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more practical than good intentions
I told my friend Dan this afternoon that while the wedding cartoon he sent me was funny, it would have been funnier if they shown the groom reaching for the bride's garter for the toss only to find a flask tucked under it (tips hat to SB). You know, the way it will happen at Alex and my wedding.
Just kidding, of course – I would never have a garter toss.
Alex thinks I’m joking. He doesn’t believe that I will stand before a rabbi and everyone we know, say prayers and sign legal documents with a vessel of Basil Hayden’s strapped to my thigh in a mother-of-pearl enameled flask. But, I figure that our wedding day is as good as any for him to come to understand the genius behind my madness.
Because while you’ll never know when you’re going to need that nip, there’s an awful good chance that it might be shortly after you’ve sworn the next hereafter to a guy whose aunt has you cornered in the ladies room, regaling you with stories of little Alex of Odessa who had a fondness for dolls. [Ed. note: Alex demands I tell you that this is not true.] Also, a guy who as well-intentioned, sweet, and loving as they come, is not so into picking up his socks, or putting away his shoes, which are so big they could host a tribal gathering, or cause serious injury if met with toes in a dark hallway. Not to mention a girl, as smitten as they get, but without the best track record for relationships, commitment, being loved by the families of significant others, and not being a baby when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Ah…
Like I said, should the evening go well enough that at some point in it, Alex should make contact with my garter (cough!) thigh (cough!) flask, I think we’re all going to be pretty happy I had the foresight to bring something a little more … practical than ten pounds of taffeta, beading, lace, and good intentions to the wedding.
comments (7)
Dolls, huh? Alex, I think we have to talk.
1 | SantaDad | June 3, 2005 09:49 AM
Rock on, soul sister. A thigh flask should be on every bride's list of must-haves for the big day.
My maid of honor trailed around after me with a bottle of champagne while we were waiting (hidden, cloistered) in the back hall, and that was good... but a flask would have had so much more style.
2 | georgia | June 3, 2005 10:07 AM
Much, much more important that anything borrowed, blue, old, or new.
3 | wendy | June 3, 2005 10:32 AM
No way! Alex is from Odessa? I'm from Odessa. And he's Jewish, so that means my grandma probably knows him, or at least one of his family members. So that means that there will be someone my grandma knows at my favorite blogger's wedding. Awesome! Maybe all those theories about 6 degrees of separation aren't so far off after all.
4 | Addy | June 4, 2005 02:07 PM
Let this be a word of warning: there is no way a mother of pearl flask is going to stay on your leg for more than two minutes, tops. I've gone through three flasks, and all were too heavy and kept slipping out of the garter, until I finally settled on this super-lightweight one from Urban Outfitters that only holds like 1 oz. but stays put.
Good luck!
5 | Sarah B. | June 5, 2005 04:42 PM
Oh dude, you crack me up! I never thought of smuggling alcohol into my wedding until now! I accidentally stumbled across your blog last year and have been reading bits and pieces ever since... Sorry does that freak you out? To have someone you don't know reading your blog? Well I guess not since you put it on the insta-net!
6 | Matt | June 7, 2005 09:01 AM
I was looking for something similiar to what you described and found a garter with a built in pocket that comes with a flask:
www.juliettewear.com
7 | Nicole | July 18, 2005 06:40 PM