congrats!!! i know how you feel w/ not having spent all of your life planning this stuff ... and how it can be kind of fun and kind of scary when you begin to do it! but it will all end up being cool in the end, i'm sure!

Dont worry... I'm sure you'll have thousands of suggestions to go through by the end of the week!

Oh, Deb, I know just what you mean. We swore we wouldn't talk wedding specifics for a month post-engagement. But in just the few days between the proposal and my jetting off solo to Greece, we started to rough out some ideas, and by the time I got back Steve and my folks had done quite a bit of site/date/detail legwork. It IS fun. It's especially fun when you're thinking about throwing a great party YOUR way, not fulfilling anyone's Big Fat Whatever Wedding vision. Enjoy it! And sushi and a vodka bar sounds fantastic. I know I said it before, but hie thee over to IndieBride (http://kvetch.indiebride.com). You'll understand why once you visit.

mad: I did - thanks for the link! But, I can't seem to keep myself from peeking a theknot.com and other awful-ness. "It's for reasearch purposes," I keep saying, but we know that's not really the case. Yesterday, I even read the NYTimes WEDDING SECTION... I don't know what's happening to me...

michael: As long as those "thousands" of suggestions don't come on Wednesday night...

Thank the lord. Someone else who hasn't thought about marriage since she was a foetus. I no longer feel alone.

Oh, I check out the knot periodically, too, mostly for local vendor info. But for the most part, it squicks me out (at least on the CO board, all the knot brides seem to be 23-25 and having THE SAME WEDDING). For what it's worth, the wedding porn I have found most useful (and least annoying) is Martha Stewart Weddings. There's some actual substantive content and helpful tips in Martha's mag, whereas the rest of them seem to be 250 pages of strapless ballgown ads.

It WILL be fun. It will be fantastic. It will be, cheesy as it sounds, one of the happiest days of your life, thus far. The chuppa and the ketubah (www.ketubah.com, believe it or not) are wonderful and ultimately those are the things that bring on the tears (oh, and I also recommend _The New Jewish Wedding_, written by Anita Diamant, the author of _The Red Tent_). Really, the party is the icing of what will definitely be a beautiful and wonderful day.

The perfect wedding, as far as I'm concerned. (That's not a stock photo btw.)

I think you should use your POWER blog to demand freebies from wedding stores. Like Star Jones. AHA HA AHA HA HA HZHA AH AHA H HAAHAHA AHAH HA

No wait, seriously.

Hey, Deb. I am getting married too in Feb his year (2005) and I am so over whelmed by the entire wedding preparations even though mine is rather low budget. Here, in India our wedding rituals last for 4 days ! I am having to shop like crazy at the same time having to keep the budgets in mind. I will be writing about all this in my blog soon. I am yet to come to terms that I am going to be some one's wife in less than two months time as this was one dream which never figured. !

deb, i was as clueless as you, and don't worry, it will all turn out great. screw color theme - i just found a dress that my three girls could live with w/o spending a ton, and voila the bridesmaid dress is done. and as for the other stuff, feel free to contact me with any questions - i think we have it under control right now.

First of all - congrats - my wedding in November in Boston actually *was* a party that we threw for friends, family, and ourselves but yet we incorporated a few "traditional" aspects into it. I'd be happy to wedding chat with you!

Congrats! I, too, was never a wedding fanasizer. But the details were very important to my (now) ex-husband and my mom. So I let them handle everything. We didn't have one disagreement about wedding plans, my ex happily and anally staged the entire wedding along with my mom, we stayed within a very low budget...and I felt like a very special guest at my own wedding, which, BTW, was wonderful. I wore an absolutely amazing dress that was affordable because I (shock! dismay!) rented it. And you know what? There has never been an occasion where I needed to wear it again. Just a thought, from a thrift shop devotee big into recycling.

Congrats again!

You're not alone, Deb. This funky hippie Jew starts crying *every* time these two moments happen in "Fiddler on the Roof."

1) The wedding scene - especially when they're all walking up the hill together as a community, holding little candles.

2) Sabbath Prayer - when the music swells to a crescendo, but ends quietly with Tevye's beautiful, simple, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahmaaaaaaayyyyynnnn."

I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it.

Mazel tov, by the way.

Deb, I ended up being the uber wedding-planning girl. I swore that I was not to be *that* kind of bride, but I ended up anally and completely planning everything down to the last detail. And it was great because on the day of, I could just relax and enjoy and not worry about any of it.

And it was so not "wedding-y." We threw a helluva a party in New Orleans for 100 people (we put our foot down on the swollen guest lists that our two mothers tried to force feed us), with great food, fab wine and a great swing band. There was no awful boquet throwing (who wants to embarass their single friends so publicly?), no color scheme (we just kept everything black and white), no bullshit and no frou-frou. Just stay true to what YOU want and have fun.

