me any good right now either. I've been alone long enough. I want something real with someone I really care about.
Bloody hell, I can be mean.
I was dumped in high school during a group ski trip to Colorado. We had been dating a year and a half. I was walking to the shuttle bus with him and had to stop to adjust my boots. I was having problems with the boots and carrying the skis, etc. He got on the shuttle bus and left me to ski alone. When the day was over, he dumped me, and he informed me that he had been cheating on me for several months. At the end of the trip, I had to ride back 30 hours in the same bus with him to Alabama.
He's the kind of guy who will destroy a few marriages in his lifetime, so I don't have to worry about revenge or anything like that.
I have also been dumped on IM! It was a long-distance relationship, so it wasn't like he could do it in person, but it wouldn't have killed him to pick up a phone to tell me he still had feelings for his ex.
hiya, usually a reader here, but T, you should not feel bad. i mean the guy text messaged you?? what the..?
so my story... he he... nine years. yes. nine. of comings and goings, emotional "need to find myself" crap, engagement, broken engagement, getting back together being cheated on, breaking up again, getting back together again, discussing how much he would LOVE to see "little olgas running around our house", planning a wedding (without being formally engaged) with HIS MOTHER PITCHING IN, only to get a call a month before he was supposed to leave for Peace Corps (during which i was going to wait for him) to tell me that he never wanted kids. Upon being reminded the "little olgas" conversation, he said the following, and I quote "Well, I didn't say I _wanted_ to have children, much less little olgas, but what I said was 'If I ever wanted children, I'd want them with you."" Nine years. Over the phone. And he denied saying what he said. We haven't talked since. He's somewhere in eastern europe. I wish him well. But I'm glad to be done with that.
Nine years. At least T foudn out after three monhts... cheer up T, I'm sure there are better men out there - just have to go out and meet them!!!
My worst? Uh, that would be about ... well, several years ago when I was in the Army in Germany. I had fallen madly in love with a first-year law student in Detroit, and we were "romantically involved." (We were sleeping together, okay?) She had had a boyfriend who dumped her earlier for God knows what reason, and I was the rebound boyfriend. Anyway, I got to Europe all in love and ready to make the big commitment. But my tour of duty was to be at least two years, and one year into it her old boyfriend decided he had gotten it wrong. So one day I got a very chilly letter about how everyone needs "to grow up" eventually, etc., etc., etc. She became a local prosecuting attorney in Michigan, and when I returned home two years later I saw her picture in the newspaper announcing some sort of promotion for her in the law department. It was her, all right, with a different last name but the same biography. It's been "a while" and there have been a number of romantic involvements since then, but that first one still hurts at times. I still remember everything about her and us. You never seem to "get over it," but that's okay, too, because painful memories are part of life.
And now for the rest of the story ...
I dumped a perfectly acceptable woman right after she graduated from college after we hed been involved for a year. She was just beginning law school in the South. She was committed to three years in school and I was certain that I was "going places" as a reporter. Well, I ended up nowhere as a journalist, and I often feel terrible about my role in the dumping. She ended up as an attorney in the Department of Energy, and I became a lobbyist in D.C. six blocks from her office! She married late, and I married often (three times, actually). Life is strange.
a brown grocery bag on my doorstep with my stuff and a note:
"you deserve this in person; i just can't handle it though. Live your life."
after one year, informal marriage plans,and more drama than all of J Lo's relationships combined: a brown bag. on my doorstep.
He wouldn't even return my calls or acknowledge me on the street.
I slept with one of his best friends months later and it was some of the best sex ever.
After three years of long-distance lust, and 7 months of perfect bliss together, I had to return home for a few months to tie up loose ends before giving up my entire life for this boy. He wrote three times a day, then two, then one, then once a week. Then he wouldn't answer his phone, when he did all he had to do was say 'Hi' and I knew from his voice we were over. 4 years on and I still don't know why...
Way back when, a boy I had been daing for three years broke up with me because I had bought a condo -- on my own -- and he decided it meant that I was ready to "grow up." He broke it off by "helping" me move my stuff into the condo (chain-smoking and nervously jumping in and out of my way), spending the night after painting two walls, then getting up in the morning to "move his car" and not contacting me for five days. He told our mutual friends that I had asked that we "put the relationship on hold for a while" (I found this out after calling around to see if anyone knew where he and my extra housekeys were). I got my housekeys back and that was that.
About a year after that, I was dating a talented but anguished artist who dumped me on New Year's Eve because he "just wasn't happy right now" and "wanted to start the new year with a clean slate." I actually left my office to meet him for coffee so he could break up with me, so that I wouldn't sit there wondering and worrying. After he did, and I said "Fine," he said, "This may sound really egotistical of me, but I thought you'd be more upset." I thought about it for a minute, stirred my coffee, and told him, "You're right. That is really egotistical of you."
My story: We were dating 6 months. He wasn't talking to me for a few days or so. (this was while in high school.) So, during French class, I wrote him a note asking what was wrong, if he needed to tell me something. He told me that he couldn't date me anymore, because his mom thought that I was a bad influence on his homework (for the fact, I wasn't. ), and that he couldn't date me anymore (but apparently, this meant that he could still come by my house trying to get some.)
30 | danielle | June 2, 2004 11:59 PM
hmm. horrible stories! mine? we were dating for 6 months, had spoken about marriage, and begun living together (at his request). after i had moved a bit of my stuff in (we were still doing to cohabitation thing, as i would not hear of relinquishing all control of my life) and started spending every night there, things started to go sour. he broke up with me citing that 'things were moving too quickly.' ya know, after HE had asked ME to move in. two weeks post-break up i found out that he was dating his best [female] friend. we haven't really spoken since.
31 | jes | June 3, 2004 01:20 AM
Does anybody know what, "I never loved you before I was in love with you." means?
I was going to post the URL to my worst breakup story, however it delves a little too far in. The readers digest version tells of a boy, recently de-virgined who unceremoniously had his heart torn out, long before he knew what it was to be in love.
Place: On a BBS chat site (for everyone to see.. and yes, I really was a geek), I will remember it forever as my first, and worst.
Well, it's 6 a.m., I've been up all night, and I'm listening to Joan Jett and similarly snotty rock'n'roll songs and reading other people's breakup stories.
need I say more?
It's been months, but bitterness has no expiration date.
It's a real good thing I don't drink. I'm probably going to end up mumbling on street corners anyway.
P.S. to Deb: Where are the puppies? You said there would be puppies.
My very first two junior high relationships- I got dumped in favor of my sister. Actually 3 times- twice by the same guy. Now I'm prettier.
i must admit that i've never been the break-upee. i've been the one doing the breaking. and i've done it shitty. i'm chicken shit and i push back my feelings for so long and then just explode and quit showing up. or i say stupid things (i.e. 'it's not me - it's you' sorts of things)and do even stupider things.
i broke up with my college boyfriend on his birthday. i had planned to do it for weeks previous, but could never get the courage. he was an ass - he did a lot of dumb things and i guess that's how i excuse myself for this behavior. we were sitting in the music hall and i handed him back the ring (yah, we were engaged) and said "i can't live the rest of my life like this" and simply walked away. luckily, we had celebrated his birthday the night before and i gave him a ton of presents. i must have known what was coming. he was nice to me until he met a new girl (yet continued to call ME and tell her that i was calling him) and then things got kind of ugly. but i guess i deserved that.
my second break up happened in many parts. he lives in nyc and i live in colorado. the last time i was there i told him that i couldn't survive this type of a relationship - i was flying there once a month or every other month. we were drinking and i was more free with my words and told him basically that i was tired of our relationship, tired of having to do everything, etc. and i left the next day. i distanced myself from him. he felt me slipping away, and, a year later, after i met a new guy, decided that he was ready to move here adn wanted to marry me. i told him that was no longer an option. 2 months later, again on his birthday, he showed up unannonced in colorado. i went to see him (for closure) and told him that it was through. i was seeing someone new.
he continued to call me. continued to send me letters, continued trying to 'win me over'. after i moved in with my boyfriend, i sent him a letter on a torn piece of paper: "you need to leave me alone. i am getting married." i never heard from him again.
perhaps i'm an awful person. perhaps i'll end up paying for it eventually. however, when it comes right down to it - i'm a nice girl. and i finally have a good guy. one i won't dump in a shitty way.
