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I don’t read GQ.
Because I don’t read GQ, often I may miss opportunities. Opportunities to “wake up with Jessica Alba.” Opportunities to find the best spring fashions for Alex “from prep to punk victorian.” And also, opportunities to fall on the floor, paralyzed with shock, my blustery sensibilities more offended than I thought possible, over “The Forbidden Word.” Thank god for Mighty Girl. I can’t believe that before I read her post this weekend, I didn’t really believe that such views still existed in mainstream media. I didn’t know there were men out there still so obviously threatened by women, fearing that without flinging off-color language at the them that they are just “rolling over” and accepting inadequately-cleaned houses with toys astray as housewives have the horror to… take on careers.
I also don’t read Men’s Health, and because I don’t read Men’s Health, I’ve probably missed more than one chance to learn about which is really most important to women: the ability to diaper a baby, have broad shoulders, or maintain a good job. I’ve also missed opportunities to talk to Jimmy the Bartender about women, work, and “other stuff that screws up men’s lives.” Most importantly, I missed the opportunity to learn that what women really find sexy are prefabricated statements pulled from glossy magazines such as, “don’t you love the way the moonlight flickers across the ceiling?” or even better, “Nothing. Total, deliberate silence. You can stare at her, grab her, touch her, but don't make a sound. If she tries to talk, place a finger on her lips.” How could I forget how appealing I find it when a man puts his finger over my mouth to shush me -- because Men’s Health told him to.
Admittedly, I live in a bubble. I read what I fancy. I drop off when the writer bores me. I judge most magazines pretty harshly, and arrogantly avoid those that fall short of what I consider mind-expanding reading. So, I miss things. I miss subtle changes in language over a magazine’s course. I missed the memo that unapologetic misogyny is apparently all-the-rage in men’s publishing…
… Am I being too harsh? Is this one of those “mood swings” they warned you about? Could it be that I have (watch out!) PMS? … Well, obviously. Why else would I let these things bother me when I could be reading about “2 minute hair and makeup” and “the worst part about breaking up”-poll?
On these rare occasions when I choose to stick my head outside my pre-selected sphere of influence containing hand-picked writers from approved-of publications, I simultaneously want to dive back under it's protection, horrified, and also rant and rave from the rooftops.
… Just like all those crazy/scary women they warned you about.
comments (20)
OMG! That's enlightening. Ahhgg, what hacks! Remember a few years ago there was a movement to take back the word cunt. There's a book with the same name I think I read it.
1 | Undies | April 4, 2005 06:34 PM
I'm in hysterics. Though, I do have to admit they're right about one thing: the sexiest thing any can say to me, man or woman, actually is "I'll make the coffee."
HAHAHA.
2 | SuperSpecialk | April 4, 2005 06:40 PM
I, too, was shocked and awed at the GQ article, which my boyfriend's roomates subscribe to. Sickening. So glad to hear I'm not alone! (Personally, I save "cunt" for only the most appaling MALES, but what do I know?)
3 | Laura | April 4, 2005 08:48 PM
And these boys wonder why they spend so many nights alone reading....GQ!
4 | runningfaster | April 4, 2005 10:00 PM
The swing dance community in NYC has a message board that loves to be snarky about any and everything. They picked-up on the 30 hottest things and turned into into they're horribly warped 30 least hottest thing (although leaving it alone would have still made them the least hottest things I want to hear)
Anyway: reading pleasure: http://www.yehoodi.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=71249
5 | christina | April 5, 2005 12:01 AM
Just read this yesterday, it's a perfect complement to your entry.
An exerpt: "Being average does not bother them; average is fine, for men. This is why men never ask anybody how they look. Their primary form of beauty care is to shave themselves, which is essentially the same form of beauty care that they give to their lawns."
6 | sarah | April 5, 2005 10:13 AM
bitch!
7 | hubs | April 5, 2005 11:08 AM
Do GQ readers REALLY wake up with Jessica Alba!?
8 | SantaDad | April 5, 2005 11:26 AM
It's generally my policy to discount the opinion of any man who tells me that Maxim is the best magazine. I think similar policies can be applied to like articles in the magazines Deb cited.
9 | Eddie D. | April 5, 2005 11:39 AM
I'm not too sure what to say about that article. Its pretty appalling really. However, my original comment was just going to be
"*Shush*"
but I felt I'd get into a lot of trouble!
10 | michael | April 5, 2005 12:48 PM
I don't subscribe to GQ, mainly because it contains so many ads that its table of contents start on page 100. I also don't read Maxim, since it's comprised of the same frat-boy drivel every month.
But I wonder if the women who are horrified by men's magazines are the same ones who believe everything they read in Cosmo (e.g., "10 Ways to Make Him Beg for More!").
OK, I'll duck now... ;)
11 | Mike | April 5, 2005 04:40 PM
I believe I mocked them equally, non?
12 | deb | April 5, 2005 05:01 PM
>>But I wonder if the women who are horrified by men's magazines are the same ones who believe everything they read in Cosmo (e.g., "10 Ways to Make Him Beg for More!").
Au contraire, in my experience devoted Cosmo girls usually think Maxim is good readin' too, and worse, fancy themselves cool for liking it.
13 | devon | April 5, 2005 05:23 PM
Yes, you did, Deb, and I give you credit for that. But there are plenty of other women who aren't as even-handed as you.
14 | Mike | April 5, 2005 06:00 PM
Oh shut up already
15 | Maggie | April 5, 2005 06:11 PM
Hey, I watched "Sin City", and I've been ranting ever since. Just when you think things have changed since our motherss or grandmothers' time, you get slapped upside the head with complete ignorance.
16 | schmutzie | April 5, 2005 06:20 PM
My husband has the same reaction whenever he stumbles on my mother's vast collection of Cosmos and Cosmo wannabes. I personally think GQ is an excellent read, and Maxim is just damn huh-larious. Men's Journal is my current favorite subscription.
But then, I've always been a bit bent.
17 | Jennifer | April 6, 2005 02:46 PM
Okay, at first I skipped the Men's Health link but today I'm bored and read it, and saw this priceless gem:
"Do you feel this, too?" ("This" being an incredible emotional euphoria.)
EEEEEWWW! Oh god, I have actually known guys who say stuff like that and it is always a cue to RUN FOR THE HILLS.
18 | devon | April 6, 2005 03:32 PM
I read GQ and I didn't get to wake up with Jessica Alba... maybe Maxim will help me out...
19 | Jane Smith | April 11, 2005 01:43 PM
Just fyi, it appears someone has purloined this entry to pass it off as their own:
http://deliriouslyyours.blogdrive.com/archive/cm-04_cy-2005_m-04_d-08_y-2005_o-0.html
20 | mm | April 29, 2005 11:28 PM