That kind of thinking leads straight to parenthood. :-)

P.S. "Wordorrhea". Nice.

It's that kind of thinking that leads straight to parenthood. :-)

P.S. "Wordorrhea". Nice.

I want you to try that "they're the only teeth you're going to get... good dental care is a privilege" speech on your toddler when you're fighting to get him/her to brush his/her teeth versus just eating the toothpaste.

But, seriously, the truth is, you DO lose your lifestyle (unless you can afford and want other people being with your kid more than you are), but it's amazing how much you don't care. That said, I vote for time for the two of you and for each of you individually before you bring a little Perelman into the world.

hah now I feel like a nit-pick because I called you on the months thing :P

I would like to second Eileen's second bit about waiting... not that I have kids or anything, but just try not to feel rushed... it's that damn society thing again, always pushing people. It's awesome that you have the "mom" gene but there's a long time til it expires!

When the time is right for YOU is when you should do it. Everyone can just keep asking until then. You could try the 'bursting into tears and raging about infertility' once or twice and they will stop asking.

I'm sure most people reading this think they know what my opinion is ...

Fact is, I affirm Eileen, Kate and PhC. Now, I'll hide somewhere so your mother can't swat me with the frying pan!

I agree with the majority, wait till you know you're ready. The various family memebers may really want them, but you'll be the one worrying about the midnight fevers, choosing the right school, affording braces and keeping the grades up. You'll know when you're ready though because even with all that worrying you'll know you get to see the first steps, the first day of school, the first prom date and so much more!

My daughter is 21 months--I had her when I was 31. Everyone told me 'I would know when I was ready' when it came to starting a family.

I never got the 'feeling' but knew I wanted a child at some point. I wasn't getting any younger, but I also wasn't brave enough to actually admit that I wanted to get pregnant, so I decided I'd stop taking birth control and 'just see what happens'. The next month I was pregnant. Gulp!

Things have worked out fine. I've decided to be a SAHM. I'm master's degreed and had a great career. [I did work until my last month, which was smart because I went NUTS with 'baby things' purchasing.]

The biggest difference is the lack of extra money. We're not hurting, but we don't have the money for vacations, expensive dinners, etc. that my job afforded us.

Yes, you do kind of lose your identity when you stay home, and yes you do become a bit of a June Cleaver, but it's oddly ok. Believe me--I NEVER thought I'd say that. I do miss my old lifestyle, but 'momming' is great!

And I should mention that you'll be a great 'Mommy Blogger'!

Hmm.. Interesting... Here is my 2cents worth..

Im going to be gulp40omgdidijustsaythatoutloud.

I dont have children.. kinda wish i did, kinda glad i didnt..probably still can.. It's like, the older im getting, the more selfish i feel and the less i want them..UNTIL the trick-or-treaters come and the SantaDad's do their thing in local malls.. then the pang for kids is deep..I cant imagine being able to love as much as mine have (still do) loved me.. oh the shit i put them thru.

I guess i just dont get what it is about having kids.. my life is pretty damn good right now.

Deb, when you figure it out, let me know.

I'm going through the same thing right now. We;ve been married a little over a year and I'm 31, he's 36. Some people tell us we have time, most people of older generations look at me like I'm insane when I say I'm still young. When did 31 become too old and why didn't I hear about it?

This is a little secret everyone kept from you. You thought getting married was going to finally get your relatives off your back. The truth is, they give you a three month resting period before they are back bugging you again about children.

My husband and I thought we had all the time in the world. We would wait until we were ready to have kids. Didn't want to rush into things. It then took us 5 years to actually get pregnant. Don't take fertility for granted. The longer you wait the harder it is. Trust me on this one.

If I may ask Finallypregnant...at what age did you decide to start trying? My husband and I would like to wait awhile longer (we've been married 2 years) but I've heard fertility starts to decrease as earlier as 28!!! I'm worried about waiting too long, and then having trouble getting pregnant and we want a large family (3-4 kids).

hi smit.. been catchin up with your blog for about 1 1/2 weeks,it has been a blessed respite at work....my g/f is from NY and we are moving there when my daughter graduates H. S. so your insight makes me feel in touch with the city. Best input i can give is...its not about u, or Alex, or your parents. Its about the HUMAN, not baby, you choose to give life. As I tell my daughter, the "baby/child" portion of existance is the smallest pecentage of our timeline. Parenting is a capture/release program. I lost my parents young, and the best thing that experience taught me is: parents are not indispensible. Life goes on, the best thing parents can do is give all the love they can, and try to prepare the kid for life itself; not idealism, or perfection, but to honor life by experiencing it...which u do v.v well :)Don't dwell, it'll just flow when its ready. J

You go girl...and don't let anyone pressure you into having a baby when you are not ready. But I have to say don't wait too long. I mean do you want to deal with a rebelious teenager when you are 50? My parents had their last child very late (my mom is 40- dad 48- sister 10). They are tired! So don't wait too long..for your own sake and your child.

Strange things have been known to happen at the bay...