I usually just lurk, but to make T feel better, I figured I'd share my worst break-up.
This guy and I had dated for about 2 years. He kept bringing up marriage, etc. During our college spring break I drove an hour to his house in order to see him. He wanted to "mess around", I mentioned that we would be late to our movie. Suddenly he mentioned that he didn't think we should see each other any more. So, I drove an hour back home, crying my head off. Later I found out he had been cheating on me with another girl in my building. I still had to see him everyday because we were in college classes together.
It's cool though. I met someone so much better and we are getting married in just 9 days! Good riddence to bad trash! Tell T she can do much better!
38 | Sunnyd | June 3, 2004 11:55 AM
I too, like Ms. Koolaid, lost someone as a result of him liking my sister a little too much. In fact, he only went on a date with me to get closer to my sister (who was much involved with my guy's arch rival). Pooh! Can't really say it was truly my sister's fault for being so fabulous, but she did nothing to dissuade it.
I got dumped right before Valentine's Day by my fiance via e-mail. Which was actually a relief, since he'd out-of-the-blue obviously wanted to break up with me since the weekend before our anniversary (2 weeks prior) after we had a fight about him wanting to quit his job after 3 weeks of having it and 9 months of jobsearching prior. Course, he chickened out several times beforehand, I kept trying to force the issue, was insulted that he didn't want to see me for V-day, then he said he'd see me and get me a present, then when I got home, guess what I found. Oh well, at least he actually told me rather than just not taking my calls. And he tried to get me back a few months later, but by then I was all, "You know, I am so happy NOT to be dealing with your stupid flaky job shit and your not wanting to work any more." Finally, a breakup I can feel good about.
Incidentally, I still think Skipper's breakup-WHILE-having-sex on SatC was the worst breakup I've ever seen or heard of, even worse than Post-It.
My worst break up was on my 25th birthday. My ex's Mother called to wish me a Happy B-day, and then at the end of the conversation said, "Oh, btw, my son is having an affair, and I thought that you should know."
He didn't deny it when I confronted him, and more than likely went to her when he walked out my door.
Wow! Seriously, though, good riddance...
Here's another version of the fading into oblivion type:
12 years off and on (mostly "off"). The flip-flop was essentially because life took us in opposite directions, we kept living in different towns, having conflicting timing, that kind of thing. Anyway, I was in my last year in architecture school, halfway through my final project, when I got an interview with a very notable firm. They approached me, no less. So during this time of professional acclaim, I was glowing, poised on the brink of some brilliance. He and I had been seeing each other for about 9 months at this point, and had established that yes, we did want to be married, we liked the idea of spending our lives together, we loved each other. Something kept bothering me, though, and I spoke up about it. He had some serious abuse history, and I expressed that I wanted him to seek counselling for it. This ground had been covered before, and he hadn't yet done anything about it, preferring to focus on his sister's mental and emotional health in the wake of such awfulness instead of his own. But I digress...
He drove to the college town from the "city" and took me out to dinner as a celebration for the job interview. On our way to the restaurant he was a quiet prick about simple things, and was bossy with me instead of gracious or kind. After we ate in awkward silence, he took me home and drove away. I called and emailed, attempting to continue on as we had been, but never got any response. Whatsoever. It is now 6 years later, and in the intervening years I have only seen him once on the street with his toddler daughter and wife in tow. By the time I did see/hear of the baby and wifeperson, I was pretty resolved that I am better off, by a long shot.
My friend got dumped while in bed with a guy.
Right after sex.
And, I mean right after. They were still naked.
The worst part was that they were at his place. She didn't even get the satisfaction of kicking his naked ass out the door and throwing his clothes out the window, or anything.
I have had so many bad ones, but the worst would have to be...I had met this younger man, J. I think he was 27, I was 32. He was handsome and charming and extremely attentive, to the near-annoying point of text-messaging me 20 times a day and making a point of seeing me every day, talking about kids, marriage within the first couple of weeks, that kind of thing.
Cut to a month later I got a phone call from an unfamiliar # and an unfamiliar area code. I answered to a woman asking, "who are you?" I asked, "Who are YOU?" To which she replied, "I'm J's fiance." uh, what? fiance? They were set to get married a month later. I told her the entire story of how we met, how much he pursued me and answered any questions she had. We talked for nearly 2 hours. The best part of the conversation was when she said, "It was important to J that I become a born again Christian (this religious side of him I was oblivious to) and all I've done since I became a born again is forgive everyone for everything and I'm sick of it!" I replied that she did not have to forgive him for this one! I have no idea what becamse of the two of them.
I have never been very good with the break-up thing. My tendency has always been to slowly become dissatisfied with my relationship, meet someone else who is different and thrilling, decide that I'm going to break off my relationship, but FIRST, get together with the new guy, and then - so it's more fun - change my mind. So I always end up with this rock-and-hard-place situation, trying to decide whether or not to tell the boy that I now want so badly to stay with that I cheated on him (but it just made me love him more).
Ultimately the relationship ends on its own. The last one ended amicably until the new (manipulative, bitchy, getting-all-up-in-other-peoples'-shit) girlfriend told him that she had heard through the grapevine that I had cheated on him. Imagine this: biggest party of the year just starting up, I'm tending bar, I'm pumped. Ex-boyfriend (really a lovely guy) comes up to the bar and asks if I was always faithful to him. I'm on the spot, there are people watching. I use the classic "parent questioned about Santa Claus" type response. "I was faithful to you in all the ways that count." Nope, no dice. He says, "L told me otherwise, and frankly I believe her more that you."
Yep, I made my own bed, and slept fitfully for quite a while.
45 | E | June 3, 2004 02:31 PM
well, my bastard snake ass-wipe dingleberry ex-BF dumped me via voice mail...
that's cowardice for you.
In retrospect though, it made sense for him to do it from a safe distance.
46 | Anonymous | June 3, 2004 02:44 PM
Not my story, but a gf's . . . She was dating this guy for many months. He would stop by her house when she was out of town to do maintenance. They talked about marriage. Everything seemed to be going well.
One day, he just stopped talking to her. Wouldn't answer her emails, wouldn't take her calls, actively avoided seeing her, etc. Here she is, asking what's wrong, and he wouldn't even talk to her. A couple of months later, she finally got a note from him that said: "I warned you that I wasn't good with conflict."
My own personal story is hellish, but wasn't really anyone's fault. I dumped J. (things had been headed that way for awhile), and all was well until he was in an accident a week later and came out with a major head injury. He lost about a month's worth of memories in the process, including the worst of our relationship and the subsequent breakup. He also had trouble forming new memories for a long time, so I had to break up with him over and over again for the better part of a year, since he could never remember that we weren't together anymore.
post-it traumatic stress. lol.
13 years later, I am still pretty embarrassed about this. A little different than the above posts, as I was the dumper, not the dumpee.
I was dating a girl, it hadn't been a terribly long relationship, but I did like her quite a bit.
One night she was going to the local swimming pool with a friend of hers, and invited my friend and I along. My friend, who was dating her friend, was nervous about swimming, so asked if he and I could meet them later.
We showed up to the pool a little bit earlier than had been planned, and went to wait in the viewing area - a room one level up that overlooks the entire pool. At first we couldn't see them, but then I noticed my girlfriend was down in the baby pool - sitting on some guy's lap, her tongue buried deeply in his mouth. In the baby pool!
Rightly angry, I left. Outside the pool I popped a quarter into the payphone and called my cheating girlfriend's house. Her father answered (she was still living at home) and I asked if she was in (knowing she wasn't). The father said that she was not home and asked if he could take a message, to which I replied: "Yeah, tell that f**king bitch that she's dumped."
Probably not one of my finest moments.
