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22 days to go: how to make a bridezilla
I found my first grey hair Thusday night; I plucked it and taped it into the binder of Important Wedding-Related Stuff. It seems the only appropriate place to house it.
I am tired of talking about the wedding. I’m exhausted from spending every evening and weekend doing something in preparation of it. But, it’s not the wedding I resent as much as the disproportion of it all. We should be spending this time planning the rest of our lives together and we’re spending it all on a five hour party. Three. Hundred. Minutes. Minutes that will go by so fast, I’ll never remember them.
And this is how you make a Bridezilla. First, you make well-intentioned promises to throw a small, intimate gathering, with minimal frills and no bells or whistles. Then, you realize that it’s just as much work to throw a small party as a big one, so you might as well have enough space to invite those cousins in Michigan who invited you to theirs. Your to-do list spirals into two and three columns, but, hey, its okay, you’ve got 75 days between now and then. What else would possibly want to spend them doing? You haven’t seen your friends in weeks. You sleep terribly. You wonder if you should buy the nail polish color you want for your manicure, in case the place runs out. The updo makes your peanut head look lost under the veil, and you start crying. Publicly. Not because this look will be archived in ten or twenty thousand pictures to be viewed and re-reviewed for all time, but because you can’t believe the entirety of your existence has been reduced to wishing that your PRETTY LITTLE HEAD was less LITTLE. Everyone thinks you are a complete brat for whining constantly about how hard it is when your parents throw you a huge party because they love you, and the thing is – you couldn’t agree more.
But, it doesn’t really fix the hair issue. Or the grey.
***
My goal this week was to try to channel some calm energy, but alas, it is Saturday, and I just don’t think its in the cards for us. But, I will tell you the story that was supposed to usher it in.
Two months ago, I took a cab home from the Penn Station, exhausted. When asked, I told the driver I was coming from New Jersey.
“You live there?”
“No, here.”
“What were you doing there?”
“Going to see a florist and pick up a dress. I’m getting married in three months.”
“You’re getting married? How wonderful! I wish you many blessings! This is a very special time for you!”
And I know, I know, what he said had all the depth of a Hallmark card, but he was so … enthusiastic, I found it contagious. I’ve thought about it no less than two hundred times since then, I’ve wanted so badly to see this summer through his eyes. I hope it’s not too late.
comments (4)
It's not too late! Yes, you'll spend the next 22 days being REALLY excited for the 23rd day - when it's over. And yes, you'll probably go out and buy that nail polish color, just in case. But you HAVE spent time planning the rest of your lives together - it's the reason you're getting married in the first place.
Take some time this week and get a manicure and a pedicure. Not only will it help ensure that your nails don't break between now and the 28th, it will also help to calm you down and usher in that sense of peace that you're looking for.
My only piece of advice for the big day was the best piece of advice I got in preparation for it: Live the Day. Live every single moment of your 300 minutes and you will be surprised at how happy you feel on August 29th.
1 | Lizzi | August 6, 2005 02:55 PM
I realize you must be under a huge amount of stress and that this blog is your journal in which you blow off steam. I realize that I am your guest in reading this journal. I realize that I can have no idea what you may be going through, not having been married yet.
But you may want to think for a moment about how lucky you are to be undergoing this stress. You are experiencing this because you had the good fortune to run into a man you love and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. I would give a lot to find that person for myself . . . I would even deal with peanut-head veil issues.
Lest the tone of my post be lost to the internet, please know I'm not writing this to be a bitch. I am writing it to remind you of how freakin' lucky you are and how little you will remember 30 years from now concerning whether the nail salon ran out of your favorite color or who showed up at your wedding but wasn't on your chosen invite list.
2 | Lisa | August 6, 2005 08:48 PM
Man alive. You know, weddings are such backassward affairs. Why can't it be more like planning a *real* party? Where you invite people first, find out how many people can come, and then plan a party for that many people?
It would be so much easier than trying to gauge who's coming and what might make it easier for them, and then plan everything (and lay out all this cash! And take on all the MAJOR MAJOR STRESS!) and only then, 5 weeks before the wedding, do you actually officially invite anyone.
Well. My friend Julie, who got married last weekend, emailed me the next day to tell me how different it is being married than holding a wedding... she says being married rocks. So my dear, good times are coming.
Until then, may I add my super-enthusiastic "Congratulations!!" to that taxi driver's once again.
3 | georgia | August 7, 2005 01:26 PM
I recently met a couple that was going crazy getting ready for their wedding. Since I already went through the experience, I starting giving advice about this and that, but then I realized that I was giving the same advice that everyone gave me before I was married -- and I didn't listen to at all. So, I think a marriage ceremony is something you go through as a ritual and it is an important marker for the rest of your life -- "mistakes" and all. Once you get married and you become more practical, the first thing you think about is -- why did I just go through all that when I could have just spent all that money on an elaborate honeymoon for ourselves? But a year or two later, you're glad you have the memories of all your friends and family there at your special event. It makes you feel legitimate. I don't know if you do or not do the hora at your wedding, but if you get lifted up on those chairs, make sure you don't hit your head on the lights. It puts a damper on the rest of the event.
Good luck and mazel tov.
4 | Neil | August 13, 2005 08:37 AM