« previous | main | next »
no really, lick my floors
Do yourselves a favor, and if you’re even remotely as prone to neuroticism and over-attentive to detail as I am, stay the hell away from this book.
I wish I had. After browsing a single chapter Sunday morning while in a state of continued contemplation of leaving the warm covers/hoping sleep would come back to me, I went on the Cleaning Bender of All Benders. I removed the knobs from our stove and washed them. I Fantastik-ed the bathroom walls. The outside and inside of the kitchen trashcan got scrubbed. Windowsills were washed down. Lightbulbs were dusted. And any human being who enters our apartment should now feel no pause or concern when invited to eat off the floors – we’re a hospitable bunch here in Apartment 4F – and there has never been a surface so pristine.
I, on the other hand, became an utter disgrace, physically absorbing every bit of dirt I seemed to have removed from our habitat. My hair was matted, my sweats grew old and spotted, nails became haggard, and my teeth still pronounced reminders of the previous evening’s red wine. After a long shower in which I tried not to smudge or interact with any newly perfected surface, I went out to the living room only to have a near-breakdown: It was a pig-sty. Somehow, along my cleaning-around-the-faucets-with-a-toothbrush-and-bleach binge, I’d forgotten to put away jackets, books, placemats, and fold throws. “Stupid book! I hate you book! You did this to me!” I railed internally.
Recognizing the very fine thread from which my sanity now dangled, I went out to run some errands, and pick up ingredients for the evenings Harira (a recipe I cannot recommend enough), a period in which my husband did obvious things like vacuum and fold. The apartment looked splendid when I returned, my mental health was momentarily stabilized, and we had a wonderful dinner.
And then, he politely requested that I never read the book again.
comments (13)
If you like Harira - you may be interested to try this recipe too. I've made it several times and it's fantastic. This one includes lamb - may be interesting to compare!
http://www.cuisine.co.nz/index.cfm?pageId=28572
1 | Rachael | January 9, 2006 02:35 PM
Oh, that book is incredibly dangerous, even for someone who isn't a neat freak. When I read my one chapter of the book, it had me obsessing over the care of all of my wood floors. I don't think I've opened the book since then, and that's been more than 2 years. It's that dangerous!
However, it's wonderfully heavy for when you need to get a good smooth, solid bond when making your own coasters!
2 | biondetta | January 9, 2006 03:21 PM
HA HA HA!...too funny. Mabye you should try instead of going crazy cleaning everything in one day, divide it up and keep at it and that way you wont go lunatic if everything is not perfectly clean. At least you got your hubby helpin you out!
3 | Marlin | January 9, 2006 05:10 PM
Heh. I bought that book when we bought our house and transitioned out of apartment living last spring. I had a binge like you did, and then my husband promptly hired a housecleaner. They do a better job than I ever could, and my (our) sanity remains intact.
4 | Erin | January 9, 2006 05:17 PM
Books like that belong in the "Motivational" section of the bookstore. You can't help but get your butt (and mop) in gear.
5 | Jenn | January 9, 2006 06:11 PM
We married and moved into our house 11/12/05. We're slowly remodeling every room. Very slowly. Thus, I've lost the cleaning bug. It's the last thing I want to do after paint, scrape, sand, paint, etc.
You can pass the book along to me! I need some motivation.
6 | Abby | January 9, 2006 07:48 PM
When Herself brought that book home and overnight became a germ nazi, I gave her the option of burning the book or moving out. That book's not about clean; it's about paranoia.
7 | Robert | January 9, 2006 08:49 PM
You have much in common with my boyfriend so I feel compelled to offer you this little piece of advice: NEVER buy a white rug (or "the albatross around my neck", as he refers to it). You will yelp any time a piece of dark-coloured fluff appears on its surface, you will ban people (even your most beloved) from walking on it, you will spend countless dollars cleaning and scotchguarding it, you will compulsively obssess over it, you will never have a moment's rest and your beloved will laugh at the absurdity of it all. Then leave a post telling the world about it.
8 | chelsea | January 9, 2006 11:27 PM
My husband is the neat freak in our relationship -- he has been known to follow me around the kitchen with a sponge. Seriously. So, because he is a little obsessive about the laundry (let's just say he has a system), I gave him "Laundry" by the same author for Christmas, as a sort of funny (i thought) blending of his two favorite things: reference AND cleaning.
It was a mistake. We are so very clean, and I am going so very crazy. Perhaps the book will accidently get thrown into the wash next time.
9 | Nancy | January 10, 2006 10:12 AM
Delurking for this...
Question, do you use canned or dried chickpeas when you make the harira? It looks great and I'm excited to try it!
10 | Eliza | January 10, 2006 11:09 AM
Oh! Thanks for reminding me!
Harira Adjustments: I used canned chickpeas (2 15oz ones) with their liquid; I used both a 28-oz and 15-oz can of whole peeled tomatoes with their liquid (used the immersion blender and just did it in the soup pot to use fewer dishes), and maybe half a cup of extra stock and noodles to compensate for the extra volume. It's a soup, you know, you don't have to follow it too closely.
The biggest change was the spices: from the comments, I saw it was way underspiced and added 2 tsp. cumin (favorite spice ever), extra turmeric, ground corriander, salt, and red pepper flakes.
The soup is thick on the first day, and damned near stew-like the second and third. In other words: Awesome.
11 | deb | January 10, 2006 11:30 AM
Hey Deb? Will you read that book again and come clean my house? Please? I'll learn to make creme brulee for you and everything!!
12 | Teresa | January 11, 2006 01:01 AM
I have that book. And everytime I open it, I go on a cleaning frenzy and do things that I would not normally do. Like vacuum the ceiling to remove dirt I can't see. Or clean the pipes under the sink. It SHOULD be listed in the motivational section. It is also not a book for one with a full time job, as cleaning like this woman does would take up every spare moment I had. It brings "neat freak" to a whole other plane of existence.
13 | Jamie | February 23, 2006 04:01 PM