49 | Arthur Bishop | June 3, 2004 03:33 PM
Right after I graduated from high school and before I left for college, I started dating my first boyfriend ever. He told me he loved me and I so I thought I loved him too. About half way through the summer we were headed to hang out with some friends of his (who I didn't much care for) and he starts talking really vaguely about how he wants me to be his best friend. I didn't figure out he was dumping me until we met up with his friends. I was confused, distressed, and surrounded by people I didn't like. He sort of ignored me and acted like nothing had happened until I started crying (in front of HIS friends) and insisted he take me home. We had a nice long talk and he say he "never really loved me" and he was breaking up with me then to avoid hurting me. Yeah, way to not hurt somebody, asshole.
i broke up with a woman once by email. it was the most difficult thing i have ever had to do in my life and quite possibly will be my biggest regret. there is no way i could have done it in person (distance NYC, CA) and frankly had i heard her voice or even seen the cadence of her IMs, i'd have crumbled. she was (is?) the love of my life, but we were unable to overcome the obstacles currently in our (mine actually) lives and i was too weak and afraid to go it alone.
My friend Ed wrote a song about being dumped over email. In retrospect the story was funny (the way he told it). In first person, I can't imagine so much. The song is on his band site: Burn Like Nero (Look for 'Digital Vertigo').
52 | David | June 3, 2004 03:45 PM
You should know in the interest of honesty that Ed are David were butt pirates
True story from several years ago:
My girlfriend of three months and I are sitting in her room, listening to some music and generally hanging out. She then - out of nowhere - says that the other night she starts telling me how she feels that in all of her lives, she's been attracted to two people: a friend and a lover. And, in every life, she has always had to choose between the two. Furthermore, in every life, she's chosen wrong.
She goes on to say that she recently had a vision of her future life, where the identities of the friend and lover have been revealed. I, it turns out, am the friend, while the guy that has been working on her VW bug the last few days.
I get up and leave without a word, vow to never date another theatre major again.
Flash forward a year, and I'm on the end of another breakup (long distance, "doesn't want to hurt me" - so, of course, breaks off the relationship then strings me along for three months suggesting we get back together...). Lo and behold, the girl first mentioned in this post has tracked me down and is telling me that she's made a mistake and wants to get back together.
I entertained the thought for a few seconds, but ultimately turned her down. I discovered a day or so later that she'd also gone back to her previous boyfriend and said the exact same thing. And then went back to him again after coming to me to 'try again'.
How about getting dumped out of the blue, over the phone, by someone who didn't feel compelled to explain why? We'd been friends for about four years and eventually fell into a relationship that started out long-distance (she in MD, I in VA). She finished school and moved (well, most of her things were in my car, so I like to say I helped her move) to Virginia—though still not very close. Anyway, that was meant to make things easier, but she dumped me about three weeks after the move, and we'd only been able to spend one weekend together since that move.
Still don't know what happened. We have mutual friends, and those friends have confirmed that I don't know as much as they do, but they don't want to help.
One word: crabs.
My other sexual partners at the time: none. Hers? Who knows.
Vehemently denied, of course, with much "how could you think I'd cheat on you? I don't have any diseases! It must have been you!", etc. Followed by me storming out, cursing and scratching.
1/2 hour after I got home, the phone rings. "Umm, do you have any of that crab shampoo left over?"
usually just a lurker but i think we all have one of these stories.
i almost got dumped on my 19th birthday. my boyfriend was "sick" and couldn't get me a present, so instead i went to his house and he cooked me a cheeseburger. i asked him, for my sake, to not break up with me on my birthday. so he obliged and did the deed in the parking lot of a barnes and noble two nights later. the following day he had to be my date to my friend's wedding. i hated him so much.
Okay I can't resist adding my story to the mix. I was dating this guy, R., for 3 1/2 years. He was my "first" and I, wasn't his - turns out by a long shot. So we date, ultimately move in together.
I come home from work early from a business trip, on my way to work, and I have to burn a presentation onto a cd before I go back. I walk into our bedroom, turn on the computer and turn to find our downstairs neighbor, makeup smeared across her face, naked, and in MY bed, with my boyfriend (also naked).
I had to burn the cd, so I'm sitting there, in my bedroom, less than 10 feet from the couple, tears streaming down my face, seething with rage. Finally the cd finishes, and I storm out the door, hire movers and never speak to him again.
The clencher is that I moved into an apt. complex afterwards and was trading stories with the manager. Turns out, she was dating R. (the same guy) during the 3 years we were together!
58 | Texas | June 3, 2004 04:50 PM
I drove across country to move West with the first guy I fell head over heels in love with. He ended up moving from the East Coast to live with me and my roommate (best friend at the time). I helped him with rent, I let him use my car, gave regular bjs. Eventually the sex started to trickle off. I noticed that he and my roommate were getting very snuggly with each other. We'd go places, just the three of us and they would follow each other in and out of rooms (uh oh!). We would fight because he refused to be responsible about anything (like having his car shipped so I could have mine back) and so I became the villian and the roommate became the sympathetic ear. They denied anything was going on, and if there was it was my fault for driving them to each other. Meanwhile they had been making out and groping each other behind my back. The breakup was me not being able to take it anymore... but they got their comeupance and that is the point of this story.
I moved out, they dated for a year and a half and he broke up with her on the day of her grandmother's funeral. She had listened to all of our fights, I don't know what she thought was going to happen. He had to move back to the East to live with his mother. It's not very charitable, but the only thing I could think was: How do you like me NOW??
59 | Kimberly | June 3, 2004 05:37 PM
I was doing the long-distance thing but it was a rather open relationship. So as expected (and encouraged!) he started seeing someone else BUT even though I kept asking he kept denying it and saying he wasn't "that kind of person". I reluctantly agree b/c I'm just going on instinct and two months of neglect later he dumps me, via email, the day after my birthday. My birthday is feb 15th, and no, he didn't call me on valentine's day or my birthday.
I declared him King of the Jerks, cried a lot for being so stupid, and wished him well with his ditsy slut of a new girlfriend.
Then he knocked her up. Ha!
J and I had broken up and gotten back together two or three times and were at an end when I met and fell in love with A. I went to J's house to break up with her for the last time and thought to myself, "she's going to know". When I told her we had to break up she said "I KNEW IT!! I almost asked you who she was when you walked in!". She sobbed and reminded me that i had a pet name for her, "remember? i'm shmoopy!(not real pet name) i'm shmoopy and you love me." It was an awful thing to watch (make) J cry and I felt like a complete asshole but I was resolved in my decision and said goodbye and left.
People often told A and me that we were the perfect couple and that we were made for each other. I still feel in some way that this is still true. We were together for over 2 years and had a fantastic connection in almost every area of our lives. We began living together almost immediately and after a year I asked her to marry me. We were together for another year and were very much in love.
One hot summer morning we dropped LSD together and at some point looked at each other intensely and I thought "this is not the person you will be with." A week later she asked me if I remembered that moment. I said that I did and she said "we aren't going to be together." We both knew it was true and she gave me back the engagement ring.
We still loved each other but began to grow distant from each other and parted ways within a month or so.
A is now married to D who I think is a bonehead. I am single and not particularly looking.
...Then a year later I'm dating a lovely British boy during a year abroad (One term in England, one in Ireland). We dated 3 months, he was a freshman in his first major relationship, and he wanted to get married (?!). After the term ended I wished him well and said we'd keep in touch, but he didn't quite get the picture that we were no longer an item. He made plans to fly to Ireland to see me for a Valentine's day/birthday what-have-you and I had to break it off over the phone on Feb 13th, the night before his flight. I felt like the worst person ever.
I broke up with a girl in a real shitty way once. I had a long distance open relationship with a girl in a european country. Open meaning we could fuck anyone we wanted when we were not together as long as we were safe and honest to each other about our feelings for each other if they changed. We've know each other for almost 10 years and have been living together for the last 3 years.
In december 2000 I had already decided to move to unnamed European country but in late Feb I started seeing this former co-worker. I explained that I didn't want to get attached because I was moving out of country. So she knew I was moving over there but didn't know about the girlfriend. She got really attached and was doing all sorts of subtle things to get me to stay like rewriting my resume and laying it out in HTML for me. She even found some really well paying freelance work for me, the profits of which made my first years as an expat significantly more comfortable.