Lara, we started trying when I was 32. It didn't seem like we were that old. I am not trying to be a downer, but don't take fertility for granted. The older you get, the harder it is to get pregnant.

hey smitten...i'm not sure if the blog description is supposed to read "happily ever after, thus far" or "happily ever, thus far" the second one being the puzzling title...hehe, you'll be waddling around before you know it. just wait till you get to the stage where you have to have your husband put your socks on for you...keep blogging!
melanie

I've loved having this discussion with many of my friends who are at the do-I-or-don't-I stage and also talking with my mum friends, who have already made a decision. I've loved being reminded that there is no right or wrong choice, it is so freeing. My boyfriend and I have only just decided to wait a few more years and the decision is sitting comfortably.

I was quite happily going to wait a year or two before trying - I'm young, but my husband isn't. We're married 6 months now. Then a few months back I contracted Baby Fever. It was very scary. I decided to go off the pill... I thought I was crazy, but I did it. now three months later I'm peeing on sticks wondering WHY ISN'T IT POSITIVE YET?! and getting annoyed with other people get pregnant.

Life is strange.

Deb,
You are ready when you're ready. My parents were ready the second they were married (possibly before) --human body stuff prevented pregnancy for 16 years of marriage until a GREAT guy they met in a bar fixed things and 9 months later--ME! (Some good people are found in bars!)

I'm going through the "when are you getting married" inquisition. I swear it comes in cycles...no one asks for a few weeks and then one day EVERYONE asks, and they ALL want explanations of why the hell not. I suppose it's the same for kidlet-planning. Me, I'm all for getting hitched like, well right this second is good tho I'd need to change out of jammies into clothes; but kids? I'd rather buy shoes and books at the moment :) I want one pair of Manolo Blahniks and one pair of Jimmy Choo first before I breed. However, I do want to teach little kids (in school to be a teacher) and so I've taken a step towards kidlet-wanting. :P

omg. i am in exactly the same space as you on this.

Don't stress too much. My mom swears up and down that if you take at least two years to be a Couple first, you'll be better parents. Supposedly you need those two years (or more) of couple time, before you'll feel comfortable devoting the rest of your life to creating a Family together.

I should clarify that out Having Children plan hasn't changed, I just find it more appealing. At least two years, probably three. Swear.

Oh, and smacky, Alex isn't coming to the Bay afterall, so if I come back pregs, good GOD I have some explaining to do. :)

Accidents happen! :)

Ive had that very same scolding with my boyfriend (of 9 years) about going to the dentist, and it related to Children. Being a nagging mother, as well as him being a responsible dad, that shows by example. Im not sure how dentistry gets related to parenthood, but its is interesting story similarity. :) Stay scared. If your not remotely scared - your clouded. But embrace the reproductive voice within. :) Cheers!

Finally some justice! http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/lifelong_depression_the_price_of_parenthood_9971.html

wow...that article gave me the hibbie chibbies!!!

Your writing is just fantastic; honest, funny, but also compelling and kind. You are the best blogger by far! I am not at the same place in my life as you are, and yet I love reading your blog!

I'm 32 yrs old and I'm 100% positive that I don't want kids. I like my freedom.

I've been happily married 7 years and don't have any kids...yet. There were times I've hounded my poor husband for kids, but I am soo glad we've waited. Having time to grow together is so important and has been so much fun.
I don't think you ever really get "a warm fuzzy" when its time. You just have to make the decision and know that its a big time commitment that comes with sacrifices.
Coming from a family of 8, I've learned that its not a matter of quantity, but a matter of quality.

I really dont know if I want kids yet. And I have gotten to the point to where I really dont know if I ever want to. But the significant other has a serious case of baby fever. Ive decided that if I, above all, am not comfortable with it, then I would "just give it more time". I will eventually come around. But not now. Not at a time in my life where "all that is mine belongs to me". That may sound selfish and I may grow out of it. But not today. I agree with Nina, freedom cannot be outdone. Not Today.

Thank you, desiree. I also have to mention that I'm really not the motherly type to begin with. I love to travel and I can't wait to go on my next trip.

In addition, I'm also going for my masters degree in library science. I have plenty of nieces and nephews. So its not like I'm not around children.

One reason I'm glad I don't have a significant other: it's harder for the fam to bug me about marriage or babies when neither is impending..heheh. I'm 26 years old, and while I think I would like to find someone I can put up with (or who can put up with me) enough to marry (^_^), I've never seen myself as the breeding type. My parents had been married for 7 years and had both my brother and me by the time they were my age, and I know that if I ever get married, my mom will bug me about grandbabies. But people can bug me all they want, that doesn't mean they're gonna get what they're bugging me for. I'm the one who has to have them. And frankly, I like my life just the way it is, thanks.

I was married at 24, so I had the luxury of time. I waited 9 years to have a baby. When I got pregnant I panicked. I thought I was ready, but I really wasn't. But after my baby was born, nothing else mattered and life was good. Now I'm 38, and I wish I could have another one, but early menopause took care of that dream last year. I say it is okay to wait (glad I did), but don't wait toooooo long (if you think you definetely want to have a child).

