One last birthday story…
(I mean, I don’t want you guys to think I am self-absorbed or anything!)
Saturday night, I knew Jocelyn’s arrival at the restaurant was imminent because I received three voicemails from her. Each was flagged as urgent – who taught her to do that? Anyway, the first message wasn't really a message, just her saying to someone else in the room: "I took a nap on the sofa and I woke up two hours later and her hair was black!" Sure enough, the newly dark-haired Jill arrived with a girl named Knuckles and box wrapped haphazardly in layers of duct tape and a re-appropriated Christmas photo card from her bosses family. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN DRUNK PEOPLE ARE LEFT UNATTENDED FOR TWO HOURS.
Jocelyn (motioning to the
Chirstmas Birthday Card): You see those four boys? THEY HAVE TRUST FUNDS. We each must marry one.
Deb: Alex, do you have a trust fund?
Alex: I think you should open your gift.
Deb: I'm not opening that gift. It's the trannie porn* and I don't want it.
Jocelyn: You have to open it!
Well, it wasn't. But, instead of being relieved, I was disappointed. I mean, they've tried to pawn it off on everyone else, why not me? It's my turn, damnit!
Well, I don't know why I underestimated Jocelyn. And Jill. And Knuckles. When I climbed into bed at 4:30 in the morning, it was under my pillow.
And yes, I’m plotting it’s next home as we speak.
* Huh? Trannie porn? What? Well, you see, Jocelyn has been trying to get rid of it for months now, ever since her cleaning lady found it. She has stuffed it in purses, wrapping it as a bachelorette party gift, left it in among friend’s DVD collections, and in her moment of crowning glory, it fell out of it’s gift bag during a wedding at a Catholic church. Each time, however, the DVD finds it’s way back to her apartment, and I can assure you, this time will be no different.
YOU HAVE TO PAY IT FORWARD! It Cannot come back to my apt.
Please don't send it back!!!
aha ah aha ah aha haaha--great story, I barely remember it. PS--It was Jennie who put the trannie porn under your pillow--I only told her to do it!!
under the pillow?
3 | nils | June 14, 2005 08:54 AM
Julie and I planted the trannie porn under the pillow. The pillow was my idea. Julie had the trannie porn in her purse and was very enthusiastic about you being its next owner.