Anyway, in late april she was hanging out with a friend of mine at a barbeque who knew about the girlfriend and he started talking about her. She got really upset and cried for a few hours. She then sent me a text that we need to talk, please call. She asked if it was true, and I admitted that it was. She came over the next day to bitch me out and pick up a cd of hers. It was very uncomfortable and I felt like huge dick. I left 2 days later. Sorry Chrissy.
I had been dating a girl for about a year, and we had talked informally about marriage, travelled to meet her parents on the east coast, and so on. We had a mutual friend, another girl, who came over a lot.
One day we're both lounging on the couch talking, and out of the blue, for no reason that I've ever been able to put my finger on, I asked her: "have you ever cheated on me?"
Long pause. Finally, "yes".
Startled, I asked who with, and she told me it had been the friend of ours. The girl. A week prior, when the three of us had come home from a party, and I'd gone and fallen asleep in the bedroom while they stayed up.
I actually didn't mind the cheating so much, but the fact that she'd kept it from me made it a big deal (I'm all about truth) so I told her marriage was never going to happen, and it'd be a long time before I could trust her again.
Ultimately, we kept sleeping together, but I refused to change my mind about marriage. One day she finally had the epiphany that I wouldn't ever come around, while laying in bed together, and she suddenly sat up and said "What the fuck am I doing here?" -- then left. In a way, I was actually proud of her.
64 | Me First | June 3, 2004 06:31 PM
Got dumped over IM after telling him I'd been raped (by a complete stranger) 3 days before. Yeah, I'm still bitter, but I wish him the best.
65 | julin kim | June 3, 2004 07:03 PM
over IM? NICE. w/someone like that, i think a hired "hit" is necessary. I have two - once, I got stood up on my 27th bday. Coincidentally my friend saw him that night with other chick. In NYC no less. The second - met a guy, fell in love, asked me to marry him and move to London. I quit my job, leave nyc. Move to London. Get job (!) yeah me, right? wrong. 2 weeks into it he tells me, "if you think i'm the marrying type of bloke, you're wrong." No, I just like to make transatlantic moves for sex and movies.
The first girlfriend I had since high school dumped me over AIM. Well she said she never wanted to be my gf, although a few months before that we did some stuff she said she wouldn't have done with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend.
She told me her parents didn't like me and she couldn't go on without their approval. I'm not stupid; she saw her ex 2 days before while we were out and ditched me to talk to him, the speed junkie who she lied to her parents about for their acceptance and was arrested 2 years before we met. After breaking up online she blocked me and stopped taking my calls. Her sister told me later she saw my ex and the junkie making out, but a few weeks later he stopped talking to her and suddenly she wanted to talk to me again. The mean part of me hopes she got used. *smiles*
I'm over it and still think we'd be good friends, we have a lot of the same tastes. Whatever though. I've met a girl who acknowledges my right to my opinion on women and she's patiently earning my trust which makes her awesome. Although she did mess around with a guy after we started talking before we got together, but I'm reasonable.
67 | jeebus | June 3, 2004 07:22 PM
Not exactly dumped, but still a good story:
My boyfriend of two years and I decided to get married in Nevada. Everything was all set, the chapel reserved, flowers purchased, car packed, and there I was ironing my dress for the big event. Suddenly the doorbell rings and it's my boyfriend's best friend, visiting unexpectedly from Germany.
He and I wait for my boyfriend (his best friend) to come home, and then the two of them decide to go out for beers. So much for getting married. Guess you could say I was dumped for beers :-)
Cheers T, you've got an amazing life ahead of you.
68 | Anonymous | June 3, 2004 07:27 PM
My father in Surgical ICU for a month after something went wrong during a "routine" operation. Had a stroke, on a ventilator. My girlfriend of two years was having a hard time dealing with it all.
Three weeks into the month she calls and tells me how bad she feels, but it is too much and she needs her space. Says we will talk more. Sends her sisters over to my apartment to pick up her stuff a week later.
That was 3 years ago and I am still bitter. When I think about it I wish I had said to her, "WTF - you couldn't wait until after he died?" What I managed at the time was, "Over the phone? You live 20 blocks away."
Once had a relationship end rather abruptly two weeks in the gf's effexor treatment. She went from a steady stream of I love you's to a kinda dazed and vacant indifference to all things sexual. Well, what can you do? Can't ask your lover to stay depressed after all. Didn't ease the sadness on my end, tho.
Not quite dumped, but informed of her new status via a private message on a bulletin board.
Met her in August, I was travelling in the US from New Zealand. We had a distance relationship, with plans of her to come visit me and then me return a few months later. Her visit fell through (not her fault), so I went to see her. We'd been talking marriage, future, kids, everything. I fly all the way to the US, things are tense, then she tells me it isn't working. I stay on till the end of my trip, things are OK. Just when I'm due to leave she starts crying all over me and asking me not to go. We manage to get two more days together, which are great, then she tells me she still doesn't know what she wants.
I go back to NZ, find out a few ways we could continue the relationship in the future. Suggest them to her. She doesn't get back to me for a while (very limited net access), and when she does it's to tell me she's started dating one of her friends, and it's serious.
Why can't people make (and communicate) the decision that they don't want to be in a relationship *before* someone flies 10 000 miles to see them?
just_visiting: very similar experience to yours, I guess.
I got dumped via IRC about a decade ago -- she was cheating on me with a friend of mine that she met on my BBS. We'd only been together for a month or two, and it was one of those hyper-dramatized young-teenager affairs. It didn't help that, as became clear about a year later, she was in the process of going insane. Just to cap things off right, looking to inflict some guilt, I pretended to be extremely distraught, just faux freaking out on IRC for a good half hour or so before becoming (what I'd hoped would be perceived as) ominously unresponsive.
She didn't care.
I fell madly in love with this girl many summers ago. She came over looking for a friend, stayed to play cards and drink for a while, and she invites me to her place. We date for like two weeks, and she had her hooks way deep.
One day I see her walking around with a guy who lived downstairs (in a two-floor duplex). I knew what was up, and a couple of nights later she comes upstairs to return a pair of jeans and tell me what I already knew.
The killer part is that a few nights later, me still devastated, I had to endure listening to them banging away at each other. His bedroom was DIRECTLY BELOW, it turned out.
73 | greg | June 3, 2004 08:09 PM
I moved into his place and we were together for a few years. We started to have some major problems and he just stopped speaking to me. He'd be home during the week, but disappears on the weekend. Then he starts asking me when I'm moving. Soon he is gone all week and all weekend with no explanation.
One day there are flowers at the door and I open it only to be served with eviction papers. WTF? Don't worry, I got even and it cost him a bundle.
And then she goes and posts in her online journal, where dozens of our mutual friends will read it:
"Holy shit, I'm in a mature, stable, loving and workable relationship for the first time ever in my life and I'm not even sure exactly what to do about it besides be myself and hope for the best."
Heh. Fancy that I should come across this at this point, as I just got dumped a couple of days ago in a prime fashion:
After a lovely European trip, boyfriend acts odd for days. I ask, uh, like WTF? What aren't you telling me?
His reply: "Erm, I met a girl in Europe who wasn't a prostitute."
I'm not sure what that says for either me or the other woman ;)
Had a girl I dated for around 9 months that took a trip out West with her mom for 2 weeks. While she was out I received post cards that were from the appropriate national parks, stamped and all... Turns out the bitch was across town sleeping with a friend of mine the whole time. Didn't find out until months later... makes you feel like a shmuck...
77 | Austinite | June 3, 2004 09:29 PM
I've never posted before, but I just wanted to add to the carnage.
I was 18 and a freshman in college when I got my first boyfriend. I was vastly inexperienced, but I think that may have been what he liked about me. He told me he loved me, but I had a sneaking suspicion that that was just a line used to part me from my virginity. Which was fine with me - I wasn't saving myself for marriage, just saving myself until I felt emotionally ready for sex. After having sex a mere three times, he started ignoring my calls, pretending to be unable to go to events we had tickets to (but then going anyway, without me), and ditched me at a formal. Since I wasn't recognizing the "I'm going to be an asshole until you dump me" pattern, he had to finally break down and be the dumper. I cried some, but pretty quickly got to thinking of it as a learning experience - and what was I at college for, if not to learn?
