So sorry that men continue to think it's okay to say such things. I haven't had to worry about the rack comment and usually only get European men making comments "caio bella", "you are so beautiful"...but none that walk with me...

The only man I want commenting on my anatomy is my fiance! (as I'm sure you only want yours to do too!)

If it makes you feel any better I was groped twice by a guy on the subway this week. I can deal with comments - some days I need them. However, my policy is look, don't touch.

He was a pro, very casual about it so that I didn't realize he had done anything until the second time. I look forward to the day I will only be taking cabs.

The thing that I always feel the need to clarify when bringing up catcalls is that yes, it might seem like a compliment but it is not one. The want you to make that "oh my god I'm uncomfortable" face. That "hm, this street is awfully empty, am I safe here?" face. There's no other explanation for being so loud and creepy.

Compliments, I can take.

First, have to say I love following your blog. You never fail to make me laugh! Second, aren't some men WEIRD! I don't understand why they feel the need to express their fondness of our "assets". I mean do they really expect us to swoon? PLEEEEEASE!! Now, you wouldn't see a woman hanging out a window screamin at some man "You got a nice a** there baby, yeah, bring that over here".

Yeah, it's a lame-ass power trip, not a well-meaning "gosh! so pretty!" I used to give the stare down in response to that shit, but now just ignore. It pisses me off though, because I have to consciously put effort into looking straight ahead, not speeding up my walk, not changing my expression, not giving into my urge to ask what, exactly, is your problem, assjack?

Silent admiration, fellas.

Ugh, it's totally a powertrip thing. It's someone feeling insecure believing he's got some sort of power because he changed your attitude, direction of walking, facial expression, whatever. Like a little kid poking ants with a stick. At least most of them settle for something less than blowing up other countries...

Sorry you've had a bad week of it, Deb. Spring fever brings it out or something :)

I live in Vancouver and we seem to get all the weirdos from across Canada out here - and I attract them all.
Last summer one guy (who okay, had a mental disorder) spat in my face b/c I smiled instead of saying good morning to him. I started crying.
And then last week I was on the bus and a very smelly and drunken man sat down next to me, trapping me in my seat against the window. He told me that he wanted to see my smile every day for the rest of his life. Great, I thought. I waited for a couple of seconds and then told him that I needed to get off at the next stop. He was asleep. Now what the hello do I do? So I tried to wake him up. He woke up and said "hey beautiful.." then he peed his pants.
SIGH

You have every right to feel as you do. I completely understand since I am a white girl with a black woman's booty. I've been commented on, hollered at, groped and asked to go to "Red Lobster" for dinner - which is the highest compliment of all.

I must admit that in my younger days- not that I am that old now but you know...- I quite liked the attention from a few cat calls, whistles and such other displays. Now that I am getting older (?!) and married, I cannot stand it! Although I must say it is funny as I can see how much I have aged by those giving me this 'desirable' attention. Ten years ago it was boys with low slung jeans and funky hair, now it is just dirty old men...maybe that has some of the reason I dont like this kind of attention anymore??

It's sad that there's nothing a girl can do about any of this (the sketchy boys with roving, ass-grabbing hands or the catcalling morons in pick-up trucks) without being perceived as a bitch. I mean, you can move their hands or ignore their "compliments," but it doesn't stop them from trying again.

Be happy - I have a 70-ish Italian midget stalking me (I'm 27) he lives 2 blocks from my apt and at least once a week I get to experience the pleasure of his already bulging eyes falling out of his head if I walk within 10 feet of him. My secret weapon? picking my nose any time a creepy guy approaches - horrifying - but oh so much fun to gross out the disgusting men.

hehe, one of my mates was studying barefoot on a sunny day in Hyde Park, and Random Creepy Man came up on all fours and asked her if he could kiss her feet!

Something about someone commenting on your toes is just creepy. I have a creepy neighbor who once walked by my patio, said hi as he always does, then doubled back just to tell me that my toes look nice, and he wondered if they tasted as good as they looked? Ew, ew, and ew. I just smiled bravely and said, "I don't know!" and went back to my book.

And quit smoking and reading outside the very next day.