Im 25, and I think Im ready to have kids. But, other people arent ready for me to have kids. You definitely do get the warm fuzzy. You just know. I guess it only happens to people who are very intuitive. I think 25 is a good age to have kids, the only thing I have to do is. Have the TALK with the bf.

Although it is difficult to please everyone, I believe in doing what is right for you at whatever time you feel it. Regret may creep in later but sometimes you have to go with intuition. Some people know they are ready for children at 25 and if that's what you are feeling YOU would know best. I am 32 and just recently found out I am pregnant, not so sure I am ready although I am taking it in stride. Before now friends and relatives always asked the baby question and I told them flat out no kids, that's what I was feeling at the time. Now things are different and I am looking forward to raising a child and that's what I am feeling right now.

Deb,
Love your writing, but am I the only one wondering if you suddenly got a little older? You said "I realize that with us both in our thirties". Are you one of those third anniversary of your 29th birthday people? ;) Just wondering...

K, new topic..

THANKS!

(i do that with my Mom & Dad when im tired of the baby topic)

Thanks for posting! I love your blog!

I'm 25 and have been married for 1 1/2 years. My husband and I both feel ready for children, but have been advised by pretty much everybody who is older and wiser to give it at least 5 years. I doubt we will wait that long because we both want a big family (3 to 4 children) but we feel like we need time together as a couple first. I will say it is really discouraging though because I feel like our parents, friends, etc. would look down on us if we did decide to start a family right now. I think there is more pressure now to wait until you are in your 30's to start a family and I find that discouraging. People are more concerned about having more money to have the bigger house, better car, etc. that we wait to have children...and then are able to "spoil" those children with material things. We think we are better off than our grandparents were, yet look at the problems that exists in our schools, society, etc. Look at the kind of children we are waiting later in life to raise.

I was never one of those people who wanted to have kids. I like kids well enough, but I just never felt the urge to have one of my own.

The first time I played the Age Game was not that long ago. I was talking with my SO about the future and what we each wanted, and he mentioned kids. Well, I'm 35 years old... So I told him it might be something to think about soon! If we do want to have kids, I would personally like it to be before I am 40!

I had my first child at 25; then my fourth at 39. At the age of 39, I decided to start a new career in aviation. Within 8 years, I went from learning how to fly to becoming an ailine pilot. My point is this: don't overthink the whole baby thing. Your life doesn't stop. Sometimes you'll be a full-time Mom, other times a part-time worker, and other times still, you may want to work full-time. The kids will adjust and thrive, and most of all, respect your drive and motivation.

Don't rush into anything...never have a baby because someone else is ready for you to, only do it when both you and your husband is ready for the task...it's hard leaving them in the care of others, especially if you work...just be careful with who you trust...check them out thoroughly...i'm afraid giving up your lifestyle is one of the sacrifices of parenthood

to have a child is the most beautiful experience that a couple can go threw together. if you and your husband are not ready to be parents it's ok. when you and your husband are ready it will happen. dont worry about what people think. you and your husband will know when its time.

hey, i just ran across your blog, and i really like your writing style.

about the whole kids thing... i just want to say, i'm 25, i have 4 boys ages 7, 4, 3, and 1, and i've been married 5 years. we are on the brink of divorce. don't want to be the "voice of doom" but i really think that most of my marital troubles come from the fact that we barely knew eachother before i got PG. i think that if we had been more careful and taken time to know eachother better, things would have worked out.

i guess what i'm saying is... if you are ready, go for it, but if you are still hesitating, then wait another 6 months or a year. it can put a strain on your relationship if you are not agreed on it, too. be sure you are ready for this! motherhood is a long, strange trip!

Hello. I feel for the writer on this one. I just celebrated my 1st year of marriage. My husband and I are on the same page with pregnancy and waiting. So I agree with you. I do get that baby feeling every once in a while, but then I think what I would have to give up. My husband and I live away from family and we wouldn't be able to go away for a weekend without finding a babysitter. I am just not ready to give that up. Everything will happen in good time. If your friends and family won't get off your back just sit them down and tell them that you are just not ready and to leave the subject alone.

This is probably the scariest thing to think about. I am 27 and married 1.5 yrs, and I have PCOS and endometriosis. I don't know if I'm ready to have a baby yet, but my doctor specifically said "Your time is running out." I'm unlikely to be terribly fertile as it is, what if I wait two more years? What if I really want to and can't? Anybody facing this dilemma knows that the "better not at all than too soon" argument is one people only make when they have no clue how scary infertility is for those of us who genuinely want a family. My humble suggestion: decide to wait at least until your first wedding anniversary and then talk to your gyno about how scared you should or shouldn't be. S/he knows your history and can give you a reasonable idea of what the pros and cons are of a particular starting date. Just remember that you can re-enter the work world at 40 easier than you can have kids at 40.

it's horrible to wait to have kids

have them as young as possible, it's selfish and your kids will resent having old parents and/or Down syndome