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the twobies, thus far
In our first year of married life, we've resided pretty exclusively on Cloud Nine; things are wonderful, and even bad days are mitigated by coming home each night to the most perfect person on earth. Gag me with a spoon, right Heather?
But, in the whole two-plus weeks since we've lost our "newbie" status, I have to admit that I've noticed a kind of shift. No, we're not unhappy, no, things are not taking a turn for the worse, no, we haven't started bickering or loathing or resenting or even tiring of each other, but I think real life is beginning to kick in a bit.
Alex started a new job where he wears a suit everyday - my husband is a Suit! - and while I secretly swoon because he is just so very handsome in his threads, my god, he looks like a grownup. Like a husband. Like a bread-winner. He looks more like a father than someone's kid, or also,whoa.
There are other imminent signs of adulthood creeping up on us, too, thirtieth and thirty-second birthdays, bruises that take weeks longer to heal, a completely lack of understanding of this MySpace thing, and there have been dozens of weekend nights where we just stay in and watch a movie. Most alarming is the absence of any desire to fight any of these trends with a stick.
It brings me back to the idea I mentioned a while ago of "biding our time." When you're done dating and you have a job and a roof over your head, spending your time in fancy restaurants and honing hobbies like bread-baking or tae kwon do, are you biding your time for the next big thing? Or is this representative of the way life really is? It all seems too saccharine-ly easy.
More than anything, this second year of marriage feels like the "gap year." Whether or not year three ends up being the one with the tiny baby feet sticking up from strollers and the draining of bank accounts to put shoes on said feet, I feel like much of what we do right now is in preparation or relation to this move. It's all so frighteningly grown-up.
And really, the only thing for us to do is to ignore it as much as possible. Two weeks ago I popped every one of the bubbles in the wrapping for my Cocotte with my bare toes in a frantic, flailing dance routine that sent my husband into fits of laughter. Last night, we almost died laughing watching this again and again, and determined that our children would be indeed very well-adjusted. And before that, we cracked up trying to figure out exactly what face one person would make to the other on a subway with his dog with three legs. I know you weren't there for any of these things, so it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but just trust me when I say I think it's going to be a very good year.
comments (9)
I was always told that you get to hang on to Newbie status for at least two years...
1 | Jess | September 14, 2006 10:26 AM
Is this your final send off, or will you say one last adios to iVillage tomorrow? I don't want to miss anything. :)
2 | M | September 14, 2006 11:29 AM
Year Two seems like a good year to get a pet.
3 | Phc | September 14, 2006 02:25 PM
Putting a fake leg on a dog? Now that's just wrong.
4 | Howard | September 14, 2006 04:09 PM
Congrats on making it past the first year of marriage! You mentioned people always say that the first year is the hardest and that saying has always scared me for what is to come (I'm getting married next summer). But I'm glad to hear that wasn't the case for you & Alex and I really think that the changes are really just part of the preparation for what is to come...I think pets are a great way to get into the "parental" mode...my fiance and I just got a cat and we refer to each other as mom and dad when it comes to her, kind of corny but its made us feel like we are responsible for her together...it's a start.
Growing up is scary but an adventure to be enjoyed and taken advantage of in every way possible. Best of luck to you & your hubby!
5 | Y. Madrid | September 14, 2006 07:38 PM
You know, my husband and I were having this same conversation last night. We've been married for 8 1/2 months now and yesterday I was chatting with a friend who I haven't seen in a while. She asked me how married life was and I said "great" and she replies back with "it's hard". Look, I'm sure that at some point in time, we'll hit our rough spots. I just prefer that people not automatically tell me that it's hard. I had to go home and ask Roger if perhaps we were doing something wrong because things weren't hard. I think that we're just blessed.
I'm so glad we're not the only ones. It makes it a little easier to bridge that gap between "single" and "married".
Incidentally Deb, it was your archives on the wedding (which I discovered two weeks after your wedding) that got me through the planning of my own. You're the best!
6 | Jess | September 14, 2006 09:12 PM
This sort of settled, matter-of-fact posting is so nice to see. I'm so glad you're not a ranter (at least when it comes to marriage). It's encouraging and I'm going to miss it. It sounds odd but I feel like I took for granted that you shared part of your dating, courtship, wedding and marriage here because it's always nice to read a down to earth post. There's a lack of it on the internet, in case you hadn't heard.
7 | Tara | September 14, 2006 09:50 PM
Here you go: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newlywed
Jess may be right, you don't have to give up your newbie status just yet. ;) I've always heard you are a newlywed for 2 years. We are at 2.5 years for us, eek!
8 | Tammi | September 15, 2006 08:37 AM
Deb, I love this post because I have very similar feelings. This 2-year definition is very interesting, though. It's not so much that I want to plan another wedding (lord, no), but I'm not used to not striving for some goal (graduation, wedding, house), and then having newness around me. I love your idea of a "gap year" - I never did backpack across Europe...
9 | RA | September 15, 2006 09:48 AM