Why should anyone care if they are "perceived" as a bitch? Ladylike behavior is null and void when confronted by a letch. How about "you kiss your mother with that mouth?" or "the sneer and spit on the ground" or holding up a can of pepper spray where they can see it, in other words, asserting your civil right to be free from threating words or actions as you move along in your daily life. Anything you feel capable of doing.You do not have to internalize this type of behavior anymore than you would internalize a panhandler approaching you. It's not your fault that these men cannot act appropriately, the only womans fault that might be is their mothers'! I get all in an uproar when girls knuckle under to this type of harrassment, and by knuckle under I mean take it personally or change how they are to avoid it. Please don't fall prey to societies idea that niceness is rewarded. What it does is validate the harrassers behavior and they feel justified in doing it to the next woman. Think about it :)

Yeah, strangers who comment on toes are weird...i wouldn't know what to do about that either. But that is still not as bizarre as a stranger asking someone have they ever had a pankcake syrup massage! (no, i am not making that up- that actually happened!)

No wedding toast ever started by, "Sam met Diane after complimenting her on her toes when seeing her walk across Madison Square Garden."

Coincidentally, I've been feeling the same way recently and happened to post on exactly the same topic on my blog the other day. It's not an excuse, but it seems to get worse during spring when women start wearing skirts, etc. After having discussed the same topic, I enjoyed reading your take on it as well as the other comments.

Bravo jezzie!!!!

I believe the only time I've ever uttered the words "nice rack" in public was when I commeneted upon the antlers of a deer we'd seen along the side of the road. Otherwise, I tend to keep stuff like that on the inside. No point in being rude or obnoxious.

aaargh. this pisses me off to no end. what an idiot!

why would he dare try and compliment your toes when you have a rack like that! what a dumbass.

oh yeah, have a great long weekend deb. i took a little break from here when you switched over but my trip to nyc has me checking it out again.

I'm sorry. Hearing these types of things never fails to piss me off. I've been thinking about this recently, too, because of the way some of my male friends (or should I say, very few of them - most of my male friends are very respectful and even call themselves feminists... not that this has to do with feminism as it does a respect for people in general [which, I guess it was feminism really is - anyway...]) sometimes regard women. It's sad how we can't really control these comments at all - it doesn't matter what you wear, or how you act - it just seems to HAPPEN because of outside influences that suggest it's OK.

I just try to ignore it.

I met the toe guy too! It has to be the same guy. I was in Astoria Park laying down barefoot on a blanket when this guy shows up and starts telling me I have the prettiest toes. Then, get this! He kneels down on my blanket and grabs my foot - I was so in shock I didn't react until he started bringing the foot up to his mouth, which, to my horror and dismay, coudl only mean one thing - he was about to start sucking on my cute toes.

Creepy toe guy roaming City Parks alert!

It was obviously a long winter, because the men of Manhattan look like they haven't seen a piece of skin in months. This morning as I was walking to work, a guy next to me, who was carrying a bunch of freshly dry cleaned suits and appeared to be drinking a beer out of a paper bag, said to me, "Good morning, sweetheart. You look wonderful today, baby. Keep it up." And when I didn't reply, he added, "God bless you." At that point I turned to him and announced, "I'm an ATHIEST." He immediately wiped the lecherous look off his face and stared at me like I was crazy. I had to give myself a pat on the back for that one.

having children of my own and looking after others, I'm always pushing a pushchair (stroller) you dont get any catcalls then! On the rare occasions that I do go out on my own i get confused when a guy smiles or checks me out "who me?" "oh right, erm thanks..."

I've never commented on a strangers feet or toes (and never would). However I do love to kneel before my newlywed wife and kiss her feet. (i've given up trying to figure out why I like it so much) I'm a completely normal guy and no one would ever ever guess this about us, but I'll kneel and kiss my wife's feet at her command.

Like David above I've never commented on a strangers feet or toes (and never would). However I do love to kneel before my newlywed wife and kiss her feet. (i've given up trying to figure out why I like it so much) I'm a completely normal guy and no one would ever ever guess this about us, but I'll kneel and kiss my wife's feet at her command.
Again, i've given up trying to figure out why I like it so much, but nobody we know would ever guess.