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because every bad boy has his soft side

Eight confessions about the same thing

  1. Yesterday, I actually arrived at work in the best goddamned mood ever because Monday was the day that my new CD was to arrive, the first CD I have purchased in an avalanche of years.
  2. The number of sentences that have escaped my lips in the last day that did not include the words "Monster Ballads" and "OMG" were in a vast minority.
  3. My incessant serenading of my husband with the Joy of Monster Ballads has led him to determine that my Indian name would be Sings With Delight. (His would be Hobbit Foot.) (I'm kind of bummed, actually. I always wanted to be The Girl The Dough Talks To.)
  4. This all started, well, technically in the Central New Jersey of my junior high youth, in the days before over-affected irony but reemerged on Jocelyn's roof a couple weeks ago after most of a bottle of wine singing our acid washed jeans butts of, causing her hipster neighbors to quiver.
  5. My friend Steve says my face lights up whenever Bon Jovi comes on.
  6. I've decided for now on, I'm going to decide if we can be friends by your reaction to me telling you about my recent purchase of Monster Ballads, as you either a) Roll your eyes and say "Ew," b) Jump up and down and demand we listen to it right now, or c) Say, "What's a Monster Ballad?". C is forgivable but you're a little young for me, B will be my new BFF, and if you're an A, I'm going to storm out of the room wailing, "you don't know me at all!" just like I probably did in 7th grade.
  7. I cannot believe there's no Tesla, Ozzie/Lita Ford or GnR Patience on this. Or Sister Christian!
  8. Our kids are screwed.

comments (36)

Good Grief. There goes all my punk rock street cred.......right out the window.

1 | jocelyn | June 27, 2006 12:01 PM

I own this. But, due to the absence of said greats as Tesla, Ozzy/Lita Ford, Stryper, etc. I have made several of my own "mix" cd's with titles like "The Best of Monster Ballads" or "Monster Ballads v. 1.2".

In fact, a monster ballad mix cd was the first gift I gave my husband while we were dating. I am positive that is why we are now married.

2 | Erin | June 27, 2006 12:03 PM

All I can say is that after I finally uploaded all 400oddsomething of my cds into my itunes library and started making alist of all the things I wanted, but didn't have, the entire Bon Jovi library was the first thing I searched out and conquered. I <3 Bon Jovi, and junior high rock n roll.

3 | Steph | June 27, 2006 12:44 PM

I'm confused. I googled Monster Ballads, but I'm still not sure if it's a band or a type of song? I don't hear anything called a Monster Ballad on the 80's power hour on the radio, but I don't recognize many of those songs, anyway...

4 | adri | June 27, 2006 12:50 PM

I have to agree, anyone who doesnt want to immediately listen to Monstor Ballads has issues...

Then again, i feel the same way about listening to Wham!, so...

I have to ask, what part of central NJ are you from? I grew up in Marlboro and often feel like we must have been in the same area at the same time...

5 | bridget | June 27, 2006 01:19 PM

Debbie, I could have burned both 1 and 2 for you. Along with G'n'R greatest hits.

I just bought (downloaded) Tina Turner's Private Dancer which a childfree uncle gave me for Christmas when I was 9. I'm dying to sing Private Dancer kareoke.

Anyway, I'm sure Randy has some other greatest hits albums, like Toto, somewhere in the house.

Ask and you shall receive

6 | Christa | June 27, 2006 01:25 PM

I grew up 1/2 way between san francisco and sacramento.. 2 major concert venues.. my 1st concert was bon jovi, they were the opening act for ratt, I think i have seen them 30 times in concert over the years... i heart him.

as for tesla, i used to see them in bars around sacramento as "city kid"...


GOD I MISS THE 80'S

7 | Cupcakes | June 27, 2006 01:46 PM

Ah, Axl. You always do us proud: http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1535152/20060627/rose_axl.jhtml?headlines=true
Axl Rose Arrested In Sweden After Bar Brawl; Allegedly Bit Guard's Leg

8 | deb | June 27, 2006 02:22 PM

Hey Jocelyn, I think using the term "Good Grief" ruins your punk rock street cred more than Deb's outing you and the Monster Ballads. ;)

9 | Meg | June 27, 2006 03:06 PM

There we were this weekend, enjoying some lovely wine and cheese and listening to Nick Drake, when suddenly a certain Creepy Uncle Steve put on Def Leppard--and people started rocking out. What has happened to my friends???

10 | Notorious ANG | June 27, 2006 03:15 PM

That said, Sister Christian restores my faith in the world. And Christa: I get dibs on Toto.