About a month later, the ex (there was only one ex at that point) called me. Apparently, he was rushing a frat and had to get casino-night dates for some of the senior members of the house. I agreed, and ended up having a great time with my date. He asked me for another date, and we made plans for him to pick me up on Saturday to go to a party at his fraternity. Saturday comes, and the ex shows up at my door, saying that his soon-to-be frat brother couldn't make it, but I could tag along with him if I wanted to go. I tried to keep up on the walk over, but the ex was 6'6" and walking unusually fast, and by the time we got there, he was 30 feet ahead of me. I guess he didn't want to be seen walking in with me. After a lukewarm reception from my date, and an excuse that he had to leave me alone to go mingle, I left.
I found out later that he had lost interest because my ex had "warned" him that I was a slut.
My break up story, where I was dumped but it didn't end until I told him to get lost! I was seeing a total jerk named CHRIS, he would stand me up for no reason, not call, when we did go out he would only stayout for three hours maximum then leave. I was so stupid through all of this and just put up with it believeing his words not his actions. He would always be "I love you" "I'm just a bit confused right now" blah blah blah blah blah. Then we were meant to go out one weekend and I called his house, his little brother answers the phone and he saks Chris isn't home would i like to leave a message? "Oh yeah call Vanessa back please" "Oh Vanessa?? He told me to tell you he has gone on a camping trip and won't be back for a long period of time" "Oh really?". About ten minutes later my friend Kon comes over and I tell him what has happened, we both know he is dead set lying so Kon calls Chris' house 'Yeah I can I speak to Chris??" Chris gets on the phone and Kon hands the phone to me and I spit "You. Are. A. Fucking. Dog.". He calls back a few hours later and talks to my sister 'I don't want to lose her blah blah blah" and then he emails me saying he LOST MY PHONE NUMBER and that's why he couldn't tell me about the long period of time camping trip. I pretty much got the picture I was being dumped so I was trying to be gracious about it and just forget the whole damn thing. But he still wouldn't leave me the hell alone, he's the kind of guy who can't stand to have people think badly of him. So one day i rang him at his work, middle of his shift as bar tender and said "CHRIS, I DON"T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!" and with that it all ended.
I only kick myself for being so stupid but I have learnt from my mistakes.
79 | Vanessa | June 3, 2004 09:46 PM
oh god - he claimed he forgot my birthday, it's the day before his, and two weeks prior we were making plans to go see CSNY. apparently during that two weeks he met someone who he felt content with - rejection is god's protection T. hard to know that right now, but it usually turns out to be true.
One day, my GF calls me up.
"I have some of your books here. Do you want them?"
"Did you read them?"
"Go ahead and keep 'em 'til you're finished. I've read them all."
"I think I'll bring them over..."
She comes over and acts weird and distant. Says stuff like, "I guess I don't know what I'm going to do..."
She was dropping out of college, exploring options, being "free and easy," I suppose.
Eventually, she left. But she never really dumped me. Just stated that she thought we didn't want the same things, that she wasn't looking for a relationship, etc. etc. I was actually pretty fine with that, and sort of even overplayed my reaction because, quite frankly, I'd never been dumped before (nor really had a serious girlfriend before). Being a young male, I was more concerned with the booty supply than my fragile emotions. I walked her to the door, and she pulled three paperbacks out of her purse, handed them over and fumbled for a cigarette. I took them.
As we said goodnight (no booty!) and she stepped off the stoop and disappeared into the night, I absent-mindedly flipped through the top book and saw something black inserted between the pages like a bookmark. I pulled it out and studied the unfamiliar metallic paper.
It was the torn-off edge of a Magnum Extra Large condom wrapper.
I totally broke up with a guy over IM once, and I am a terrible person. I still feel bad about it. (But not about ending the relationship.)
Oh lord, I'm afraid I was the dumper, and I freely admit I got the idea from reading "Up the Down Staircase." I was a sophomore in HS, he was a junior, I got a whiff of interest from a SENIOR and I really wanted to go to the prom, besides, Mr. Junior had turned out to be a bore, too possessive, and a truly terrible kisser. He always left misspelled love notes on my desk (he had a class right before mine), so after two unsuccessful attempts at breaking up with him in person (Me: I don't want to date you anymore. Him: Give me another chance/I love you/I can't live without you/*insert sappy teenage drama here*. Me: Ok, ok, ok already), I finally corrected the spelling and grammar in one of his notes in bright red pen (with a little help from mom, who hated him anyway and liked Mr. Senior) and taped it, wide open, to the front of his locker.
That did the trick.
I got my comeuppance in college when I dated a French pilot who was training in the US for eight months. I was insane for him, he was supposedly insane for me (at least, from what I could tell, and my French is pretty good). He went back to France, we made extensive plans for me to come to visit, and then one day I called his apartment in Paris and his fiancé (to whom he'd been engaged for a year - well before he'd hit the States) answered the phone.
That was one interesting conversation, I can tell you. I wonder if they ever got married?
This is the most comments I've ever seen. It's insane.
I wonder if Skate's (#43) was the girl I dumped in bed, right after sex, in my house. Former resident of Aurora IL? Story goes like this, a week before she got real pissed at me when a condom broke. As if somehow, I had control over this. So on the day in question (the next time in question,) I exited just as my orgasm began. Maybe I was making a point, maybe I didn't like a hysterical woman in the house immediately after sex, that wasn't the issue. For some reason, she called me a wimp for doing this. I told her I didn't lover her, and to get out. This took maybe 15 post orgasmic seconds. She was out the door in less than 30. That wasn't my finest moment, so if it's her, tell her I'm sorry, but she started it, i just finished it.
Why are people so shitty to each other??? It never fails to amaze me. I used to think that being single wasn't all that great, but now I realize how much simpler life is without the drama. The question is, then, is *this* all worth it? Someone please tell me...
I recently got dumped...not nearly as gruesome as others, but still....
It was one of those karmic, holy-shit-we-are-made-for-each-other kind of things. Things took off really fast, bonding-wise, (unfortunately? fortunately? not sex-wise). He was clearly into me (he started all the touchy-feely stuff, kissing, etc.), and I into him, although I was a bit more reserved about it at first. First date - bril. Second date - fine. The week following, something was different, but I blew it off as just being a hyper girl. Third date, something was up. I rec'd the e-mail 24 hours later saying that he thought I was great, blah blah blah, but that he just didn't feel "it". Well...ya did two weeks ago. Where the fuck did "it" go??? He wanted us to talk, though, and be friends. I thought I'd never hear from him again (BTW, who the fuck does that...just disappears???), but lo and behold, he does call. Sounds sincere. We talk. Things are okay. I figure I can maybe live with this and I'll just ride it out. I haven't really known him for all that long...I really still need time to figure out who he is and if I want him in my life at all. As of now? Haven't heard from him in a week. Why bother with all that if you're going to be a fuck anyway?
I'm also watching a dear friend go through a divorce - her husband can't decide whether he wants a family all the time (this would require work and effort and sacrifice on his part), or only when he feels like it. He doesn't understand why they can't still have sex on a regular basis, even though he's told her he doesn't want to be married to her anymore and he's moved out.
I was in the "men are pigs" funk and ready to become a nun until I read some of the guys' horror stories. Why can't the guys who are decent and the girls who would never dream of cheating with the best friend get together?
To all of you who have been, well, *shit on* in the most horrific ways...may you triumph.
86 | s | June 4, 2004 01:30 AM
funny, s... my reaction is that I'm almost starving for even the drama after months of doing little besides working and sleeping. sign that I *really* need to start getting out more soon.
87 | n | June 4, 2004 03:13 AM
My two cents:
We had been together for four years, she goes O/S for work, and is away for 6 weeks or so. She emails me from t'other side of the world asking me to marry her. I say yes.
Two months after she gets back, I get home from work one day and she tells me she needs to be single. Ooooohkay.
A couple of days later, I have this conversation:
Me: Um. What's happened since you asked me to marry you? I mean, it's only 2 months ago.
