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crack

I’ve always supposed that at some point, maybe your 20s, 30s, or maybe you’re a trendy fit Chelsea queen and you hold out longer, but at some point, you and fashion just break up. You stop understanding each other’s needs. You find each other insipid. You see their best moves and you think, “Why? Is this really necessary?”

Understanding this, and holding to this theory since my adolescence, I’d always sworn I that would fight it, tooth and nail. While I would understand that the same jeans I had been wearing for ten years may not make me appear connected with the world around me, I would also comprehend that wearing teeny-bopper styles as an adult – as so many of my friend’s mother’s had done when we were in middle school – looked ridiculous. Mom was trying too hard. She had no business wearing parachute pants.

[Well, neither did I. Especially the pink ones. But we don’t need to speak of those, do we?]

Which brings me to my original rant: I am so sick of these uber-low-rise-really-not-any-distance-above-your-butt-crack-and-you-are
-completely-aware-of-it-and-wear-them-anyhow jeans. (This would be a good time to distinguish them, of course, from the moderately-low-rise-perfectly-fitting-adorably-butt-flattering jeans which are to be encouraged.) Not because I wear the former, no thank you; I have hips and prefer not to split them into two horizontal bulges. No, my real issue with them is that I am tired of getting inadvertently mooned by complete strangers. If the jeans barely cover your crack when you are standing, you might want to reconsider the act of leaning forward. Surely we can get you a new pen/book/cell phone and spare me the flash of your plumber’s butt. I mean, was just walking down the street; it’s more than I ever wanted to know. Please, just put it away.

This must be the point where fashion and I part ways. One of us wants coverage, the other wants cleavage. One longs for visibly doubled love handles, the other wants to pretend they don’t exist. These things happen. We gave it our best. The odds were stacked against us from the beginning, baby. It wasn’t going to work out anyway.

And I resent your implication that from here, it’s just a slippery slope into the worn-out sweatpants in public, hair astray, orange lipstick-phase of my life when the scary British women descend upon my closet, humiliating its contents publicly, and shoving me back into crack-baring jeans.

comments (35)

Couldn't agree more. I actually blame the British for the crack-showing style...saw it first when I was studying in the UK, it's my theory that it worked its way across the pond. Equally bad on both continents.

1 | Rachel | April 8, 2005 03:22 PM

ironically, that kind of break-up is known as "letting yourself go".

2 | hubs | April 8, 2005 04:41 PM

Butt crack is the new cleavage

3 | jocelyn | April 9, 2005 12:47 AM

Imagine sitting in a room full of sorority girls, all sitting on the floor. I didn't know there was that much variety in butt cleavage.

4 | Angie | April 9, 2005 02:13 AM

I agree with you. I think excessive butt-crack exposure should be banned along with those men's ultra-low mattress-sized jeans that sit right above their knees.

5 | Joy | April 9, 2005 12:39 PM

I was in the organic store last night and saw butt crack. I'm sick of seeing it too and was tempted to drop a quarter in it to see if I could make a phone call.

6 | Lisa | April 9, 2005 02:51 PM

My mother is going through a midlife crisis. She bought those jeans the other day (after some lipo, tummy tuck, et al). She said to me, "Um,do you think I'm too old for these jeans?" I'm usually not one to judge her. But I think my look said it all. Mom, put your ass back inside your pants. She promptly returned them. Some things don't even look good on teenagers.

7 | Jennifer | April 9, 2005 05:48 PM

Oh yes: the BRITISH girls. My friend Heather keeps threatening to sic them on me, such that when I'm out with friends I scan the room for cameras before taking off my (perfectly fashionable) jacket. I do know the fear of the What Not To Wear girls. A pox on their houses.

8 | Georgia | April 10, 2005 12:47 AM

I have a great ass. It's particularly great when fully covered by pants. (Although I had a girl walk up to me in a coffee shop once and kindly inform me that my thong was showing. I promptly rearranged my clothing.)

