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texas in six bulleted lessons
... Or, how a girl from the Blue Corridor came to fall in love with a Red State.
- Our first evening, we went to a restaurant in Fort Worth named Reata, and I learned Lesson Number One: Texas is BIG. Everything they do in Texas is LOUD. Nothing they do in Texas is SUBTLE. Our mesculin-eating Gothamite ways were humbled the instant steaks the size of our heads came out, as well as onion rings the size of bagels, and biscuits the size of Vermont. The rest is a food-coma-d blur.
- The restaurant had called two cabs for our group of friends. Walking toward the second cab, we found that two women had already seated themselves in it. We told them, “I’m sorry, this was our cab.” DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? They got out! Of the cab! And apologized! The same scene in New York City, guaranteed: [Door slams as cab peels from curb.] “Better luck next time, assholes!” Lesson number two: People in Texas are friendly! For no apparent reason!
- We then ambled on to Billy Bob’s, aka The World’s Largest Honky Tonk, to see Willie Nelson. Understand that for something in Texas to be called “the biggest” is simply not something I was prepared for; I think Manhattan and half of the Bronx would have fit under that roof. Sadly, we had missed the show at the indoor rodeo. Lesson number three: Stilletto-heeled tall black boots make you look like the Yankee that you are. So does cashmere. And sobriety. Shame on me for not representing or keeping it real.
- I was tired early, due to the aforementioned and unusual display of not drinking. In the cab Alex and I took back to our hotel, the two drivers (two? I didn’t understand either.) marveled at how quiet and “shy” we were. Apparently, talking to strangers is all the rage outside New York. I froze up, consumed with typical hand-wringing Semitic anxiety; how does one talk to strangers? I sputtered through a conversation, admitting the obvious: We are not from around here. [Really? You don’t say, darlin’!] They asked me about New York, how it is different. I told them that you can’t smoke anywhere but under your covers with the light off and cigarettes are often eight dollars a pack. Lesson number four: People might not understand why on earth you would put up with the nonsense you do to live in New York, and consider your judgment impaired. Don’t try to explain. They already know you people are nuts.
- I saw not a single pair of hip-hugger jeans. I saw no Diesels. I saw no stiletto pumps. I saw no $800 purses. Ironic t-shirts. Shaggy alterna-boy hair. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I didn’t miss them. At the boot store, I caught myself staring at a cowboy type, thinking he was handsome. Thinking if my momma didn’t know he was from a Red State, she might not have even minded me taking him for a spin. Lesson number five: Get a grip. One look at the morning’s headlines, and your good sense will return to you like last night’s tequila.
- I wanted to buy a sign I saw advertising “Cowgirl Heaven” to hang over our bed. My boyfriend said no. Lesson number six: He meant yes. And wear your boots.
comments (17)
You make yourself sound very superficial and self absorbed. There is more to life than cashmere and pointy boots. I like reading your site almost daily but you should really take another look at yourself.
1 | Anonymous | November 16, 2004 02:17 PM
as a current new yorker but native texan, i say - "Deb... AMEN!" I love the Lone Star State much more now than when I lived there. NYC is great, but it does make you appreciate a place where there is no state income tax and everybody says "howdy."
As for Anonymous - yes, that's probably true, and yet, my life has improved so since I discovered them... don't we all take enough looks at Deb to excuse her from taking any more?
2 | Joi | November 16, 2004 03:05 PM
Anonymous, unless i'm mistaken, I believe Deb was somewhat sarcastic, a bit of tongue-in-cheek...
3 | writersbloc gal | November 16, 2004 03:12 PM
ummm anonymous,
you make *yourself* sound very uptight and judgemental, this section is called "Comments" not "Criticisms" and I might take a guess that you've never worn cashmere... (p.s. one finger pointing still leaves three pointing back at yourself)
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great 'painting' of TX deb, makes me want to go there all-the-more. Sounds like a fun trip
4 | jenn | November 16, 2004 03:59 PM
I saw W. Nelson at Billy Bob's on October 28. When were you there? That's crazy since we both went there recently yet live nowhere near there.
