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i just wanted to get my fiancé a present.
Something that would make him swoon; something that would try but fail to adequately say, thank you for being the coolest, sweetest, best guy ever and blah, blah, butterflies, hearts, flowers, etc. So I bought him an IPod. He’s been wanting one forever and maybe he didn’t buy himself one because he thought he'd have to get one for me too, or because he was saving for a ring, or, or … but he’s been using the same banged-up Discman for years now and the boy really, really deserves an IPod.
I knew from hunting on Ebay, Amazon, etc. that they’re the same price no matter how you slice it, so I decided to just order it from Apple - that they threw in free shipping and engraving didn’t hurt. Since we do not – the horror! – live in a doorman building, we constantly miss package deliveries. After recieving the first missed delivery notice, I called FedEx to ask them to hold it for a walk-in pick up at their station. While I could have signed the release for them to leave it in the lobby when we were not home, the idea of leaving a small box from Apple in a doorway essentially open to the street seemed like an obviously unintelligent idea. (In hindsight, however…) After work yesterday, I hauled myself over to the choking, exhaust-ridden, and desolate block of 33rd Street between 10th and 11th Avenues, presented my package slip, waited fifteen minutes for them to obtain the package, handed them my ID, reached for the pen to sign…
…And was promptly informed that I would not be able to pick up my package.
[…]
[…]
Oh no she DID NOT.
“Why,” I asked, eyes widened, teeth beginning to clench, speaking in slow, measured tones, “will I not be able to pick up this very package in front of me with my name on it?”
“The address on your ID does not match the mailing address.”
People, I move apartments more often that most get their hair cut. Since I never drive, my ID typically serves the grand purpose of being flashed for bouncers and store clerks who all-too-infrequently flatter me with the suggestion that I look younger than I am. (I always thank them, profusely.) The address is never up-to-date, not that that was any of Ms. Thing’s business.
“I just moved, like, two weeks ago – I haven’t gotten a new license yet.”
“Apple sent us a twenty page fax just this morning saying that because of theft, the ID address must match the mailing address for all walk-in pick-ups.”
“I was not informed of this when I placed my order or when I called to have the delivery held.”
“You’ll have to work this out with Apple.”
“But I’m here now. That’s MY PACKAGE. Look!” [Rummaging through bag], “This is my OFFICIAL RECEIPT from the Apple store with my credit card number, billing address, and shipping address on it, all which match!”
“Ma’am, you’re going to have to work this out with Apple. You can call them when you get home.”
“I am NOT leaving here without it. It is RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and I am HOLDING MY RECEIPT. Besides, it will be sent back.”
“You’ll have to have it redelivered.”
(I would like to be able to say at this point that I quietly picked up my phone and called 1-800-MY-APPLE, that I recognized this as the no-budge situation that it was, and immediately did what had to be done without hissing or saying unpleasant things and imagining violent acts that would quickly land me in the New York Times for the second time this month, though more along the lines of ‘Hepburn’ Opens Fire on FedEx Station. This however, would not be the truth.)
A couple minutes later, I was working my way through the phone menus at Apple – which, by the way, do not have a button you can press for “bitch won’t give me my stuff” – TWO TIMES that I pressed “2” to “speak to a customer service representative”, I was transferred to a dead extension and my call dropped. (Nice work, guys. I'll remember this when I buy my next PC.)
(I would also like to be able to say that I did not stand in the middle of a FedEx station overlooking the scenic entrances to the Lincoln Tunnel, cursing at my phone, but this, too, would sadly not be the case.)
I eventually spoke to a Real Live Human Being (RLHB) and explained the problem and their policy, which, of course, was news to him. After fifteen more minutes on hold, he informed me that his supervisor was at that very moment calling this FedEx station to give verbal permission for them to release my package to it’s rightful owner.
“He can’t CALL here. He needs to send it through the computer.” I was immediately informed by Ms. !@#$% the kindly FedEx employee behind the counter.
After another fifteen minutes on hold, the RLHB informed me that “permission had been sent through the computer” and that all would now be well.
“Please!” I begged him, “Stay on the phone with me! Don’t go yet! Wait until she says she’s received it – I don’t want to have to call back and do this all over again!” Yes, I was near-hysteria.
One hour after I walked into FedEx, I walked out with my beloved gift for my beloved fiancé, only to realize that I was on the sketchiest block I have yet to see in this city. (Have you SEEN 32nd and Dyer Avenue? It’s a RAMP!) Oh, the irony if someone nicks my little Apple box after I went through such hell to get it! I thought, snickering to myself, realizing it wasn't even a little funny and hopping in a cab. A minute later I burst through the door of our apartment, hollering: “You have NO IDEA how much I love you!!!”
But, he does now.
I have never bought anyone a present that made them this happy. And not even running, jumping around the apartment happy, but eyes-welling-up and breaking-my-heart happy. I can’t believe I am going to say this, but it was totally worth it.
Oh, and in case you were wondering – this is the engraving on the IPod.
You know, because I might have forgotten to answer a simple question a couple weeks ago.
comments (26)
best iPod engraving ever. EVER.
congratulations to you all. you, alex, and iPod will be SO HAPPY together.