9 | Alli | April 10, 2005 01:05 AM

Oh... I was just gonna say that I think the low cut style seemed perfectly set up to show off thongs... So many girls seem to display themselves thus, at any rate.

Alli's comment makes me think that perhaps they aren't trying to show off their thongs, however. Or are you an unusual girl in that department, Alli? I've been curious about that - comparing the display of thong to the old "off the shoulder" look to display the bra strap that girls used to use. Eye catching and enticing, right? :-p

10 | Melissa | April 11, 2005 10:49 AM

"Butt crack is the new cleavage"

hahahahahahahahahaha - I spit coffee on that one.

11 | Jane Smith | April 11, 2005 01:41 PM

Thongs baffle my mother. She says floss goes in your mouth not up your butt.

12 | Undies | April 11, 2005 03:32 PM

"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread!" Am I the only man reading this?

13 | SantaDad | April 11, 2005 08:08 PM

I wouldn't mind it showing a bit back when I was single, but not so much anymore.

Thongs are so you don't have panty lines! It took me forever to convinve my mum that was why I was buying them.

14 | Alli | April 12, 2005 12:30 AM

Actually Dad, I was surprised that not many men piped up, "Ahem. I really don't see what the problem is here." I suppose all of my wedding planning posts of late have scared the male readership away. Hehe.

15 | deb | April 12, 2005 09:24 AM

Actually Deb we tend to agree with you. Really showing off that much isn't a good look, no matter how great that ass is.

Adam

16 | Adam | April 13, 2005 08:02 PM

i love showing my butt crack and underwear at the same time.. alot of celeb's do that.. ex) britney spears, christina aguilera and more:D

17 | Anonymous | May 27, 2005 03:54 PM

as a male, I actually dont like it. yes, the female butt is attractive to me, but not just the plumbers crack part. it looks silly and reminds me of a fat mechanic or something. last week I saw 3 girls sitting next to each on the grass, each with their crack showing...it was not pretty...

18 | james | June 5, 2005 06:12 AM

Well here is my thing. With the way pants are, you get acustomed to how they feel and sometimes you dont realize that your buttcrack is showing. A couple of examples. I was sitting in a resturant with my friends having dinner. The chairs in the resturant are open back. A waitress approached me to tell me that my crack was sticking out. Later I realized it was over an inch of crack. But with the way shirts ride up and pants sag, it is almost imposible to cover it up. I guess I must learn to live with my crack showing because the low rise pants are really comfortable and they look great on me.

19 | Jessica | June 14, 2005 01:43 PM

I respectfully disagree. On lithe, young women in their teens or early twenties, with zero surplus body fat, butt cleavage is sexy. On everyone else -- well, as is often the case, less is more.

20 | xylocopa | July 28, 2005 08:39 AM

The low rise pants are getting way out of control. My professor was telling me the other day that one of her students, who she thought had a tattoo or something on her lower belly, was actually sporting her untamed undergrowth over her below-the-hip sweat pants!

This madness must stop!

21 | Cindy | August 13, 2005 07:34 AM

omg i love showing my butt crack. i show it like everyday. like when i go shopping i look on the bottom shelf and show my butt crack or thong or both at the same time. thats why i love going place then i just show it even more. last night i was at a bar with my boyfriend and i was making out with him and showing my butt crack. it was awesome. i loved it. well i gtg im going shopping. I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS!!

22 | chanel | April 15, 2006 02:28 PM

I would love to show my butt crack but I don't have the confidence to my ass is so great

23 | mikki | December 21, 2007 02:39 PM

my mate always wears miss sexy trousers to school the ones that are tight on your legs. with the belt on the front,these are definitely good if you want people to see your crack. when you sit you sometimes don't even know people can see it. I must add these have to be worn on the hip bones if you want people to see. you can even show your crack when you are standing.they are so so great they got my mate a boyfriend. so boys do like to see ass crack. :)

24 | mikki | December 24, 2007 01:15 PM

I love to show my butt crack. I am 5 6" and 109 ibs though...
I would say it looks bad on a " muffin top" figure girl,like all the girls that don't like the look......