Oh and as for bridesmaids dresses... my girlfriends and I went to Ann Taylor and bought pretty, black skirts and different tops in the same color and viola -- bridesmaids dresses!

BANG! BANG! (thud. thud.)

Ahh...I feel much better now. Seriously, though, I'm impressed that you *know* enough "epicurious" people to consider having sushi at your wedding. Personally, I think that would be the coolest gig ever, one that I wouldn't even complain about dressing up to attend.

Unfortunately, if I tried something like that, I'd either have to exclude 90% of my friends and family (including my best friend/fantasy bride) or arrange for a squeamish refugee camp on the other side of a BIG room, complete with a chicken fingers/mashed potato bar and a curtain for people to sit behind so that they wouldn't have to see all the "snobs" eating raw fish and rolling their eyes at them. Sigh. Reason #4,536 that I will never get married, I suppose...

Oh, I never said that sushi would be a POPULAR idea, and it was QUICKLY rejected by family members... but for two minutes there, it was fun to dream.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and keep them coming! I'm thrilled to hear that I'm not the only one overwhelmed by all of this.

One of the best wedding receptions I've ever been to was a cookout at a local park with potted plants for centerpieces. Just terrific. We wore shorts and sneakers.

Your remark about how a party thrown for friends and family should be like any other party you'd throw made me smile. I'm not yet at the point where I need to plan such an event, but I like the sound of that...

Just for the record:!:! This "family member" did NOT reject sushi, ....and if there is none, I'll bring my own.

Funny...Alex mentioned to me last Monday or Tuesday that "Deb and I have agreed to not talk wedding for one month". I think my response was, "Uh, yeah, good luck".

My advice for Alex is to just say, "That's fine, dear."

He'd better not. Why should this monstrosity have to be all of my creation? :)

I particularly like what Alex and I joked about months ago, that if we were ever going to do this, we'd just lock both of our mothers in a room together for a week and let them sort it out.

Quick advice on centerpieces (please stop me if you don't want any advice, but it seems as though you're genuinely looking for help from other non-bridey brides):

potted rosemary plants... they look beautiful and smell nice and one person at each table can take them home afterwards.

We took regular old terracotta pots, spray painted them white (it gives it a cool texture), my dad potted the rosemary bushes (about 6 inches tall) and topped the soil with pretty river rocks.

Everyone raved about them and they cost something like $12 each for the pot, the plant, the soil and the rocks... a lot less than the florist wanted for lilies in glass vases at each table ($78 each!).

It IS fun! Enjoy!!

Long time lurker, first time commenter. . .

I myself was the planner-type. . .but I didn't want things too traditional. I got married this past August. . .small ceremony at the Jefferson Memorial with just under 100 people.

We used Mason jars filled with wildflowers for centerpieces and lining staircases at the reception site . .and candleholders from Ikea that cost nothing. It's important to make the day yours. . .congrats and best of luck on making it through this next part.

Just remember this: you don't have to include any dumb wedding traditions that you don't want. If it's stupid, forget it. No one will care. Really. They will think you are cutting edge.

My wedding: 7 guests, one groom, small 185 year-old chapel, no registries, less than glam honeymoon, 3 week-old baby girl there to greet us upon return.

Nearly twenty-three years later? I can honestly say I wouldn't change a single thing.

Have fun with this! And just for Alex, so he won't feel left out and all, here's a great little site:

http://www.thegroomguide.com/

We used photo holders for centerpieces with our favorite photos from our childhoods, family members, wedding guests, etc., and used them as decorations around the room, too. They acted as a prop to get our friends and families (many of whom had only met that week) telling stories to one another and reminiscing. I highly recommend it.

Congratulations!

Weddings are hellish but in the end really worth the memories. My wedding is still talked about (being that it's the only Jewish wedding my friends have ever attended).

Your wedding will be remembered forever by many as well as you and your husband.

Go cheap on a dress (they are beautiful no matter what) but spend on photography and flowers.

Remember that it's your day. Do what you want, not what your "family wants."

I am extremely happy for the three of you. (Deb, Alex, and ye new sparkly ring.) And I wish you every happiness. And if you ask me what I think about the dessert menu, I know you already know what I'll advise:

Instead of chocolate pudding, serve mineral water. Because it's the same.

God I love you Esther.

Plus, as FuW and I have learned, alot of people get engaged over the holidays, so the earlier the better on making your moves to a place you love the better.

:) PS, You may not know this, but I'm the queen of Jewish wedding rituals, so ask if you have any questions at all, ok?

I am having to shop like crazy at the same time having to keep the budgets in mind. I will be writing about all this in my blog soon.