Her: Well, I was undecided then as well, but I thought if I asked you to marry me, it would force me to really think about if I wanted to be in the relationship of not.
Me: And what did you think I might do with the information?
Her: I didn't really think about that.
A couple of days after that, I get an email basically saying that maybe she had made a mistake and maybe we should get back together.
A couple of days after that, and she's fucking a mutual friend of ours.
From this I learned that the most dangerous people in life are not the people who mean you harm, as they are fairly easy to recognise and guard against. The most dangerous people are the ones you love and who should care about you but don't. You let them under the radar...
Postscript: I am happily married now to a wonderful woman. Still, not a day passes that I do not look back on that previous relationship with bitterness and anger. Give me a gun, a shovel and an alibi and that girl is worm food.
There are a lot of stories here about how crushing it is to get dumped (let's call this person A). But what many people seem to forget is just how horrible it is to be the one doing the breaking up (person B). (I accept that it is very wrong for B to cheat on A, or to break up in an insensitive way like over IM, SMS, etc., but that's not what I'm talking about here.)
Person A can feel bitterness and anger at B, and WILL get over it with time, as many of the posts here have shown. You can jack into your anger and move on with your life by using that anger to justify shutting B out. But if B is a decent person, he/she will often feel guilt, which is a much more complex and draining emotion. It can stay with you for years, sometimes until A finds happiness again, sometimes even longer.
Guys, it's NOT B's fault if his/her feelings go cold on them. People seem to forget that feelings are exempt from logic and can't be controlled. It's easy when your emotions are on autopilot and you're mad about a person and your love is returned; that's an enviable state to be in for any relationship. But that doesn't always last for whatever reason, and experiences of failed relationships will, in the long term, put you on your way to finding the person who is truly right for you.
My ex-husband Phil dumped me by fax...
So I'd been away for a month working on a campaign. I can tell by the tone of his voice that something's wrong, but on the night of the election, I take an overnight train home to be there for his birthday. I take him out to dinner and then he dumps me. He's started dating one of the girls working on another campaign. Then he shags her (she being a virgin) and dumps her to come back to me. Bastard.
Of course, next campaign he was up to his old tricks, bringing an interstate colleague up to Sydney to stay over and "help" for the weekend.
And making sure our mutual friends knew exactly what he was up to.
So, of course, I did what any self-respecting girl would so, and found myself a campaign assistant of my own.(And let me tell you, I so got the better deal.)
Don't know how mine compares to other peoples - there seem to be some seriously bad stuff here.
Anyway, been seeing this girl for 2years and 2months. My first major relationship and hers as well. All the way through she makes me promise that if I ever feel anything different I'd tell her as soon as I did, and like a fool I thought she'd do the same. Feb 2nd last year I'm going up to see her in London to go shopping, meeting her at her University Halls on Oxford Street (for those who don't know - London's busiest shopping street).
FIRST hint I get that anything's wrong is when she hugs me and doesn't kiss me out on the street. We head up to her room and she tells me that there's something missing, and she's known there's been something wrong for 5 months. So I'm left with tears pouring down my face and having to face trekking through the centre of London in the middle of the crowds. Nicely done.
Wouldn't talk about it to me afterwards, wouldn't help me understand the whys and what went wrongs, just shut down on me completely. Here's hoping Karma catches up at some point.
Thought I'd add another story since I have experience of being the most horrible dumper (B.) and maybe it is because three years on I still feel horrible guilt.
I did it with text messages.
As karma would have it (my previous story about being dumped with text messages).
I had been on and off seeing this lovely intelligent good-hearted guy for a month or so. He was head over heels fallen for me and as I saw this and liked him as a friend I tried my best to feel the same way. Ever been in that situation? I thought maybe it would just take me some more time to start feeling more strongly for him, you know. Wrong. Very wrong.
A few weeks into our relationship I had to move some 100 miles away for college. I had thought of ending it before leaving but chickened out and things were left rather unresolved. All alone in a new town and living on my own for the first time I was missing home and friends and he was there calling me everyday, texting twenty times a day, that kind of thing. It eased my homesickness effectively and kind of fooled me into thinking I was more into him than I was. Then a few weeks later I was home first time, spending the weekend with him. Friday we had fun, Saturday I am starting to feel panicked, Sunday I know I can't be with this guy but just can't bring myself to tell him.
So I go back to my College town and basically avoid his calls for the next week or so because I just don't know how to break it to him and hope he would take a hint, get mad, dump me, anything. I still feel terrible for all of this. Finally he asks me if something's wrong. And I tell him that I don't know, that this seems wrong since he is so much more into me than I am into him, that maybe we should call things off, he needs someone who cares about him more. He begs me not to. That we could try. I say I'll think about it.
The next weekend I lie to him that I am busy and won't call him. On Sunday he calls me but I am on a train and the battery of my phone is very low. I tell him I'll call him later when I've got it recharged but he keeps calling and texting me so I finally snap and tell him I don't want to do this anymore. He doesn't really get it on the first time and I have to really spell it out. All this in text messages since the battery is just enough for those but not talking on the phone. It got really really nasty.
I don't know if it makes things any better that we never slept together.
We were twenty at the time. I still feel bad. I only hope he can find consolation in hating me or something. I think I was his first love. Mine happened a year later and I've had my share of bad love karma back in multiples since and certainly learned how to treat people better.
We'd made plans to live together before he went to grad school. It was wonderful, until unforeseen circumstances (rotten economy, family problems) forced me to move out. With two days notice.
In all fairness, we tried to keep it together. I was depressed and unsure about the direction of my life, etc. He put up with this, reassured me, loved me.
Then someone revealed his online journal to me.
I requested that we end it before we went separate ways for school. Due to his inability to tell me things to my face, but rather put them on the web for all to read, we will never speak again.
For months, I tried to get closure, a 'Well, we had some good times, but it's over, nice knowing you.' In return, I got lied about, manipulated, insulted, and generally treated like I had used him. Every conversation with mutual friends about it would leave me in tears, shocked.
Luckily, I started dating someone a few weeks after the break-up. We're not in love and never will be, but he reminds me that there are decent people out there.
94 | elizabeth | June 4, 2004 11:45 AM
I had just gotten dumped horribly by an evil, twisted person. Basically, two days after my car was stolen (no theft insurance), she dumped me, and started dating an ex. I apparently served no purpose without wheels. Biatch.
But shortly after that experience, I met and started dating a nice girl: M. Unfortunately, her best friend considered herself a expert on guys and gave her really shitty advice. For example, she "broke up" with me on the third date, because her friend had advised her that if I really cared, I would fight it tooth and claw. That really isn't my style, so I basically said "Ok, fine... bye!" She then started crying and told me that she was acting on the advice of her dumbass friend. I told her not to listen to that idiot anymore, and I thought we could move on. We dated for a few more months, but me still being car-less we had to take the train everywhere. She lived about and hour by train from my apt., so being a gentlemen, I would ride the train home with her and then depart back to my house. As such, I got into the habit of occupying my time writing her letters on the way back. This went on for awhile, and then for some god awful reason (I never mentioned the "L" word in any of my correspondence), She pulled me aside one night and told me she didn't feel comfortable in a relationship in which I was so madly in love with her, and she couldn't rerturn the emotion. I was stunned at how she could have thought I felt that way. I liked her sure, but Love? Anyway, we separated under the auspices that we would talk more about this the next day.
On the way home, I had plenty of time to think about what she had assumed, and got annoyed. So, I did the vanishing act. I was going to show this 'tard how much I LOVED her, by not returning calls, and disappearing off the face of the planet (I kept all her CDs too!) This is the one situation where I was the dumper, and don't feel badly at all about it!
P.S. I saw her a few years after that in a diner, and she body-checked me, spilling my OJ (I guess I deserved that...)
95 | Andrew | June 4, 2004 12:11 PM
We dated for about 18 months, through my last year of college and part of my first year of law school. One night, she called me to tell me that she'd been sleeping with a grad student at her school for the last month, and she hoped I was okay with that because she still wanted to see me. While I was still numb from that, she told me that the guy's fiance (!) was a classmate of mine in law school, that she was curious about the fiance from all the things the other guy has told her, and can the four of us double-date so that she could meet the fiance without her getting suspicious? Ummm... No, I don't think so.