11 | Notorious ANG | June 27, 2006 03:27 PM

smitten, you've probably already seen this before, but if not, enjoy: http://www.kingofbeaver.com/music_videos/

12 | thpride | June 27, 2006 03:33 PM

Summer 1983, I think, I was backstage at a Night Ranger show. I don't admit that to many people.

13 | Howard | June 27, 2006 04:27 PM

there is Tesla on my 2-disk monster ballads, but I too am shocked and appalled by the lack of Sister Christian. It was the only thing I've ever bought off TV and it brings me joy constantly. The combination of Skid Row's I Remember You and L.A. Guns The Ballad of Jayne - on the same CD! is the coolest thing ever ever. I get it.

14 | Sara | June 27, 2006 04:46 PM

Meg:
It's ironic

Joce

15 | jocelyn | June 27, 2006 07:37 PM

I asked my boyfriend to buy me Monster Ballads for Valentine's Day. He staunchly refused. I broke up with him.

16 | Krisha | June 27, 2006 08:57 PM

yep, just went through the list of songs on the cd and i can sing at least three lines from all but one. so good for karaoke.

17 | sarah | June 27, 2006 09:01 PM

"Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House equals serious 1986 flashbacks growing up in Rockland County, New York with an older brother and his CUTE friends, bi-level haircuts and really curly long hair, going for pizza, diner cheese fries, football games, football jackets with leather sleeves, scrunchie socks, white keds, braces and homecoming.

18 | Kala Lily | June 27, 2006 10:36 PM

Love Monster Ballads, Love Night Ranger. Makes me smile!

19 | Jenny | June 27, 2006 10:59 PM

OOOHHH is there any Def Leppard on that CD?

20 | talentedgirl | June 28, 2006 07:35 AM

I have monster ballads and monsters of rock good stuff...I am going to listen right now----My fave is Heaven (I am an 80s baby--25 in 21 days but this was one of "our" songs with a high school boyfriend)

21 | Hillary | June 28, 2006 07:48 AM

OMG, had to not only order that one, but the other 3 as well!! Awesome!

22 | Beverly | June 28, 2006 09:28 AM

I choose B, definitely! Do you know about Monsters of Rap?

23 | Lauren | June 28, 2006 10:31 AM

Back in my early days of college, I worked at Toys R Us. The bike guy had a copy of Monster Ballads (or something along the lines) and we would see how often we could blare it over the intercom (with the phone only slightly off the hook) before management would come back to the stock room and yell at us. Those were the days.

24 | Christina | June 28, 2006 12:05 PM

no lita/ozzy duet? for SHAME.

YouTube.com to the rescue, then.

25 | meep | June 28, 2006 05:25 PM

mofo won't let me post an HREF.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=efFJSGEz7-U&mode=related&search=

26 | meep again | June 28, 2006 05:25 PM

I saw Ratt open for B.J. here in St Pete, Fl at the now defunct Bay Front Center arena when I was 15. Oh, come to think of it, so were the tickets.
Man.
Other than that, give me Metallica or Dead Kennedy's anyday. But you softcore chics rokkout too :)

27 | jezzie | June 28, 2006 10:30 PM

what's funny is that not only do i enjoy those commericals but i enjoy those TimeLife 50s rock ones as well. i've also been tempted mre than a time or two to start my own collection of great love songs through the deacdes b/c of those damn commericials.

28 | bronxgal | June 30, 2006 11:10 AM

re: #7

also sadly missing are Motley Crue (Home Sweet Home) and Poison (I Won't Forget You).

29 | Dan | June 30, 2006 04:40 PM

Monster Ballads (classic rock) Vs. Gay Music Friday.
Where I work, the beefcakes insist on listening to classic rock all week. The rest of us get quite tired of it. So, we've instituted "Gay Music Friday." What's this you ask? Morrisey, The Smiths, The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order and a little Moby just for kicks.

30 | Doug | July 2, 2006 01:02 AM

OMG can I work there, too? Moz will always, always be my first love. (Fine, after Billy Joel. What, I have to pick just one?)

31 | deb | July 2, 2006 10:20 PM

it's time to institute Gay Music Fridays, deb. or Heavy Metal Fridays! \m/

32 | meep | July 3, 2006 01:50 PM

OMG, can we please listen to it right now???? "Tommy used to work on the docks Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck...it's tough, soooooo tough!"

33 | Jenn | July 4, 2006 01:48 PM

80s rock never dies! I actually have made a couple cds of my own from itunes and a friend's cd collection - I call them my hair band mixes

34 | la lawyer | July 4, 2006 02:09 PM

I love Monster Ballads and am wondering where I left my CDs. I haven't seen them in a while but I love the songs.

35 | twinkie2 | July 7, 2006 03:35 PM

I'm always in a good moodwhen I purchase something espacially CDs.

36 | Alan | August 9, 2006 01:27 PM

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