5 | Eddie D. | November 16, 2004 05:34 PM
Where are you, in Dallas? No wonder. You need to come down to Austin to see the weird ones, like the SUV with a bumper-sticker that says "What Would Jesus Drive?"
6 | Gopi | November 16, 2004 09:08 PM
I'm glad you seemed to enjoy yourself here. I dig Funkytown (hee hee) a lot myself. I just got to go to Billy Bob's for the first time myself in October (Peter Frickin Frampton (I do feel like he feels - old)) and I've lived here 25 years. It was intense, and I stuck out too. Yee haw. :)
7 | jessica | November 16, 2004 11:44 PM
Anon - I believe it is possible to like cashmere and still conduct a multi-faceted and intelligent existence. I believe this site reflects this, and is the reason you are here. Should you find this site vapid, it is, as always, non-required reading.
writersbloc - Yes.
Eddie D. - November 12th for us. Funny coincidence, or does Willy Nelson just live there?
Gopi - We were dying to go to Austin; just ran out of time. There were a distinct lack of "weird ones" in Fort Worth.
8 | deb | November 17, 2004 09:15 AM
Ride 'em, cowgirl!
9 | Laren | November 17, 2004 04:20 PM
Deb, honey, you kill me. You're dead on about the Lone Star State. Half my family's from there, which is both point of pride and point of horror for my blue-state knee-jerk-liberal boot-wearin' self.
"Come see our rifles!" just sums it up perfectly: all that friendliness and good cheer wrapped up in a tart little NRA blanket. Hoo doggies.
And FYI, in Texas, people have indeed been thrown in the hoosegow for wearing cashmere, let alone stiletto-heel boots. These are crucial details in your piece. Ignore that first poster; s/he's clearly off her/his rocker.
10 | Georgia Jones | November 17, 2004 05:32 PM
one finger pointing still leaves three pointing back at yourself
And suddenly I'm back in grade school.
11 | dave3 | November 17, 2004 08:35 PM
I just went to Texas for the first time, and although I didn't get nearly as much time to explore as you did (business, not pleasure) I felt much the same way. Everyone was polite, the meat was really good, and the pace of life just seemed slower. I did have the misfortune of spending election day there. Overall a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
(By the way... first post from a long-time lurker... love the new look, and I've always loved your writing!)
12 | Addy | November 17, 2004 09:58 PM
The girl and I spent last week showing off Austin to a very sweet Canadian - we'd love to show it to you two as well!! Austin might be in Texas, but it's a whole different state of mind - and much more beautiful, too! Glad you had fun with the cowboys.
Come on down :-)
13 | Beth | November 17, 2004 10:11 PM
400K in Texas = 4000 SF 4 bed 3 bath 1/3 acre swimming pool, formal living, formal dining, a kitchen you would kill to ice cupcakes in, office, game room and media room. August is completely insane (I don’t advise anyone to come to Texas in August) but it never smells like a urinal. (I have been in NY in July and I am just saying eeeewwwww)
Oh and as far as that clean cut cowboy – you would have been better off worrying about what his momma thought – Yankee’s are not always that popular here – no matter how cute and no matter how big the rack :). Signed a devout fan who happens to be a cashmere wearing ( mmmm cashmere and it comes in sooo many colors), pointy stiletto boot wearing, Red State living (and voting) reader.
14 | Red state | November 18, 2004 03:39 AM
Oh and I forgot to mention - it wasn't the boots that gave you away as a tourist - it was the location. Only tourists go to Billy Bob's. For some reason people think it gives them a slice of Real Texas.
15 | Red State | November 18, 2004 03:44 AM
I grew up in Texas, even *gasp* went to college there. Herself grew up in New York. One trip to San Antonio's river walk and three giant margaritas later, we were parents.
16 | Robert | November 18, 2004 06:22 PM
Having spent time in NYC and living in Austin, I can totally appreciate your "experience." I recommend Austin for your next Texas adventure, and try to sneak in a bit of ACL Fest for a serious musical experience. However, I found New Yorkers chatty, friendly (or was I just that unusual??) ...and by the time I was there after one week I found people asking ME directions, Texas accent and all! Each place has its charm, and when you return, welcome back!!
17 | Doreene | July 21, 2005 12:19 PM