25 | jesse | December 29, 2007 06:20 AM

i know! I was at an outdoor food stall the other day. I saw this really cute guy. I got my food and then sat in front of him and to the side a little. I was wearing low rise jeans and no thongs....
i totally had him eating out of my hands, pretty soon he went over to dump his garbage in the trash just to smile at me and of course it got his attention.... And I smiled back of course.
soon after he came over to talk to me and its been great ever since!!!;)
I didnt even have to open my mouth! Just open my butt for him;) lol,to hook him...
Plus i was even able to get all wet and was able to get off on showing him my butt...plus the other guys were not complaining either....he says he would have been too shy if his puerto rican cutie had not done that for him...lol

26 | jess | December 29, 2007 06:40 AM

hey its me again from above/
If any one wants to share more with me or just chat more about me showing off my butt crack or had any cool experiences like me!;) shoot me an email at jesseelopez@yahoo.com

27 | jess | December 30, 2007 12:39 AM

I love to show my butt crack at starbucks and sometimes I hear girls laughing at my plumbers butt my pants are always sliding of my butt one time a guy fame up to me and stuck a quarter down my butt and I loved it

28 | nick | January 1, 2008 10:55 PM

I love shoing my buttcrack, sometimes i wear very lowrise jeans thats too low when i sit down all my asscrack is showing.

29 | lola | March 23, 2008 11:43 AM

I love showing my butt too! I have jeans that do not even cover your whole ass properly so...I love showing that crack ! whether wearing thong or not! and the comments that I hear are various..ex) layghs or whispers saying:"her whole ass is out, but she has a nice ass" etc.

30 | didi | May 5, 2008 01:36 AM

I love to show my Butt crack also. All the guys love it, just the girls dont,who are jealous that they dont have enough of confidence to show there butt cracks.
Those are the ones that say something, wispering but still loud enough so you hear.... sooo funny. I couldnt care less though!
If you spend all your life pleasing other women that you dont know life is not worth living if you have to spend your whole life doing that.
Jen

31 | Jennie | May 5, 2008 06:41 PM

Jennie you are right! The girls are the ones whispering etc.. Boys are cool!! And with my previous bf, he loved showing crack too...we were similar at most points...Actually...that's the way he met me !

32 | DIDI | May 6, 2008 04:06 AM

I ALSO LOVE TO SHOW MY BUTT CRACK CRACK LIKE THE OTHER DAY WHEN I WENT TO THE EATERIE AND SAT DOWN TO TYPE ON MY LAPTOP MY JEANS SLID DOWN AND MY CRACK WAS SHOWING IT WAS GREAT.

33 | MICHELLE | May 21, 2008 04:31 AM

OMG I Show my ass crack all the time! Guys love it! I get quarters all the time for my ass crack completely out, I show my thong all the time, I buy short shirts that hardly even cover my belly button and I wear frankie B or ultra low rise jeans (Less than 5 inch rise! Brazillian) so whenever i stand, or sit my thong is always showing! I have a rhinestone studded thong too! Guys love it! My asscrack is always showing!

34 | Jessica | June 10, 2008 10:27 PM

I Love to show my ass crack too! I have my ass crack like always showing, my thong is always sticking out of my pants! My boyfriend sags his pants ultra low (He keeps em below his ass so his Joe Boxer yellow boxer shorts show dang is it hot on a guy!But either way, I love showing my ass off, I have skimpy tops too and I get the lowest jeans I can buy (Ebay- Zencraft Fashion has some low ones! 4.5 inch rise or so or Navel rose jeans! show your thong girls! guys love it!
Cheers

35 | Amber | June 12, 2008 04:48 PM

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