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now with 200% more parental supervision!
Someone at our Thanksgiving dinner decided that the best way to get my father to unwind was to pour him a triple of scotch. (Mother only allows him to drink singles at a time.) It went right to his head.
“Dad, did I tell you Ken was in town a couple weeks ago? We went out for a couple drinks.”
“Ken? Who’s Ken?”
“KEN, dad. You know Ken. We went to Lake Tahoe with him years ago? He’s stationed in Iraq right now?”
“Ken? Wait, I thought his name was Keith, not Ken.”
“No Dad, not Keith, KEN.”
“Well then, who is Keith?”
“I don’t know who Keith is. Just Ken. I’m going to get a drink of water.”
I stormed off to the kitchen, head spinning: So dad’s referencing my personal website, while I reference real life? This is so… post modern… or something straight from The Onion, what have you. I have never doubted that any of these SiteMeter ticks could come from distant friends, loathing exboyfriends, or potential future employers – but Mom and Dad?
Nevertheless, this seems as good of a time as any to welcome my parents here to The Smitten Dot Com. They’re good folk. I hope we can help them to feel at home. Now, just a few bits of housekeeping:
- Alex wants me to explain under no uncertain terms that he visits strip-clubs on the rarest of occasions, and only to celebrate bachelor parties. And, Mom, he says that your noodle pudding is the best he’s ever had. (Such a kiss-up, this one…)
- Pictures of dad dressed as Santa Claus for the glee of all the neighborhood children, if shared with me, will be posted shortly thereafter.
- Any prior posts which may have made the suggestion that your daughter had loose moral values or even – shudder - a drinking problem were (clearly) out-and-out lies, as I am (of course) the embodiment of decorous behavior. Really, I was just trying to increase my page rank. Swear.
- A post had initially been planned for this week about the hilarity of Alex and I, self-professed failed computer geeks, trying unsuccessfully to find porn on the internet. It will not be delayed indefinitely. When it appears, and out of courtesy for all parties involved, please close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, and yell, “la-la-la-la” – just like I always do when you ask me when I’m getting married.
- Yes, I know my grammar is abominable. It’s not your fault. You did your best.
comments (14)
that's an awesome 'disclaimer' deb! i need one of those, since my parents, professors and grandmother will most certainly stumble across posts that reveal my own often shaky morals, the existence of a (currently meager) sex life and other evidence of imperfection.
1 | sassylittlepunkin | December 2, 2004 12:40 PM
You are so damn cute I adore you.
2 | Ari | December 2, 2004 12:53 PM
This is one of the most funny --but more importantly-- the BEST "Hi mom & dad" posts I have read in a blog! :)
I was just reading an article a few weeks ago about what to do when your parents find your blog...that minidescription alone is enough to make me laugh...
My parents have stumbled onto my blog recently and I am thankful I have ommitted a few details in my personal life because I know they will not pull a "lalalalala" on me as much as I pull it on them.
Cheers!
3 | babblingdweeb | December 2, 2004 01:53 PM
God help my if my parents stumbled across mine... I suddenly feel a chill...
4 | michael | December 2, 2004 02:18 PM
You know, all of our parents actually know each other so... Ooooh! You're in trou-ble!
5 | deb | December 2, 2004 02:41 PM
Regarding #3: I'm glad you admitted to lying for the sake of your page rank. Eveybody's doing it, but nobody wants to admit it. Go you for being honest. Or wait...is your #3 a lie to cover up the truth? Hmm...
6 | foodsux | December 2, 2004 03:43 PM
Long time reader, first time commenter. Love your site.
I don't think your grammar is bad. Or maybe mine isn't as good as I think!
7 | Bryan | December 2, 2004 03:57 PM
First, I want you to know that I have enjoyed your site immensely, and the only reason I never told you that I had stumbled upon it, HA! ...searched for it..., is that I was so proud of you that I didn't want you to ever change your style ... not one iota. I can't imagine that you have ever done all of those "things," but then you probably can't imagine what your parents have done. At the risk of being flippant, "been there, done that." Temporal distance though softens the memories. :-)
Having said all this, I want you to know that I check your site before I even read my email ... and your vacations sans computer leave a void. Also tell Alex, I would have been much more assertive about the Auschwitz reference, but then I don't have to worry about losing a job.
And last, thank you for being so gracious in the face of my deception. I'm not sure that I would have been so had the tables been turned.
143
...and perhaps some one can tell me how to get paragraph breaks into the comments.
8 | SantaDad | December 2, 2004 05:52 PM
My parents found my blog last year (with a little help from my sister), and my mom has since become one of my readers' favorite commenters. Go figure.
9 | Hilary | December 2, 2004 06:04 PM
OMG--if my parents found mine--OMG
they would send me to Hazelden or Betty Ford. Hopefully I can talk them into Promises in Malibu.
aha ah aha ah aha ha
10 | jocelyn | December 2, 2004 08:33 PM
Don't stress so much. At least you father doesn't have his own blog, let alone write posts about static in his pants. I know this from experience. After that, they cannot hold anything against you.
11 | corie | December 3, 2004 08:29 AM
Deb, this is entirely off-topic, but I had to think of you when I saw the latest strip from Spamusement (“Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!”) — titled like flipping a switch that will allow you to get exactly what you want. Teeheehee.
12 | Aristotle | December 3, 2004 11:04 AM
Absolutely hilarious - thank you!
13 | deb | December 3, 2004 11:21 AM
The disclaimer is great, but the note from SantaDad is even better. How sweet!
14 | Liz | December 3, 2004 01:31 PM