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brought to you by the letter P
At lunchtime today I embarked on the first of what seems like an endless number of steps, processes, paper trails, bureaucratic snarls, and inevitable headaches that will allow me to legally change my last name. Armed with (I kid you not) my drivers license, social security card, passport, lease, birth certificate replete with my 20-minutes-old footprint (if you can handle that much cute), and as many relevant filled-out applications as I could download from their Crafted by HTML for Dummies website — affectionately called my Name Change Kit — I considered myself prepared for any sort of detail that would inevitably be leveraged to deny me the ability to do this in one shot.
Manhattan License Express turned out to be a remarkably painless institution, and I was in and out in under an hour amid promises that my new license for the freakishly-humane price of $10 will arrive in four weeks. If only the internal process could be so serene.
Seeing as it has been 4½ months since the wedding, and I’ve made no bones about the layers of psychological/feminist hang-ups I have with changing my name, it should come as no surprise that I find this to be a heavy process. While I determined that my reasons for it outweighed the cons, I still did not feel the type of exuberance that would have caused me to skip down 34th Street hollering “Looks at me! I’m a Perelman now!” (Sadly, thinking back, I now fear I missed a near-perfect opportunity to make my Overheard debut.)
Still, it felt a whole lot better than I thought it would. I know it’s absurd to say this months after getting MARRIED, like FOR LIFE, but wow, I guess we’re really together now, huh?
… And with masterfully introspective statements like the one above, I suppose its time to go practice writing Mrs. Deb Perelman, over and over again call it a day.
comments (22)
You're preaching to the choir-- it took me 10 years to take my hubby's last name! And i'm in the heart of Dixie.
Even though it's "expected" by some, that doesn't make it easy.
Congrats, Mrs. Perelman!
1 | Anne Glamore | January 13, 2006 06:05 PM
I'm just proud of you for not going the hyphen route.
2 | Helen | January 13, 2006 06:30 PM
OMG I'm a Perlman!!! haha.
3 | Laura | January 13, 2006 07:01 PM
oh please. We've been calling you The Perelmans since way before the engagement.......
4 | jocelyn | January 13, 2006 08:30 PM
No, you've been calling us the PerelBergs, paying homage to both of our names. :)
5 | deb | January 13, 2006 08:35 PM
Hmm, I found the task much easier than I anticipated. I just had to bring a copy of the marriage certificate to the SS office, DMV, and all my banks and whatnot. Wasn't bad at all (it can't be different in NY & California, can it?).
Mazel Tov, Perelmans!
6 | PhC | January 13, 2006 09:22 PM
No matter what you name is, I love your writing. You'll always be The Smitten one to me.
7 | stereo | January 13, 2006 10:31 PM
Well done, Deb! And Happy Being-A-Perelman!
someday...I hope to be a Mrs. Tomlinson. I'm struggling to be a "Miss Brown" to the kids in the 2nd grade class I am observing (fixin' ta be a teacher!). Who the hell is this "Miss Brown" chick? You spent 30ish years just plain Teresa... It's baby steps...just baby steps. With my Brownies, it's Miss Teresa. Now we've moved into Miss Brown... *shudder* Scary stuff this formal name bit!
8 | Teresa | January 13, 2006 11:26 PM
I understand exactly what you're saying, I had the same hang up with changing my nme too. Unfortunately, my process took the better part of the day which gave me plenty of time to consider whether I was traitering out my feminist values, if I was being oppressed by the institution, etc. Thankfully my husband was there with me so that I didn't stop halfway through like I wanted to. I'm glad that someone else struggled with this like I did, because most people I talk to either didn't think about it, or were all for it.
9 | hyperboles | January 14, 2006 09:56 AM
2 months for me. (On the 12th)
No new license.
No SSN forms.
Fearful of changing my name because it's, like, weird.
You're my motivation.
10 | Abby | January 14, 2006 05:54 PM
Congrats!! I have yet to change my name (8 mo. since the wedding). It's a psychological thing! Hey, why can't he change HIS name to Franklin? Why do I have to change mine? My name is so much cooler than his....Lowney......! But I'll get around to it eventually.
11 | therapistchic | January 15, 2006 05:28 PM
I thought this was so cute. A guy from work got married to a woman who had two children. Instead of her and her two kids changing their names, he changed his.
How cute is that?
12 | Eva | January 16, 2006 03:42 PM
Ugh! Post again already. People are seriously taking their time these days and it's such a bummer to those of us waiting.
13 | ugh! | January 16, 2006 07:36 PM
Sorry ugh! Even bloggers get to go on ski weekends once in a while!
14 | deb | January 16, 2006 09:44 PM
I know, I know. I just like to read your stuff.
15 | ugh! | January 17, 2006 09:25 AM
I changed my name fairly quickly after the wedding, but you will find little accounts here and there that will pop up months later in which you have to bust out the wedding certificate and new SSN card again.
Enough already!
16 | whoorl | January 17, 2006 10:55 AM
There are so many little things! I'm still changing credit cards and Amazon wishlists and gym memberships.
17 | Liz | January 17, 2006 01:40 PM
I don't know if I ever want to change my last name to his. I am working on my PhD and I would like to pay homage to being the first doctor in MY family -- as a PETE. Maybe he will change his last name? Wishful thinking!!!
18 | Arielyn | January 17, 2006 05:11 PM
Just WAIT until you see how much fun it is, though, amore-phous.
19 | Abby | January 18, 2006 08:09 PM
I SWEAR when we first got engaged that he said he'd add my last name before his last name and I'd add his last name after my last name, and he'd never have to use my name, I'd just know it was there. However, 1.5 years after the wedding, he claims total amnesia about this agreement... and I can't bring myself to drop my old name officially. There are only women in my family with our last name! It's dying! He doesn't get it though... and after a year and a half of sometimes adding his last name to forms, sometimes not, the IRS is catching up with me....
20 | kalalily | January 19, 2006 03:37 PM
PS - recently discovered you, read archives over a very dead few weeks at work, love it!
21 | kalalily | January 19, 2006 03:38 PM
Hi, I surfed on in when searching the web to see if I am the only newlywed on the planet to regret changing to her husband's name. So far, it seems to be the case. I love my husband and I feel guilty about these regretful feelings. Actually, I went with the double last name without a hyphen, but I find that people completely ignore this and use only my husband's last name. That does not upset me as much as when I receive mail addressing me as Mrs. John Doe. I was quite shocked to receive mail this way from people under 50! I guess I feel my original name is a strong part of my identity...the familiarity of its sound and spelling, the way it goes nicely with my first name, the reflection of my ethnic heritage...so I guess a big part of it is vanity...especially since I'm not in touch with my father. Oh well, I guess I would have to go through a legal process and be quite the subject of workplace/family jokes to change it back!
22 | Formerly known as myself | February 14, 2006 08:36 PM