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on the prowl: an abbreviated list of rules broken at my bachelorette party
- Never let anyone take a picture of you holding a drink.
- Do not say things to a room of ill-intentioned friends like, “should we put the tattoo right here?”
- Do not leave opportunities for people to post pictures of your rack on the Internet.
- Do not try to look coy. Coy is not your look. Others do coy with far more charm than you.
- The most photogenic person in the room at a bachelorette party will inevitably be the one who doesn’t sleep with men. Also, the one married to her gay best friend. Keep them from the camera.
- Remember the liver problem? You might want to lay off the tequila. Also, wine. Sake. More tequila. And several rounds of Pimms.
- Don’t say things on your site – like “I want a Jersey-style bachelorette party!” – without expecting people to follow your wishes to the letter.
- Don’t let the gay boys play with the Bun Pincher. Their spastic over-use of it will cause its breakage into a thousand pieces in less than fifteen minutes.
- If you friends make you waltz around Manhattan in a $3.50 veil (oh, I am so mortified, but I am sure that was the point) that looks alarmingly like your far more expensive one, do not try to exact revenge by posting pictures of them wearing it from your cell phone. It’ll never work.
- Don’t come home at 4:30 in the morning with seven dollars tucked under a garter that says “bad girl,” as it might lead your fiancé to roll over and say “only seven? I can’t even get us breakfast with that!”
comments (8)
Your funny! I LOVE your rack picture. It is so hot! Hmmppfff.
And don't give up on Jill & men. Lately it has been her drug of choice!
Cheers,
Joce
1 | jocelyn | August 14, 2005 02:14 PM
I agree. Without photos of strange women's racks, photos of cute kittens, and jokes about Bill Gates, this entire Internet thing would grind to a halt. It's necessary to keep technology moving forward.
2 | Neil | August 14, 2005 02:37 PM
Wow, you do have a big rack. Nice!
3 | Colleen | August 14, 2005 06:11 PM
Despite the don'ts, you look like you're having a blast! And thanks for sharing the pics with us...
4 | Esther | August 14, 2005 06:19 PM
Hey! To be fair, that 7 dollars could probably buy you guys breakfast... at Denny's... in Flint, Michigan or something... if you split the grand slam special or whatever.
Yeah, he's right. That's not enough for breakfast. Nevermind.
5 | Annie | August 14, 2005 06:43 PM
You don't know me, but I stumbled onto your site during a very boring day at work (aren't they all?) and haven't been able to stop reading since. You are fabulous. Congratulations!
6 | Nicole | August 14, 2005 09:43 PM
Sounds like you had a blast! I can't wait to check out the pics once I'm off my lame-ass Flckr-blocked work computer. Hmph.
7 | carrster | August 15, 2005 12:18 PM
Great, you show us the us the obligatory rack photo NOW THAT YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED! Doesn't stop us from looking though.
8 | Pete | August 17, 2005 12:30 AM