96 | nazgul | June 4, 2004 12:32 PM
I think my night driving story counts. It is long and tedious but the long and short of it was that I drove 24 hours (she lived in a different country) through "fun" conditions to spend New Years with my girlfriend only to be told, half-way there, to turn around and go home as she did not want me. Actually, my mom told me this after the girlrfriend's best-friend phoned her.
So from girlfriend to girlfriend's friend to my mom to me via a payphone in some backwater town after 12 hours of driving.
K (#85) - No worries, you're off the hook. I can safely say that my friend who got dumped while naked in bed has never set foot in Aurora IL.
We had dated a while - a year I think. He moved to Atlanta and begged me to come with him. After a few months of visiting back and forth, I decided to make the move.
6 weeks after I move in with him/finding a job, he suggests that his brother move in too. It's only a two bedroom/1 bath apt...So I make them share a room and I get one to myself. We rarely had sex after that.
He is constantly talking about a female co-worker and I can tell he likes her. Even brings her to the apartment - so I met her. She's a dawg. But that's beside the point.
I finally realize I've had enough and move out. He BRAGS that he's been faithful to me this WHOLE time. Gee, thanks.
And he doesn't like that I know EVERYTHING about his life. Duh, what did you think living together would involve?!
A week later I hear from his brother that the EX is having sex with that co-worker.
99 | Sydney | June 4, 2004 01:06 PM
My friend got dumped while in bed with a guy.
Right after sex.
And, I mean right after. They were still naked.
The worst part was that they were at his place. She didn't even get the satisfaction of kicking his naked ass out the door and throwing his clothes out the window, or anything.
That's hilarious. Talk about owned. You know he had it all planned out. Classic. Go it on video?
YES! comment #1 and comment #101
My first boyfriend was a counselor at my summer camp. We spent 4 weeks making out at every given opportunity, and it was heavenly.
He came home later that summer on one of his days off to see me, and gave me a rose. Then he told me that our relationship was getting in between his relationship with God, and he needed to end things with me in order to be a better Christian. Reading between the lines, apparently the make-out sessions were really bothering him and he didn't want things to go too far.
I went upstairs and tore up every single one of his love letters and cried for hours. Then I realized, I got dumped for God! I couldn't ever compete with that.
102 | Mickey | June 4, 2004 05:22 PM
First boy I ever kissed. Crazy kid I work with, metaphysical semi-musical-genius type. We'd been messing around for three months or so, and then we both act like dumb shits and "accidentally" have unprotected sex one night. And fall asleep. The next morning, he tells me i have to make a decision, to agree to start having sex or we can't be together. I still feel like it was a mistake, so i'm sitting on the bed sobbing the morning after losing my virginity and my boyfriend's basically dumping me, walking out the door. And then I went to work the next day and got to exchange casual pleasantries with him throughout our 8-hour shift.
postscript..we got back together, i went on the pill, we fucked lots more times, and then broke up 'cause there was "no spark" on memorial day, two days after i went out and bought matching underwear for him. Well, for me, for him.
So this was tenth grade, and I was dating a 12th graders. We were dating for four months before my my interest started to fade. I give it two more weeks, but my mind has already started to wander onto other boys, so I break up with him- in person.
He tells me tha he could sorta see it coming in the past few weeks, and that he understood, and that we'd still be best friends, etc, etc, etc. And I was fine with this- he'd make a good friend.
It's all easier said than done, though.
A week later (at this point we hadn't outright told our friends that we had broken up), one of our mutual friends comes up to me and asks me why my ex is taking J to the prom. Well! This was certainly news to my ears. Especially because J had previously expressed her dislike for me- I thought she was a bitch for this, and my ex agreed with me. He backed up my opinion, told me that he didn't like her either, and then takes her to prom!
The next time I talked to him was a few weeks later before I left for camp, when the first question out of my mouth was, "so, how was prom?" Ouch.
Haven't managed to date anyone for over ten years due to being rubbish at talking to the opposite sex. I just can't do it, but I really want to. I hate being single, but do I really want to go through this (looks up at 104 comments)? Sigh.
105 | Me, yep, me | June 5, 2004 06:52 PM
OMG, Mickey (#102)! I got dumped for God, too! Sounds like he gave me the exact same conversation he gave you, to the letter. Somehow that was easier to handle than the guy I'd been dating, who KNEW I was totally head-over-heels for him, who had decided I wasn't what he wanted in a girlfriend and instead of telling me, strung me along for months. When I finally confronted him, he said he was just trying not to hurt me. I didn't speak to him for a year.
I don't know if this'll mean anything in the wrath that is your 106 comments, but I figured I'd make it 107.
I asked him out 6 months ago. He said yes. Everything was perfect.
Me: I have 26 performances of my play comming up, will you wait for me?
Him: Of course!
I got to see him once throughout that whole mess of shows on a Friday afternoon. We had sex. My first time. I thought everything was perfect and fabulous.
So I finished all my shows, still feeling as though my life was perfect, and it was all topped off with a great boyfriend.
We went to his cast party (His show only had 2 performances) and he ignored me the whole evening, when we hadn't seen each other for 3 weeks.
Afterwords I asked him what was going on. That soon led to a lot of excuses and the fact that he had been thinking of breaking up with me for 4 weeks. But didn't know how. That amazing Friday afternoon was apparently an afternoon of lust. Your think you known someone after 5 months. Ha.
He's currently in the process of ignoring me away and slinging mud/picking fights on various places on the internet.
I'd care if ... well, there is no reason to care. He felt emasculated by my independence.
I got dumped for the military. I had been LDRing a Marine. He came home, spent Thanksgiving through the weekend with me, we had lots and lots of sex, said tearful goodbyes when it was time for him to go back, and the next day he calls and says it's over and I quote, "If the military had intended for me to have a girlfriend, spouse, or significant other they would have issued me one." OUCH! I cried and cried, told him he'd be sorry, and he'd be back. Sure enough, 6 months later he was calling me again wanting me back. It's been 5 years since then, and he still calls. I just can't wash my hair of him. He was and still is a good guy, just made a shitty judgement call.
How about a happily ever after?
We'd been dating for almost a year. I was madly in love and never even considered that she might not feel the same. She went on a trip and the last thing she said before leaving was "Don't worry, you know I'm straight forward about things." I didn't get it and promptly forgot all about it. Can you see it coming? You're bright folk, I'm sure you can.
She gets back and her attitude has changed, she's more abrupt, she tells me that she didn't really miss me. I make allowances, I tell her "Of course you didn't miss me, you were too busy." Feeling sorry for me yet?
We go to dinner about two weeks after her return. I have a lovely time, she has something to tell me. "I think we should see less of each other." Me: "Huh?' Her "Were seeing each other every day and I just don't have time." Me: "Of courses, that's fine I understand. Let me know when you're available." I really didn't get that I was being dumped. She could tell that I didn't get it.
We continued on seeing each other like nothing had happened. A couple more weeks go by and she tells on a bike ride: "I slept with an old boyfriend while I was away. It didn't mean anything..." etc. etc.
I have to say it didn't come as a complete surprise, I knew something was bothering her. There were enough hints (bricks to the forehead really) that my sub-conscious must have known.
I'm was really upset. I calmed down and asked some questions. Turned out we had totally different ideas as to what our relationship was all about. She'd misinterpeted a statement I'd made in the first week of our dating. She had a date to go to a gig that had been lined up before we met. She told me about it and I said "I'm cool if you want to go, go." I didn't mean sleep with him and she didn't, but somehow she thought it meant ours was to be an open relationship.
We cleared the air and have been living together for over a year now.
Sorry this isn't the pain-fest of the other comments, but I have two points:
1. Sometimes things work out.
2. Being dumb isn't always a bad idea.
B went to law school first and I worked to support us. Then it was my turn. We'd been together 8 years, talked about getting married on our 9th anniversary, which would have been the day after my law school graduation. Had seriously talked about kids for two years. We had a relationship our friends envied.
