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hideous, but to be pitied and loved.
Last week, among a flurry of emails with new favorite internet friend Sarah Hatter, I told her how much I enjoyed an old post of hers about her uber-hip neighbors, and added that “our new neighbor keeps a dried flower monstrosity in front of her door to the hallway which is so ugly I feel the need to kick it every time I walk by. I am obviously a terrible person.”
And I am. But my real issue with this piece of garage sale art is that it reminds me of the decorating style of this horrendous, awful roommate I had a few summers ago who kept all of these pseudo-Victorian, Little House-style crap everywhere, which weren’t just ugly, but old and dirty. Plus, they clogged our tiny apartment, or in this recent case, a narrow hallway.
Oh, and it’s really, corrosively, ugly.
That said, I am going to explain to all of you (who have not figured it out already) yet another reason why I am a complete asshole: When I got home from work yesterday, I rifled through the pile of loose mail in our lobby (ha! On the radiator at the base of the stairwell, but, whatever…) for any that might belong to us and came across the following magazines: Vogue, Men’s Health, Details, GQ, InStyle, essentially The Gay Man’s Coffee Table – all addressed to our neighbor, who is, by the way, not female.
Suddenly, the “corrosively ugly” mixed dried and artificial flower structure wasn’t offensive, it was gay. It no longer represented this pathetic person I used to live with but an urbane, fashionable, permanent bachelor-type individual; no longer a dusty, aged icon of femininity and homemaking, but … camp.
And now I walk by it and chuckle. Oh, it’s hideous, but it is to be pitied and loved. Just like the terrible, wicked person who tells you these stories.
Update: That which I was too lazy to post yesterday. Behold, the horror, so big I couldn't even fit it in a single photo frame -
comments (8)
These things do happen but I wouldn't be so hard on myself.
1 | michael | March 9, 2005 08:45 PM
Oh, that's rich! Should I feel guilty for laughing?
2 | Derek | March 10, 2005 09:18 AM
that's WONDERFUL. i love it.
If you had an awful next door neighbor, you could always play the
Revenge CD at full volume.
I just saw this and love it.
3 | shana | March 10, 2005 11:00 AM
When we moved into our apartment there was a mammoth SUV outside with plates that read STUDLY. It was over a year before we finally caught a glimpse of the man which gave us plenty of time to laugh at his expense and fantasize about the size of his ego. Perhaps that's why he needed the SUV. As we marveled at the man behind the plates we overlooked the subtle rainbow bumper sticker in the back window. LIke with the flowers in your hallway, those plates were funny and he seemed to be in on the joke...
4 | Meredith | March 10, 2005 01:23 PM
Please take a picture of it and post it. Your readers, WANT to see
5 | jocelyn | March 10, 2005 01:58 PM
Sorry I've been lazy about getting the picture up. 2 minutes.
6 | deb | March 10, 2005 02:19 PM
egads.....shuddering & giggling on the inside at the same time.
7 | carrster | March 10, 2005 04:16 PM
Holy crap, that thing's minging!
8 | Olly | March 11, 2005 07:57 AM