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a bone to pick.
“Alex! Come in here! I’m shrinking!”
“No, you’re not, baby. I’m sure they’re just a little big, so they hang off more.”
“AN INCH AND A HALF IN ONE WEEK?”
“Heheh. You’re not shrinking.”
Let me explain: Saturday morning, we woke up early to go a cousin’s house for a baby naming. I took my black pants out of their dry-cleaning bag and when stepping into them, found that they were an inch and a half too long. This is odd, I thought. I just wore them last week and they fit perfectly.
I rolled them up one cuff’s length to protect the hems from the NYC street juice (not to mention my image from that of cruddy kids who tear up the back of their pants in the name of something hip which I don’t understand) but still, they dragged.
So, two nights ago, I bought a new pair of black pants, a whole size smaller (yay!) and the same length (ankle/petite) that have always worked for me. They currently reside at the tailor downstairs, being shorn an inch. This proves it:
I have shrunk.
Seriously, when Weight Watchers and I entered into – shall we say – a “contract” with on another, the wording went roughly like this: You stop shoveling food into your mouth at a stupefying pace and we will ensure that you lose inches. Maybe I missed something in the fine print, but I don’t remember it saying a goddamned thing about those inches coming off my length.
What I mean to say is: GIVE. IT. BACK. On a good day I measure in at 5’3” and am not in a position to sacrifice any of it. I take calcium pills; I do core-strengthening exercises; I wear heels. This is as good as it’s probably going to get for me. I’ll take more if you are feeling generous, but I’m willing to settle for the inch and a half I had just last week. Please, just give it back.
Diminutively yours,
deb
comments (12)
First of all, congrats on the weight loss! Though we've never met, I'm confident you were fabulous to begin with and are even more superfab now!
Re: the incredible shrinking woman...The weight loss changed your body shape, NO? Less hip, maybe pants will fit longer?
1 | tlc | May 4, 2005 11:01 AM
As a friend of mine says: if you have one table cloth and put it on a big table, it won't hang down as much as if you put it on a smaller table. It isn't your height that has decreased, it is your ahem... table size.
Unless you are just trying to brag, in which case you are totally shrinking ala Lily Tomlin.
do you run?
3 | muffy | May 4, 2005 01:13 PM
i was going to say the same thing of the shrinking birthing hips.
4 | freydo | May 4, 2005 01:33 PM
personal question - how much have you lost on ww and in how long of time? i've been doing it for 2 months - losing some pounds - but i have yet to shrink - maybe i should stop - i'm your height and girl , i hear ya , we can't afford to loose 1.5 inches!
5 | cindi | May 4, 2005 01:59 PM
We started WW in the beginning of August 2004. I lost 24.99 pounds but haven't lost an ounce in four months - I've plateau-ed. Endlessly. About four months into it, I lost ONE clothing size; it now appears that in my "plateau" period I have lost another. And some height. Which I want back.
As for the other inquiries, I don't run. Shrunken table/hips/etc I am sure are possible, but a smaller size accomodate these changes? And petite sizes are for heights 5'1"-5'4"; why at 5'3" are they too long?
I promise to shut up now. Didn't someone once say that the internet should just shut down when you have PMS?
6 | deb | May 4, 2005 02:40 PM
I have, regrettably, years of experience wavering between sizes. I'm 5'3 too, and I can confirm, when the scales are lighter, my trousers are longer. It definitely comes off my hips - so, the trousers sit lower. You're not shrinking! It's called weight loss. Love it while it lasts.
7 | Rachael | May 4, 2005 04:57 PM
I don't think you're shrinking at all. Alex is messing with your tape measure to test your long-term sanity levels before the big day.
8 | Robert | May 4, 2005 05:53 PM
I have the opposite problem. in my 20's I was a tiny 5'2" size 2 and totally took it for granted, except buying pants was a king-sized headache. I always had to hem them if I didn't want to trip. Now that I have gained 30 lbs and 4 sizes, I can buy pants off the rack. Yeah me...?
9 | Joie | May 4, 2005 10:34 PM
Drink the OTHER potion once you've stepped through the looking glass.
10 | michael | May 5, 2005 11:02 AM
How funny to hear you use the term "NYC Street Juice!" I lived in NYC for a long time and that was a constant conversational topic - especially the neon-green colored juice that remains weeks after the last rainstorm! Anyway - thanks for bringing up a funny memory.
11 | Sisyphus | May 5, 2005 01:43 PM
Being too tall isn't fun, either. I'm stuck hopelessly inbetween regular and long length pants. I'm also taller than my boyfriend.
12 | Alli | May 5, 2005 11:12 PM