1 | lara | December 30, 2004 10:59 AM
I actually lived on 41st and Dyer my first year in the city. But it's not nearly as sketchy now as it was then.
Congrats on the engagement and the successful iPod purchase...
2 | Steve | December 30, 2004 11:35 AM
They tried to do that to me with my ipod too, but it was UPS. In Maspeth. when there is a ups station in long island city and me in astoria. he felt bad for me having to take a day of to pick up an ipod and let me have my package. maybe it was me having a "he" and you having a "she". evil package people. best gift ever though. you are the opposite of an evil package person!
3 | li | December 30, 2004 11:39 AM
Whew. Thank God this had a happy ending -- I was getting nervous due to the length of the rant. +1 on the best engraving ever!
Also, thanks for the French 101 lesson:
fiancé = Man engaged to be married.
fiancée = Woman engaged to be married.
You just made me realize that I technically told someone yesterday via email that my sister is marrying a woman. Whoops. Oh well, I took Spanish in high school, OK?
4 | bionicroach | December 30, 2004 12:05 PM
Actually, I made the mistake on the last entry and someone pointed it out but I've been too lazy to correct it. Alex, your just going to have to be a lady for that one.
5 | deb | December 30, 2004 12:15 PM
That's the most adorable thing ever. :D
And li, I had to go to the UPS station in Maspeth a few months ago. SKETCHY AREA. DON'T WALK THERE. TAKE A CAB. :P
6 | C | December 30, 2004 12:29 PM
awwwwww...
7 | Daniella | December 30, 2004 01:05 PM
i drove-they have a parking lot. but yes, very sketchy.
8 | li | December 30, 2004 01:13 PM
Ok the engagement story was nice and all...good job BizCasual but, honestly this one had me welling up beyond imagination. Having dealt with that fedex station which might as well be in Pennsylvania its far west on the coldest weekend last year- I totally understand. And the ipod - I want to know more about it - what size is it, any accessories? You guys have your rings - us guys have electronics and gadgets.
9 | Snowkatz | December 30, 2004 01:31 PM
"YES"
It's brilliance.
10 | pomegranate. | December 30, 2004 01:35 PM
First Paris and now this?
Sigh.
Are you two looking to adopt a 24 year old layabout? I can churn out valid code and wash dishes!
11 | Colleen | December 30, 2004 01:51 PM
OMG How cute! Now you have a child. Maybe Yes and Trixie can set up a play date! OMG
cheers
12 | jocelyn | December 30, 2004 01:55 PM
WHAT an ordeal! UGH!! I'm glad everything worked out ok!
13 | Leslie | December 30, 2004 03:36 PM
That is so cute.
14 | Maura | December 30, 2004 03:42 PM
Wow.... I don't think my girlfriend would ever DREAM of actually sitting at the post office and calling Apple, she'd probably call me and tell me the story and have me deal with them. Anyway, nice engraving! And I'm glad he liked it!
15 | Hasan Diwan | December 30, 2004 04:07 PM
Very cool on the engraving. Looks awesome.
16 | Howard | December 30, 2004 04:08 PM
You just made me go "YES!!!" and then "aaaaawwwwwwwwwww" and then "wow"...
17 | Natali | December 30, 2004 04:31 PM
I feel for you.
Just a few weeks ago I sent my laptop into Acer via FedEx to have it repaired. It was fixed in only a day (Acer is speedy) and sent back to me via Fedex 2-day delivery. (This was a week and a half ago.) I just picked it up this morning from a FedEx location.
Guess what happened?
A week ago they told me that my laptop had been STOLEN from their station and that while they would replace it, it would take them a week to do so because they had to contact my manufacturer.
It turns out that the computer had not been stolen, but rather was flying back and forth between Texas and Illinois (while being untracked by FedEx's system) for some reason. Ugh!
Oh and that's such a great engraving...
18 | Danica | December 30, 2004 06:16 PM
That YES made MY eyes well up.
Well done.
19 | amanda | December 30, 2004 06:24 PM
That is quite possibly the most adorable thing I have ever seen.. It's so simple, so personal. Only you and Alex (and the rest of your faithful readers) will know what it means without explanation. Too cute..
20 | Scarlett | December 30, 2004 07:57 PM
That is one classy answer. Made my eyes well up, too.
21 | Kimberly | December 30, 2004 08:06 PM
Our eyes well up as Our lower lip begins to quiver.
Most excellent
22 | Occam | January 2, 2005 11:25 PM
Very nice engraving.
But still, to stand in such lines and endure such crap? (just sayin that to be nice)
Cripes.
God Bless Ya Both, if you do get married.
God Bless Ya.
:}
Hope it lasts forever.
23 | Gina | January 3, 2005 12:36 AM
This is a great story. Now do you think he might be willing to share his iPod with you? My wife has one and she's not good at letting me use it. Which, if course, is a great excuse for me to buy one for myself :)
24 | Brian | January 3, 2005 03:31 PM
too cool
25 | Master Foley | January 4, 2005 02:27 PM
Several degrees of separation from that first "Next Blog" button I clicked, and here I was at your blog. Anyway, your iPod entry is one of the most touching stories I've read in quite a while. Good luck to you both.
26 | Taylor | January 6, 2005 09:41 PM