The first breakup comes at the end of my second year. (Oddly, I'm still supporting us while I'm in school.) We sign a lease on the new apartment and I'm oblivious to the fact that our stuff is being separately packed. Shortly before the move, I get my credit card/phone bill and there are over 60 long distance calls from B's work to a strangely familiar number in New Mexico. (Several states away). I call the number and our "friend" J answers. "Is B leaving me for you?" I ask, not entirely sure why I've jumped to that conclusion, but knowing that B was there for a conference just a few weeks prior. "Well, ummm," J answers. Screaming ensues. Especially since I'd just called the week before asking when J was coming up to visit "us"!
Over the next year, we reconcile. J is out of the picture. No longer talking about a wedding, but happily living together. We plan summer trips and buy a kitten. Graduation arrives, my family is there, our friends from around the country. We're the perfect couple again. There are hundreds of happy-shiny couple photos taken that weekend.
Four weeks later and mere weeks before the bar exam. I come home from the library and our apartment is cleaned out. Clothes, furniture, FOOD (?!) -- vanished. And then there was the note: "I just can't do this in person." This, from the @?!$&$@ I'd supported all through law school and most of college!
111 | Kabe | June 9, 2004 08:32 PM
My worst: I was 21 and hopelessly in love with a hunky surfer. We had been together for a year and a half. I had spent an afternoon trying on bikinis, purchased one, and wore it over to his house to model for him. He didn't answer the door on the first knock, but I had seen his truck parked on the street, so I knew he was there. I knocked again, and he came to the door after an unusually long wait. Opened the door just a crack. Was wearing his "just had sex" cut-off sweats. Wouldn't let me in. I put two and two together (albeit slowly) and asked him who was in there with him. He said, "I don't think we should see eachother anymore." I cried for days. Then I shoved all the gifts he had ever given me through his mail slot in his front door. The ones that didn't fit: I cut into little pieces and THEN shoved through the mail slot.
Happy karmic post script: He wrote me a letter a year later telling me that the new girlfriend had made his life living hell. She had pretended to be pregnant and at some point had slashed all his tires.
Lousy break up #1:
High school boyfriend, who got rather jealous and possessive over dumb things (like me spending Easter at my grandmothers house). I get less interested in his crap and am really busy with track & school, call him a bit less. HE breaks up with me by printing out dozens of signs in rather large font that state that I am a bitch (with my full name on them) and hanging them up one morning all over one end of our school where I don't have classes until the very end of the day. I didn't care nearly as much about the break-up, but I was extremely appalled at the signs. jerk
Boyfriend of 2.5 years, he practically lives at my house- it's closer to his work & school than his dad's house was. He was a decent guy- would buy me little gifts & cards, did all the grocery shopping for me (I worked 2 jobs & went to school part time), etc. One saturday morning- post sex- I take a shower & then putz around in the kitchen for a while getting breakfast & waching tv. Head back to my bedroom, he's not there. Neither is most of his stuff (multiple changes of clothing, shoes, books, toiletries, his favorite pillow.) Call his dad's house, he's not there, leave a message. Try calling him at work that Monday, he's "not available". Five days later he finally calls me back and doesn't want to date anymore, and had started sleeping with his slutty best friend instead.
My revenge is that he later admitted I was better in bed than her and it was stupid of him. And now he dates a rather unattractive bitchy woman, though everyone thinks he's gay.
one breakup in my life: 10 years together, engaged for the last 2.5, survived long distance relationship between asia & usa, tried to find job in usa to stay on here so he can go to grad school here, returned home for visit to see him before planning to come back to the states, found great job in singapore, invites me to school play, introduces me to teacher friend as fiancee, breaks up with me long distance when i was on business trip in london, tells me he can't settle down...now he's married to teacher friend.
ahem, but not before i met the love of my life on a trip back to the states. ;)
his LOSS, T!
Today, actually. It was a mutual breakup, there were tears. It wasn't so bad.
But the pain is still there, no matter who did the breaking up. And it might be there for a long time.
More than half a year in a LDR, with plans to visit this month and move there.
I thought she was perfect, and I still do.
This fucking sucks.
116 | L | June 18, 2004 02:26 PM
i was dating this guy w/ an insanely busy schedule for 2 months...it was very hard to meet up but we'd squeeze each other in about once a week. at one point we were playing phone tag for about a week until i finally called when i knew he'd be home. he sounded kind of wierd on the phone and told me he'd call me at the end of the weekend to try and set something up for the following week. that sunday night i decided that a walk would be good to clear my head, and not two blocks from my apt. did i see him (and he sees me) having dinner at an outdoor restaurant w/ a girl who most definitely looked like a date. the next day i got an email telling me how sorry he was and that he thought we didn't "work." it just sucked. i didn't expect him to chase me down the street, but a phone call would have been so much less hurtful.
117 | sk | July 16, 2004 05:49 PM
That’s a great post, and it touched me particularly as I’m coping with a really rough break-up at the moment. I was seeing an absolutely incredible girl who matched me and fascinated me in so many ways. The time I spent with her was heavenly- the happiest I think I’ve ever been. I knew she was independant by nature and told her I didn’t want to hold her down or restrict her in any way, because she’d been in relationships where that had been the case.
Things had been going incredibly well for a few months, and then...my spidey sense went off. I tried to ignore it, but I am very good at reading people and I could just...tell she wasn’t being entirely honest with me (there were other clues, as well). I stressed to her that I didn’t mind having an open relationship, as long as she was up-front with me. She insisted she wanted to be exclusive with me.
I then did something I’m not proud of: I read her text messages. I found that she’d been seeing someone else. I was, and am, devastated. She was furious that I’d looked and I haven’t seen her since. But I miss her every second of the day. I’d never met anyone like her and I doubt I ever will.
Now I don’t know what to do. The world seems black. I can’t sleep, I never want to eat- all I can think of is her with this other guy.
I miss her so much I almost wish I’d ignored
my instincts and lived in ignorance, as dangerous as that would be. I just can’t believe someone who was a friend and a lover could have lied to me like that. My life’s been cut off its moorings, and I’m adrift.
Anyway, I wish all these stories led to the conclusion that it's possible to find someone who won’t betray you or be able to handle you- but that’s simply not the headspace I’m in. I don’t know why people hurt the ones they care about. I just wish my love, everything I had to give, had been enough to keep the person I loved happy- but it wasn’t, and now I don’t feel like I’ll ever be happy again.
118 | empty inside | August 3, 2004 08:11 AM
This is a great thread and it should be shown to every single person.
Non-single people should try not to think about it!
As for me, I have not really had any horror stories so far and I hope it stays that way(I'm only 25 so there is plenty of time!).
Breaking up is painful whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. It really is riduculous on some level that we have to go through this crap just to to satisfy our deepest instincts.
OK, I am done ranting.
119 | Anonymous | August 20, 2004 02:56 AM
Met her in London during an internship, she was my flatmate. Fell for her, and she did for me.
I cancel my studies, move over, we're together and happy.
6 months later.
Somehow I start feeling her slipping away. I can feel I've already lost her somehow, but I don't know it yet. So after one week feeling really miserable I ask her if we're still close to each other. "Of course we are". I try to talk about it, she pretends to sleep.
Next day, three days before we're supposed to go on a holliday together. She starts crying "I don't want all this to happen". That's how she broke up with me I guess, expecting me to hug her saying that she did the right thing. But still she hasn't got the balls to split up with me definetly. "A bit of distance will be good for us". I know I'll loose her.
I was in that holliday alone, missing her like crazy. We meet afterwards, I'm confronting her beeing a coward. I have to scream at her to get her to the point where she says "I don't love you" while looking in my eyes.
I try to convince her to keep the faith in our relationship, not to throw it away just like that.
She said she can't.
I said she never should call me, see me or write again, nor should she answer if I do. And still, two months later, I have to fight everyday not to do so. Guess that makes me a weak person, huh?
Vest thing is that, right in the middle of that conversation above, she asks me if I wanna go to a club with her (as a friend).
Anyway, if it's true that when B splits up B feels miserable, I hope she does!
got dumped via instant messenger on september 11, 2001.