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how the other half sweats
I had a couple friends over for dinner and Sopranos last night; Dan came over properly armed with a bottle of wine, but Julie, Julie brought me a week-long guest pass to the Reebok Gym, and demanded I meet her there tonight for something called a "class."
Apparently one night not long ago, probably as a result of some of the aforementioned wine, I waxed poetic about my desire to just once in my life work out at this place that was, at least when it opened a few years ago, the most expensive gym in the city. I mean, what does $188 per month with a $1200 initiation fee look like? Is it weak that I was so curious? Are the saunas lined with imported wood? Do they steam Evian to open your pores? Does someone follow you around mopping the sweat off your brow with an Egyptian cotton towel? Or, are you actually paying for someone to do the workout for you, because believe me, that would be the kind of gym I’d never make up excuses to avoid.
I’m sad to say it is almost all none of those things except the price. Don’t get me wrong: it has six floors, a foyer, and thick towels in endless supply. The café sells grilled salmon, the showers are huge, and the hairdryers in the locker rooms are more expensive than mine at home. But the steam rooms? Still smell like chlorine. The bottles of water? An arrogant $3. And not only did they not attend the Pilates class for me, they removed not a single one of those professional gymbos from my line of view.
[This would be the point when I am supposed to tell you that although I’ve never done Pilates in my whole life, I joined an advanced Pilates class in a gym already packed to its gilded gills with Type As. That, while I’ve done a lot of crunches in my life, I’ve never done 25 straight minutes of horrible, inhuman things like lying on my back and proceeding to lift my legs straight up, touching my feet down behind my head, and back to the starting position in a measured and controlled manner. Repeatedly. And that I feel strongly that you will benefit from viewing a diagram. So yes, while this would be the time that I should share with you all of these stipulations, I really don’t want to because then I might not get as much sympathy. And my abs are going to need all the sympathy they can get tomorrow.]
So, to sum this all up because, well, I hear I’m supposed to try that once in a while, I’m not sure that the other half sweat any differently from me, and by presumption you, but they do get to do it in nicer attire. Also, into better towels, onto flawless wood floors, within marbled-walled bathrooms, and they kinda seem to be skinnier and in more sculpted shape than I am. But, that’s okay, you know, because this homeless man once hollered at me than I had “hips like a black woman” and I wonder how many of them would have been flattered to hear that. Or shook them all the way home to her walk-up apartment.
comments (14)
Actually, I find that if I have to leave my apartment to work out, I'll find all sorts of reasons not to. So I made Billy Blanks my best friend and lost 53 lbs. And I'd be totally flattered to hear the "hips like a black woman" too.
1 | stimulant | April 18, 2006 10:14 AM
Shake it like a polaroid girl!
2 | Wicked H | April 18, 2006 10:26 AM
Sorry you decided not to go...did you get my email??
3 | Hilary | April 18, 2006 11:39 AM
um, I bought a $14.99 yoga video and work out in my bedroom. In Brooklyn.
4 | sally | April 18, 2006 12:40 PM
I'm really impressed by people who can get themselves motivated with videos. I'm too lazy - I actually have to get to the gym, and once I'm there, I'll do a lot of stuff. I've heard GREAT stuff about that Billy Blanks one. I think he'd make me cry.
5 | deb | April 18, 2006 12:54 PM
Deb,
If u want to feel taller, longer, thinner, and more flexible, not to mention an upper hand in Yoga, keep going with Pilates.You needn't rock the pretention, there are probably a million little dance studios in NY that hold pilates sessions. Enjoy :)
6 | Jezzie | April 18, 2006 02:05 PM
Sheba steps on me when I try to watch my yoga videos at home. She thinks I'm trying to play. It hurts.
7 | NotoriousANG | April 18, 2006 02:58 PM
It's amazing how much harder I actually work in the ghetto little workout room in my apartment complex than when I used to pay for a gym membership. Even though the machines are dinosaurs and the carpet is torn in places, at least I don't feel like I'm on the treadmill as entertainment for the people around me!
P.S. I have to say how much I love your writing. I only hope mine is half as amusing and insightful.
8 | SJ | April 18, 2006 03:10 PM
Fancy gyms have nothing on a girl with confidence in her hips.
The rich sweat like the poor, but when they don't get the results they like, they go under the knife. I like my YMCA roots, thank you very much!
9 | Kelli | April 18, 2006 04:11 PM
Deb, by a great mirror that makes you look skinnier...that's what I did. Also, take that compliment to heart, I love it that I have hips, my mom gave them to me and she is the greatest woman in my life and I thank her for everything she has given me (except the thighs - but I still love her!)
10 | Jen | April 18, 2006 07:07 PM
Nice towels and trendy bodies are one way to rate a club. I decide if one is right for me by what channel the TVs in front of the treadmills are tuned to. Soaps? FoxNews? CNN? Susie Orman? Home Shopping? Business? That describes the sweaters more than anything. Did the rich club have TVs? I would have loved a visit to get the feel of the place...and your post did that.. Thanks for saving me the trip and expense. Smiles.
11 | Sue | April 19, 2006 10:03 AM
Blogging is not considered an aerobic exercise?
12 | Neil | April 19, 2006 01:25 PM
Sounds to me like your life is already on the right track. Taking long walks with the hubs and putting $2250 a year to better use in the form of miniholidays in Paris, just because. :)
13 | Rochelle | April 20, 2006 12:13 PM
Oh My! Deb, quick write something!
I stumbled on to your blog about a month ago while googling something I've already forgotten about and found you! I was so intrigued, I went to the start of your archives and read to this one. (I have to to something to keep me amused at work) I'm going to go into withdrawl!
I just wanted to let you know I've really enjoyed your writing.
14 | Carrie | April 21, 2006 10:27 AM