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wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles
"It’s just so amazing," I gushed to his friends' wives over dinner last night. "I had no idea it could do that many things! I can’t believe we’ve lived without it so long — and don’t even get me started on the attachments…"
Alex is rolling his eyes again because I cannot shut up about the consummate joy that that our new toy brings me. The thing is, I know I often write here about ways in which I have recently humiliated myself, my husband, or any of the fine people who brought us into this world; my idiocy and imprudence is my most beloved muse. But I must be turning over a new leaf, people, because I am not ashamed at this, no, I’m not even shy. I will scream it from the tenement rooftops. I will scribe prose in its honor, and translate it into binary telegrams delivered to your shutdown computers on a holiday weekend when all the sane folks are at the beach: I love our borrowed vacuum cleaner.
That sleek, bagless, HEPA-filtered godsend sucks the bathroom rugs clear off the floor, leaving them as fluffy and fresh-faced as the day we brought them home from the internet. It pulled the mysterious tinge from the fabric of our hand-me-down sofa — from now on, all crumbs will be a result of our slovenly habits alone! It revealed the overpriced faux-oriental rug that we’d originally fallen for, not the muddled mess it became when we lacked the means to help it shed its baby fur. And, oh meditative breath! Oh, Zen and the Art of Dirt Devil Demise! That slim, fierce attachment dove headfirst into the Corner of Broom Handicap, the haven of rebellious dust, and the object of my brimming aggravation as it taunts me when I only wanted to watch the Martha Show, and ushered it’s contents into the next hereafter. Godspeed, dust balls, Godspeed.
I hope you’re all having as great of a weekend as I am. (Admit it, though, doesn’t this make you doubt you could be?)
comments (9)
It's a Dyson, isn't it?
1 | Jess | May 28, 2006 12:19 PM
Actually, it's a Dirt Devil Jaguar Upright Bagless Vacuum - the best part, only $60 from Amazon so we can buy our own. Perfect for our 1BR with only two area rugs.
2 | deb | May 28, 2006 01:11 PM
For God's sake, GET A MAID. We are going to have to have a little "talk"
3 | Jocelyn | May 28, 2006 02:39 PM
When you were waxing poetic about its dirt sucking capabilities, it was screaming the purple Dyson...
Roger and I just went to go see Over the Hedge again (hey, it was hysterical) and there was this little 2 y.o. girl sitting next to me that looked scarily like the little kid picture you posted of yourself before the wedding - I kept looking at her and wanting to call her Deb. So cute.
4 | Jess | May 28, 2006 04:22 PM
Last year I really, REALLY wanted a new vacuum- and was thrilled to find the cord detaching from the old clunker. Well I couldn't keep an electrical hazard in the house!
When I brought my new Hoover baby home I couldn't wait to vacuum! It's still fun to play with her! She even self propels.
5 | Karen | May 28, 2006 05:55 PM
Debbie, GIVE IT BACK! My rug is covered in dog biscuit crumbs.
I am glad you love the toy so much. Now I know what I *should* have bought you for your wedding.
6 | NotoriousANG | May 28, 2006 08:24 PM
I am getting one :)Thanks for the recommendation, we just carpeted the bedroom today, actually, so this post was very timely. Also am purchasing Bissell "Flip it" for my tile.
Totally off subject....how cool to get a shout out from Santadad on my perv rant? I am an orphan and so even at 37 my cheeks *glowed*. Thanks, Debscooldad :). jezzie
7 | Jezzie | May 30, 2006 01:30 PM
you are a poet. i am a vacuum freak. i love the sounds, smells and wonder. I hear what you are saying, oh the bagless world is one I hope to never ever leave
8 | janelle | June 9, 2006 12:05 PM
I would have just taken the "newly-wed" from you, but it turns out I got married 1 month before you, so you are newly-ier than I.
I just spent the past (too embarrased to admit how long) weeks reading ALL your posts, and wheeew, you're fun!(fun/crazy, its all the same).
Question: do you two ever get in fights? Like, real yucky all nighters? Or do you have little birds bathing you in the morn and little mice picking out your clothes every day?
9 | Almost Newly Wed | June 10, 2006 08:58 PM